Heidi Montags bikini fell off (note: not really)

By brendon September 14, 2010 @ 3:15 PM


Heidi Montag is back in LA now, but today there are sexy new paparazzi pictures of her in Costa Rica last week. As you can see in the picture above, she was frolicking in the ocean with a photographer, as people do, when a wave crashed in and took her bikini top off!

Waaiit, wait, I jumped the gun. My bad. Her bikini is still on.

Oh never mind it is off. I guess I was mistaken. At first it appeared as if the wave didn’t pull her top off, but then later you can see that it did. No doubt there’s some reasonable explanation for how that happened. I should send her one of those cards that play that “so you had a bad day” song, to show I sympathize with all the bad luck she’s having.

(source = pacific coast news)

Kim Kardashian is mad at Playboy

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 3:15 PM


Playboy has released 7 new pictures from Kim Kardashians famous 2007 pictorial (people are saying it’s 25, but it’s 7. The other ones aren’t new. Don’t worry about… look, do we have to humiliate me every single day, just take my word on it), which she now says she regrets ever having taken. She tells Harpers Bazaar (via the Huffington Post)…

“I’m sorry I did Playboy. I was uncomfortable,” she remembers, though at the time she was excited. “Go for it,” she recalls her mother saying. “They might never ask you again. Our show isn’t on the air yet. No one knows who you are. Do it and you’ll have these beautiful pictures to look at when you’re my age.”

So you can guess how she feels about the new ones.

“Kim was really upset that the new photos were released. She freaked out that they were out there, she didn’t think that they were going to be seen again.”

Is she talking about a comet, or naked pictures of Kim Kardashian and her huge tits? Like this one, which is one of the best Playboy pictures ever. Because those never went away, every guy on earth right clicked the hell out of them, and then named a folder ROUTER SETTINGS or something like that and hid it inside three other folders.

Which doesn’t work if you date a girl who understands computers, btw. She’ll simply run a search for all .jpg files. And it will suck. Mind your own business you brainy bitch.

(13 NSFW pics here. first 7 are new. source for all = playboy.com, which is unquestionably the best 8 dollars you’ll ever spend.)

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‘Machete’ is gonna be a good movie

By brendon September 01, 2010 @ 11:45 AM

Robert Rodriguez got a lot of free press for his new movie ‘Machete’ when he cast Lindsay Lohan in a minor but pivotal role as a famous girl with big boobs who appears naked in the movie ‘Machete’. But who knew that the super hot Mayra Leal was gonna be naked too?

Hopefully she did, because she hides a cell phone in her vagina in this clip that’s leaked online, and if they just kind of sprung this on her at the last second, or worse, if she didn’t know they were filming, she’s probably gonna be pretty embarrassed.

She shouldn’t be though because that’s what I would do if I had a vagina too. Hide things in it. Like candy when I went to the movies. I’d be like a kangaroo.

Salma Hayek understands fashion

By brendon August 31, 2010 @ 6:30 PM


Salma Hayek went to Madeo in Los Angeles last night for dinner, and to make the night special she squeezed her size Huge breasts into a top made for toddlers. After seeing Anne Hathaway earlier, I wish there was some way to bring back segregation but stick me in with the Latin girls. Because they all have long hair and big tits. I don’t know if that’s how segregation works because I don’t read, but I don’t think Latin girls do either so I can probably trick them into this.

(image source = fame and pcn)

Friday morning headlines

By brendon August 13, 2010 @ 12:23 PM


RIHANNA – says there is no typo on her tat, as was reported yesterday. “Rebelle fleur translates to rebel flower, NOT rebellious flower, it’s 2 nouns so in that case fleur does not HAVE to be first!” So see. Her dumb tat works on a lot of different levels. (ok!)

JENNIFER LOPEZ – was too big a bitch for ‘American Idol’ to deal with, and now she’s tweeting pictures of her diamonds to… um, prove it, I guess.
NOTE TO SELF: go rob Jennifer Lopez. (huff post)

JULRI WATERS – is the Playboy model in the banner picture, and she’ll be in Sturgis today signing stuff (details). I know I mentioned this yesterday, but I could either post a picture of the girl who gets a perfect score in every category I use to rank girls, or Hilary Swank, who is still waiting for science to determine what sex she is. (direct link to the full size NSFW banner picture here. source = playboy)

HILARY SWANK – is in Hawaii with boyfriend John Campisi, just sort of hanging out by a sign in a bikini. If these two lovebirds have a wedding in their future, Hilary is sure to make a beautiful bride and/or groom. (pacific coast)

Jennifer Lopez already got fired from American Idol

By brendon August 11, 2010 @ 3:43 PM


In 2004, when Jennifer Lopez made a guest appearance on ‘Will and Grace’, the show had to hire 75 assistants just for her, including an eyebrow specialist and someone whose job was to hold her coat (source). And that was to tape 5 minutes on a sitcom. A few weeks ago, she agreed to be a judge on ‘American Idol’, which is often 2 hours long and live.

Well, prepare for the shock of a lifetime, but when it came time to negotiate her ‘Idol’ contract, Lopez was being an unreasonable bitch. People says…

The singer-actress had been closing a deal to be a permanent judge on the show for its upcoming 10th season but the deal fell apart.
“Her demands got out of hand,” says the source. “Fox had just had enough.”

Oh thank god. No one likes this mean bitch. The media tells us people like her but it’s a lie. Anyone can tell people anything they want. For example: I’m a top secret rocket ship pilot, and I invented the panda bear. See. Just saying things is actually pretty damn easy.

(NOTE – everyone knows what Jennifer Lopez looks like, and no one likes it. Luckily UK model Sophie Reade strapped down her huge breasts and went jogging yesterday, so instead of JLo, there’s 50 pictures of Sophie, about 30 of which are her topless in magazines like Nuts.)