MSNBC Fires Alec Baldwin for Being a Dick

By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 3:40 PM

Alec Baldwin Leaves His Apartment In New York City

In a move nobody cares about by a network that nobody watches, noted gay rights activist and homophobe Alec Baldwin has lost his late night talk show, Up Late. Alec Baldwin apologists are quick to point out that the firing is not directly related Baldwin’s ‘fag’ slurs in public, and actually more a result of his kicking a woman with cancer out of her makeup room at 30 Rock. The fallout from the show cancelation will be tremendous as up to eight people will become disappointed on Friday nights when MSNBC adds an extra hour of lesbians shanking each other in prison, more formally known as The Rachel Maddow show. Yeah, I know, I went long on that one.

Here’s pictures of Alec’s hot daughter, Ireland, who I will comfort after the gay mafia kills him in some fabulous manner.

Photo Credit: WENN, Ireland Baldwin/Instagram

Ireland Baldwin’s Daddy Is Not Homophobic, Okay?

By Travis November 18, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Ireland Baldwin is the rare Hollywood double threat these days, in that she’s becoming more and more famous not only because she’s the daughter of famous people, but also because she posts a lot of pictures of herself in bikinis to Instagram. But now that she’s 18, she’s proving that she’s so much more than online jailbait by finally speaking out about her father Alec Baldwin’s love of dropping homophobic slurs in his hissy fits against the paparazzi that tease him into exploding at them. In a Twitter rant on Saturday, Ireland claimed that Alec is “far from a homophobe or a racist,” and that he just gets really emotional because he’s trying to protect his infant child. And just as I was starting to think she might have a point, she Tweeted some bullshit about Willow Smith and Lady Gaga and completely lost me.

Photo Credits:

Alec Baldwin Trots Out Gay Hairdresser to Prove He’s Not a Homophobe

By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 5:06 PM

With the gay tide turning against him, Alec Baldwin quickly rushed to his gay hairdresser for an impromptu bona fide on being anything but a homophobe. Of all the hairdressers in the world, Alec Baldwin chooses the rare gay hairdresser because he doesn’t see color or sexual orientation, he just sees a dude he can easily take out with just a metal comb if he fucks up his fabulous hair. Baldwin’s gay-defense opera bouffe seemed to be gaining traction until Anderson Cooper spoke truth to power from Gay Central Command:

“Just read Alec Baldwin’s latest excuses. They are actually so ridiculous they are funny.”

Anderson Cooper’s word is worth approximately one hundred hairdressers. He’s The AIDS quilt of the gay bedding department. Unless Alec Baldwin can produce the dream team of Elton John, Dolce AND Gabbana, and the human remains of Eleanor Roosevelt to all talk about how so non-homophobic he is, he might as well forget about trolling for hot lesbos with Bill Clinton after the GLAAD Media Awards this year.

Photo credit: SplashNews

Alec Baldwin Banishes the Word ‘Cocksucker’ From His Vocabulary

By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 1:30 PM

There’s no end to the manner in which Alec Baldwin is able to devour education and knowledge and translate it into evolved and progressive thought. For instance, one of his dear gay friends, Rich Ferraro, let Alec know that cocksucker can be seen as an anti-homosexual epithet when used to taunt a male adversary in a public kerfuffle. Especially when used in the clear context of a slur or putdown, as opposed to, say, general praise on a Grindr review, ‘Mmm mmm mmm, Steve sure is a great cocksucker.’. Knowledge in hand, Alec promptly retired the term cocksucker from his vocabulary. Just like that. As potential replacements for his vitriol, Alec’s considering the more delicate options of assplow or jizzface, or simply just returning to threatening to hurt people really badly with a tire iron.

Alec Baldwin Falls Victim to a Vast Right Wing Cocksucking Conspiracy

By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 8:06 AM

Alec Baldwin wants the world to know he’s friend to gays and all woodland mammals. The fact that Alec sometimes lets loose a homophobic slur in no way impedes his ability to be an ardent LGBT supporter. He’s so hardcore about LGBT rights that he named his child Carmen. Nobody can remember if it’s a boy or a girl. Gender neutrality point, Alec Baldwin. The fact that Alec called an annoying paparazzi a ‘cocksucking fag’ on the street in New York is merely part of a right wing attempt to make enlightened souls like Alec seem like elitist hypocrites. To wit, Alec didn’t even say ‘cocksucking fag’, he said ‘cocksucking fathead‘, as proven by expert acoustic analysis as performed by his young yoga instructor wife as she cringed before her irate husband bathed in his own sweat and demons. Alec had some Tweets up threatening to sue TMZ for claiming he uttered the word ‘fag’, but they seem to have been deleted. I suppose in preparation for the big legal action where Alec can explain in deposition that his Tweet earlier this summer calling a gay journalist a ‘toxic queen’ was a cheeky royal dig, that barking at somebody that you hope they ‘choke to death’ is a Buddhist blessing, and that he honestly thought that the black photographer’s real name was ‘Coon McCrackhead’.

Alec Baldwin’s Stalker Makes Him Cry in Court

By Lex November 12, 2013 @ 5:48 PM

You or I should be so lucky to have a decent looking Canadian actress stalking us for crazy person sex. Not Alec Baldwin. He welled up some baby doll cheek squirts today in court when Genevieve Sabourin started heckling him for being a lying wussbag when he denied having sex with her. Baldwin went on to blubber about how frightened he was with all her emails and voicemails and even showing up at his Hamptons house unannounced. I think at one point Genevieve even started reciting the dismal ratings reports for Baldwin’s MSNBC show nobody is watching. Finally something worth wallowing over. On his way out of court, Alec spotted a paparazzi he knew and told him ‘I hope you choke to death.’ Now there’s the Alec Baldwin we all love.

Here’s a quickie interview with Genevieve outside the courthouse. I only need to see a few seconds of the Cannuck to see just how nuts she is. The fact that she left a message for Alec saying she wanted to ‘make a mini-Baldwin’ with him is just icing on the cuckoo cake. She needs a room next to Amanda Bynes where the two can talk about who’s had naughtier sex with Abe Lincoln.

Photo Credit: WENN, Genevieve Sabourin/Twitter