Kelly Brook is finally here

By brendon December 18, 2012 @ 7:51 PM

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Remember back in May, when Kelly Brook was in a bikini at Cannes for about 72 hours straight? Well 5 of those pictures are finally being published in Galore! magazine. None of them are as good as the hundreds of pictures that were online almost immediately, but at least some are in black in white, just the like the television sets of people who still read magazines.

Sofia Vergara + lingerie = awesome

By brendon December 07, 2012 @ 3:07 PM

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I still feel like Sofia Vergara is incredibly underrated as an actress because not only is she really good on ‘Modern Family’, but she’s really funny too, and that’s exactly the kind of thing I would say to her in person while pretending not to stare at her tits.

(image source of vergara filming ‘fading gigolo’ in new york today = splash)

Chrissy Teigen is the new Beach Bunny model

By brendon December 04, 2012 @ 2:16 PM

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Kate Upton has been the face and boobs of Beach Bunny swimwear for the pastfewyears, but this year she’s been replaced by the lovely and delightful Chrissy Teigen, whose part Asian, wears her hair in a braid, and whose tits are just as amazing. It’s like I’ve died and gone to heaven. And then went to a strip club in heaven.

(image source = beach bunny)

Paz de la Huerta doesnt need some fancy dressing room

By brendon November 27, 2012 @ 4:29 PM

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Boardwalk empire star Paz de la Huerta was walking around Miami with one of her beloved cigarettes, when she stopped to change out of her bikini into a little mini skirt. In a parking lot. An outdoor parking lot. At around noon. Then she got into a fancy car with some guy and drove away.

When asked for a comment, Lindsay Lohan said, “Hey, look, it happens. Even if you’re a well known actress, sometimes you have get dressed up and go blow a rich guy in a car for money. Lots of actresses do it. I know for a fact that Helen Mirren does it.”(*)

(*)NOTE: Helen Mirren does not do that, she does not blow guys in cars for money. She does it because it’s exciting and sexy. image source = bauer griffin)

Jessica Simpson tried to get lap-band surgery

By brendon September 28, 2012 @ 9:44 PM

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Losing weight is hard and takes discipline, and Jessica Simpson is lazy and spoiled, so naturally she got tired of dieting to lose weight after giving birth almost immediately and asked doctors to give her a gastric by-pass. Twice.

Radar says…

“After having her daughter Maxwell, Jessica felt there was no way she could ever lose the weight on her own because she has struggled so much in the past and her post partum weight seemed to be growing, so like a true Hollywood girl, she sought out a quick surgical fix – lap band surgery!”

But they turned her down of course because at that point she had made more trips to the doctor than the gym. She’s hungry, not morbidly obese. (*)

(*) but still fat enough to put up pictures of lucy pinder in lingerie instead of jessica.

Sophia Vergara wisely rejected a breast reduction

By brendon September 28, 2012 @ 3:52 PM

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Sofia Vergara was on Katie Courics daytime talk show this week, because apparently that’s a thing that exists now, and said she’s glad she rejected the advice from her clearly gay or jealous publicist who pressured her to get a breast reduction when she started out in Hollywood. The concern was that her natural 32F breasts were too big, a sentence that is just complete gibberish and makes no sense.

“At the beginning it was hard, and she (my publicist) used to tell me, ‘Maybe you should get to a more normal, standard size.’”
“(My mom said), ‘God is going to punish you, you can’t chop your boobs out. It’s crazy. All the women are risking their life to get boobs.’ So I didn’t do it.”

Umm… uh, yes. That’s right ladies. God hates breast reductions, he was very clear about that. He said, “Thouth with big tittys are the most blessed and wonderful, so why would you want them smaller. What are you, a dyke?”