Charlie Sheen might be 48-years old, but he still manages his Twitter account like a teenage girl, as he took a break from his Thanksgiving festivities to Tweet a picture of him and his new lady friend. While he didn’t reveal the name of this new goddess, who I’m sure loves him for him and not for all of the money that he earns from Anger Management and syndicated episodes of Two and a Half Men, he did include a very special Thanksgiving message for all of his “sheenius” followers, calling this the “Best Thanksgiving ever” and saying that he’s “thankful for ‘Giving’ the world another face-load of planet jealous!’ And I’m not sure if he spelled out “hashtag” to be ironic or because he thinks that’s how Twitter works, so I’ll just say it was a little of both.
Now that Denise Richards has given up custody of Charlie Sheen’s twin sons, Bob and Max, because of her claims that they were beating the crap out of her daughter, the actor has realized that he has to actually not be a dick and follow the procedures of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services like everyone else, or he won’t get to see his kids again. According to Radar, since Brooke Mueller’s brother, Scott, now has custody of the kids that Charlie still won’t nut up and take care of himself, the actor has decided to cooperate with Family Services so he can continue to hang out with his kids every once in a while.
Otherwise, someone else is going to have to tell them about all of the porn stars he’s nailing, and only Charlie can really capture the magic in describing what a coked up orgy is all about.
Photo Credit: Getty
If only crack and meth pipes came with fancy warning labels like family friendly tobacco, maybe the Sheen twins wouldn’t be four-year old future Natural Born Killers. Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Denise Richards took custody of winning Charlie’s twin boys by way of convicted drug fiend Brooke Mueller earlier this year when both bio parents were deemed unfit by the County. Now Denise Richards is surrendering custody of the preschool aged twins because of claims of their already violent and anti-social behavior. Some of the shit Denise claims in her letter to Children and Family Services Department is straight out of the Damien playbook.
Bob and Max Sheen often go into a “zombie-like state,” and often kick and squeeze her pets violently for fun. The four-year-olds have reportedly said they “wanted to hurt and kill” the dogs.
[Denise] Richards’ daughters have been “kicked in the head and stomach, in addition to suffering scratches, bites, punches and spitting from the twins.
Bob Sheen in particular has “slapped a teacher in the face.”
I don’t know, they just sound like two playful little scamps. We’ve so neutered boyhood in this society, that some Puckish twins can’t punch their half sisters in the head any longer without a government official stepping in. Maybe the boys just need a change of venue. Perhaps something more rural like an honor ranch or the Hall of Doom in Slaughter Swamp.
Photo Credit: WENN
Charlie Sheen lives in a mansion with several decent-looking female porn stars that he rotates in and out as he sees fit, while he collects paychecks on a 100-episode deal for Anger Management, despite the fact that he never even deserved it in the first place after his hilariously shameless public meltdown that included rants against his ex-showrunner and a standup comedy tour that proved he’s not funny. He’s basically living the American Dream.
It also shouldn’t really surprise anyone that on top of that, he never even graduated high school, but Jay Leno finally took care of that on the Tonight Show, so the guy who shouldn’t even be working in Hollywood is now at least qualified to work at McDonald’s.
After of a brief period of semi-normalcy, during which Charlie Sheen seemed to be the most grounded and sane person in his life (at least compared to Brooke Mueller), the actor jumped back on the porn wagon by allowing a new team of porn star “Angels” to move in with him. While Capri Anderson was nowhere to be seen, Charlie celebrated his upcoming 48th birthday with Celeste Star, Jana Jordan and Jayme “Motherfucking” Langford and then tweeted the above photo with the declaration that he looks 28.
Look, it’s hard to fault the guy who was brilliant enough to somehow turn the mostly unfunny and unoriginal Anger Management into a $150 million payday, but he looks 28 like Lindsay Lohan looks 27.
Charlie Sheen kind of announced the reformation of his Angels pussy posse. Who wasn’t excited a couple years back by the first incarnation of simple-brained porn stars living in Charlie’s mansion, tracking high heel shoe prints through the perma-layer of cocaine dust along the floor. It was even more amusing when they all turned on Charlie in the media, spilling out all of his deviant secrets. The thing about hookers and porn stars, they’re great, but you don’t invite them into your home. Then the devil owns you.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN, Twitter