Thursday headlines, with Michelle Hunziker in a bikini

By brendon June 02, 2011 @ 7:34 PM

michelle_hunziker_bikini_varigotti_italy

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – had lunch with his son Patrick today, and things seem to go fine. Which sucks because wouldn’t it be badass if he went all apeshit with some kind of Oedipus complex. The Kennedys are all nuts so I figure there’s still time. (popeater)

KIM KARDASHIAN – is now engaged of course, but was the proposal filmed as footage for her reality show? Oh gosh, I wonder what the answer is. (people)

JANE LYNCH – will host the Emmys this year, a very prestigious honor only trusted to those who have proven they can read a teleprompter. (la times)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER – has been lounging around at the beach in Varigotti, Italy, for about a week now. Because she’s a model. What the hell did you think she was gonna do, go around solving crimes? (splash news)

Maria Shriver narc’d out Schwarzenegger

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM

6341bwp_arnie022

Many people have been wondering how Arnold Schwarzenegger was able to hide the existence of a son, the product of an affair with his housekeeper, for 13 years. Others have wondered how the secret managed to get out when it did.

Well the answer to the second one is easy: his wife told the LA Times. Way to cock-block, Maria. I bet you’re just pleased as punch.

…when Maria found out that Arnold was the father of Mildred Patty Baena’s son, she was “hysterical” and wanted to hold a news conference blowing the lid off the scandal.
We’re told Maria’s friends talked her off a ledge and a plan was hatched to leak the details to the L.A. Times and TMZ.

Isn’t that just like a woman? God they’re such little tattle-tales.

‘Terminator 5′ just got cancelled

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 5:04 PM

Just a few weeks ago, the biggest story about Arnold Schwarzenegger was that he was set to return to acting, most notably, reprising the role that made him a star. Which I assumed meant as Hercules, making me look like quite the fool. But now, with fathers day just a month away and multiple parties to plan for, the AP says he’s not reprising that or anything else.

A statement from Schwarzenegger’s office Thursday says former “Terminator” star has asked Creative Artists Agency to put all of his motion picture projects currently under way or being negotiated on hold until further notice.
“Governor Schwarzenegger is focusing on personal matters and is not willing to commit to any production schedules or timelines. This includes Cry Macho, The Terminator franchise and other projects under consideration. We will resume discussions when Governor Schwarzenegger decides.” the statement says.

This is all PR bullshit by the way because his wife found out about his affair and the kid and moved out in January, but ‘Terminator 5′ was announced 3 weeks ago. So he was already dealing with all that, just not publicly. So by “personal matters” he means, “I got caught fucking a fatty and people are making fun of me.”

South Park made fun of Schwarzenegger

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 4:15 PM








Hopefully Maria Shriver didn’t sit down last night to relax and watch some TV, assuming that, as long as she avoided the news, she wouldn’t have to hear anymore about her husband and his serial killer-like penis. Because Matt and Trey will sometimes turn in episodes of ‘South Park’ just hours before they air, and watching Butters mistake her for Skeletor is probably not gonna help her bruised ego any.

Arnold Schwarzenegger had two sons born the same week

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 1:46 PM

106447387

As you may have noticed, something would have to have acid for blood in order for Arnold Schwarzenegger to not fuck it, and now the whores are coming out of the woodwork with the revelation that he had a child with his maid 13 years ago. One has even hired the worlds most punchable lawyer, with more perhaps on the way.

Fox news says…

The incident returned to the public’s attention numerous allegations made over the years that Schwarzenegger was a notorious womanizer.
It also threatened to bring forth more women with allegations against Schwarzenegger.
On Wednesday, Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred confirmed she is representing Gigi Goyette, a former child actress who has said she had annual trysts with Schwarzenegger at a bodybuilding competition he sponsored in Ohio.

Fox also says Arnold was pretty busy during the last week of September in 1997, because not only did his wife Maria Shriver give birth to their youngest son Christopher, but his maid gave birth to their nameless bastard. Jesus, even Lil’ Wayne spaces it out more than that. Remember on ‘Threes Company’ when Jack would have two dates with two different women at the same restaurant, and he’d have to run from table to table? I like to think this was like that. “Yaa, goood, dats a good baby, I must go now!” And then Arnold would run to the next room where the other one is still in labor. “Yaa, puush, you are doing good! I go now!”

Arnold has pretty weird taste

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 1:18 PM

arnold_schwarzeneggers_son_picture_mistress_housekeeper_mildred_patricia_baena

I try not to ever say anything mean about people who aren’t public figures and who never wanted to be in the spotlight, but the new pictures of Mildred Patricia Baena, the maid Arnold Schwarzenegger got pregnant 13 years ago, are really putting that to the test.

Umm… holy shit.

I’ll just mention again that Arnold Schwarzenegger, one of the biggest stars Hollywood has ever had and the greatest bodybuilder of all time, had sex with this women. Repeatedly. And risked everything to do it. I can relate to that guy who fucked a thousand cars more than I can to this.