thursday morning headlines

GEORGE CLOONEY - didn't look quite as cool in his yearbook as he does now. The only way this picture could be any more 80's nerdier is if they had photoshopped him over a floppy disk. He must be smiling because it was early and the other kids hadn't taken his backpack yet. (wonderwall) KE$HA - isn't shy about bashing Britney Spears for lip-synching during concerts. "No offense to her specifically, but people have...read more

todays top story

Actually these are just more pictures from yesterday and aren't news in any way, unless you consider hot girls with huge breasts to be news, which I very very much do. She and her gorgeous tits make a really effective marketing team. After seeing these pictures I went and bought a whole case of this stuff. I only drank one though. To be honest it tasted terrible. Maybe you're supposed to shoot it, I don't know. I'll...read more

jwoww is kind of hot

'Jersey Shore' star JWoww had a birthday party this weekend at the Palms in Vegas, and the pictures are important because HOLY SHIT I love her chest so much, but also because; hahahaha, is this fag her boyfriend? What a jackass. I like your little tie, fag. You look so handsome. Did you get your outfit at the Fag Store, or did you have to order it from faggitylittleoutfits.com? And why are your arms shaved? Is it so...read more

oh jesus christ

Lady Gaga was in London this weekend to start a new world tour, and it's a good thing I was over here in the colonies. Because I wore an invisible dress and a glittery silver lobster on my face at a party too. Then went up some stairs so everyone could see my business. That would have been awkward. One of us would have had to go home and change, and it sure as snaps wasn't gonna be me. Everyone pretty much agreed I...read more

kelly bensimon knows how to dress

Kelly Bensimon of ‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey' went for a jog in Miami this morning, and seeing these pictures reminded me that I don't know that much about her. So I ran a search on busty Asian model Jennie Reid, in hopes that naked pictures of her might help for some reason. Several hours later, I ended up on Playboys website and remembered that Kelly is in there this month, and that she looks terrific (nsfw...read more

elizabeth hurley is incredibly literal

Elizabeth Hurley attended a charity event in London last night for something called the Naked Heart Foundation, and to get into the spirit of things, she showed off her Naked Breast. Which reminds me, Elizabeth Hurley is 100 percent invited to my bulimia awareness event for the Swallow It Now! coalition. I'm incredibly optimistic she'll misinterpret this one too. (picture source = getty images and wenn)read more

lindsay lohan is a terrible model. mostly.

Lindsay Lohan did a photo shoot to go along with her condescending interview in the Sun over the weekend, and although the pictures are boring, at least the originals are enormous. So you can zoom in and check out the scars from her cutting and the sun damaged cleavage and her facial hair and acne and the hard living hidden under makeup applied by submerging her in a tub filled with it. Other than that, she's a pretty...read more

bar refaeli is in a bikini (update!)

Physically perfect girl Bar Refaeli was in Mexico this weekend, and the only thing hotter than Bar in a bikini is Bar in a bikini with two friends, who are also hot chicks with big tits and in bikinis. In fact these pictures are a little too good, and when they ended I got really sad. It was the saddest ending since ‘Old Yeller'. I don't think I'm being unmanly when I admit that I cried for over an hour. Why did the...read more

jayde nicole is 24

Playboy's 2008 Playmate of the Year Jayde Nicole celebrated her 24th birthday this weekend, and even though she looks way way better with no clothes on (under the cut), she still looked fantastic in this ridiculous dress and a crown. This must be how rich people live. I think she got bigger implants too. Her breasts look twice as big as they were before, meaning she's twice as wonderful. (source = pacific coast and ...read more

robert pattinson in details

Here are finally the pictures from Details that made news last week when Robert Pattinson went public about the nightmarish hell he suffered through during the photo shoot, and explained that the scars are still with him. "I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vaginas. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like,...read more

heidi montag and her breasts are hard workers

Heidi Montag filmed some scenes for 'the Hills' this morning while having breakfast in Beverly Hills, and hopefully she ate something nutritious. With her new implants, she now weighs over 400 pounds. She's gonna need lots of energy. (source = splash news exclusives)read more

new and improved heidi went to vegas

I realize this is two stories in a row about huge things stuffed into something else, but Heidi Montag and her fantastic breasts took a private plane to Vegas this weekend for a romantic weekend. This is the first time I can recall that Heidi has ever been on a luxurious private jet. And it's just one month after she got DDD implants. Hint hint, ladies. (source = pacific coast news)read more

kelly bensimon is kind of hot

The Playboy with Kelly Bensimon from ‘The Real Housewives of New York City' goes on sale tomorrow, but Playboy.com has the pictures today, and … damn. This chick is freakin hot. There are 4 pics under the cut but to see them all you have to go to the playboy website. It's like 10 dollars a month or something but it's totally worth it. I saved enough by diluting my little brothers insulin. If he goes into a diabetic...read more

what in the hell is that

Just yesterday someone sent me an article about Australia making it illegal for girls with small breasts to do porn, and I didn't mention that sooner because I've been busy moving to Australia. So, while I'm not entirely sure what it is that supermodel Erin Wasson aspires to be one day, hopefully it wasn't an Australian porn star. Yesterday she went swimming in St. Barths with no top on, and I've never wanted a model...read more