Alec Baldwin Trots Out Gay Hairdresser to Prove He’s Not a Homophobe

By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 5:06 PM

With the gay tide turning against him, Alec Baldwin quickly rushed to his gay hairdresser for an impromptu bona fide on being anything but a homophobe. Of all the hairdressers in the world, Alec Baldwin chooses the rare gay hairdresser because he doesn’t see color or sexual orientation, he just sees a dude he can easily take out with just a metal comb if he fucks up his fabulous hair. Baldwin’s gay-defense opera bouffe seemed to be gaining traction until Anderson Cooper spoke truth to power from Gay Central Command:

“Just read Alec Baldwin’s latest excuses. They are actually so ridiculous they are funny.”

Anderson Cooper’s word is worth approximately one hundred hairdressers. He’s The AIDS quilt of the gay bedding department. Unless Alec Baldwin can produce the dream team of Elton John, Dolce AND Gabbana, and the human remains of Eleanor Roosevelt to all talk about how so non-homophobic he is, he might as well forget about trolling for hot lesbos with Bill Clinton after the GLAAD Media Awards this year.

Photo credit: SplashNews

Alec Baldwin Banishes the Word ‘Cocksucker’ From His Vocabulary

By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 1:30 PM

There’s no end to the manner in which Alec Baldwin is able to devour education and knowledge and translate it into evolved and progressive thought. For instance, one of his dear gay friends, Rich Ferraro, let Alec know that cocksucker can be seen as an anti-homosexual epithet when used to taunt a male adversary in a public kerfuffle. Especially when used in the clear context of a slur or putdown, as opposed to, say, general praise on a Grindr review, ‘Mmm mmm mmm, Steve sure is a great cocksucker.’. Knowledge in hand, Alec promptly retired the term cocksucker from his vocabulary. Just like that. As potential replacements for his vitriol, Alec’s considering the more delicate options of assplow or jizzface, or simply just returning to threatening to hurt people really badly with a tire iron.

Alec Baldwin Falls Victim to a Vast Right Wing Cocksucking Conspiracy

By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 8:06 AM

Alec Baldwin wants the world to know he’s friend to gays and all woodland mammals. The fact that Alec sometimes lets loose a homophobic slur in no way impedes his ability to be an ardent LGBT supporter. He’s so hardcore about LGBT rights that he named his child Carmen. Nobody can remember if it’s a boy or a girl. Gender neutrality point, Alec Baldwin. The fact that Alec called an annoying paparazzi a ‘cocksucking fag’ on the street in New York is merely part of a right wing attempt to make enlightened souls like Alec seem like elitist hypocrites. To wit, Alec didn’t even say ‘cocksucking fag’, he said ‘cocksucking fathead‘, as proven by expert acoustic analysis as performed by his young yoga instructor wife as she cringed before her irate husband bathed in his own sweat and demons. Alec had some Tweets up threatening to sue TMZ for claiming he uttered the word ‘fag’, but they seem to have been deleted. I suppose in preparation for the big legal action where Alec can explain in deposition that his Tweet earlier this summer calling a gay journalist a ‘toxic queen’ was a cheeky royal dig, that barking at somebody that you hope they ‘choke to death’ is a Buddhist blessing, and that he honestly thought that the black photographer’s real name was ‘Coon McCrackhead’.

Alec Baldwin’s Stalker Makes Him Cry in Court

By Lex November 12, 2013 @ 5:48 PM

You or I should be so lucky to have a decent looking Canadian actress stalking us for crazy person sex. Not Alec Baldwin. He welled up some baby doll cheek squirts today in court when Genevieve Sabourin started heckling him for being a lying wussbag when he denied having sex with her. Baldwin went on to blubber about how frightened he was with all her emails and voicemails and even showing up at his Hamptons house unannounced. I think at one point Genevieve even started reciting the dismal ratings reports for Baldwin’s MSNBC show nobody is watching. Finally something worth wallowing over. On his way out of court, Alec spotted a paparazzi he knew and told him ‘I hope you choke to death.’ Now there’s the Alec Baldwin we all love.

Here’s a quickie interview with Genevieve outside the courthouse. I only need to see a few seconds of the Cannuck to see just how nuts she is. The fact that she left a message for Alec saying she wanted to ‘make a mini-Baldwin’ with him is just icing on the cuckoo cake. She needs a room next to Amanda Bynes where the two can talk about who’s had naughtier sex with Abe Lincoln.

Photo Credit: WENN, Genevieve Sabourin/Twitter

Alec Baldwin Looks Pissed Off Again

By Travis October 22, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Alec Baldwin could be the greatest actor in the world – he’s not, and far from it – and he could have an endless supply of money and adoration from his peers. He could put an end to every problem in the world and boast victories and successes for each and every charity he creates and works with. And yet, he would still never get the fuck over the fact that he’s a celebrity and people want to take his picture. The biggest irony of every hissy fit that he throws and every threat that he makes is that if he didn’t act like a cantankerous dickhead every time, nobody would give a shit if he wanted to take a stroll in Manhattan, like he did yesterday.

And I’m not even positive that he’s giving this photographer a hard time, but if left to interpret what Alec is doing, I’m going to lean toward “being a dickbag” every single time.

Photo Credits: TNYF/WENN.com

Alec Baldwin Eats a Cheesesteak Off His Young Wife’s Tits to Celebrate His Boring New Talk Show

By Lex October 14, 2013 @ 10:28 AM


Alec Baldwin launched his not really much awaited talk show on MSNBC on Friday night. The network made a big deal about the new show, putting out a press release reminding everybody that MSNBC was still on the air. Alec began his new enterprise with a 60-minute conversation with his preferred candidate for Mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio. He likes de Blasio because de Blasio wants to tax the wealthy and build more preschools and says shit like, ‘“It would be glorious one day to have a post-racial society” and then to prove it, he married a black lesbian. In a post-racial society Alec Baldwin could call black photographers ‘coons’ and ‘crackheads’ and everybody could just post-laugh about it. Some critics labeled Alec’s show as utterly boring and a softball free-commercial for the mayoral candidate, but then everybody suddenly realized they were spending time talking about an Alec Baldwin talk show on MSNBC and the conversation quickly petered out.