Chris Brown Tries Beating Up A Dude

Chris Brown got in a fightin Vegas while playing basketball in his hotel suite with some dude he most likely hired from the Washington Generals' minor league affiliate. Brown recently got off probation for beating the ever loving shit out of Rihanna and then smoking lots of dope to celebrate so he's good for another round before he is ultimately killed in the most widely celebrated drive-by of all time. Apparently The...

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Chris Brown Blocks Chrissy Teigen On Twitter

That uneasy feeling you get when you realize Chris Brown has shut you out of his life. There's really no preparing for it. It hits you like a dirty hand of hot Chinese mustard to the lachrymal gland. You'll pretend you're just vulnerable from your period, but really you're hurting much deeper. The place where Chris Brown used to touch you. No, deeper. Yep, there. Now understand that it will never feel this way again...

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Chris Brown's Stupid Baby Name And Shit Around The Web

Chris Brown named his new bastard baby, Royalty. It's a nice play on words given her regal breeding and the fact that she'll someday be utilizing her bio dad's music royalties to pay for her court ordered rehab. I'm holding back my puke until Chris Brown makes his first statement about the baby changing him for the better. Read all about what this assclown was thinking. (TMZ) Bras? We don't need no stinking bras! (The...

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Chris Brown Has A Child, Karrueche Bails

Breaking the news to your long time girlfriend that you've been declared dad to some other chick's new baby is no simple task. You're going to want to find a nice public spot and make sure she's sober. Also, stretchyour rapper credit line at the jewelry store. Something ostentatious, but tacky. Karrueche Tran seemed to catch wind of something in the air, not to mention service of process papers on the kitchen table,...

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Chris Brown Might Be Going To Jail And Shit Around The Web

Chris Brown might be someone's girlfriend soon as a judge just revoked his probation. The dumbass girl beater traveled out of the country and didn't finish his community service. He better stop washing his ass now because they are going to tear him apart in jail. Read all about Chris' latest legal woes. (Huffington Post) Colleen Shannon wears a shiny bra because she cares. (Egotastic) Michael Sam got gay engaged at...

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Chris Brown Gets His Dick Back

Porn star Kagney Linn Karter, potentiallynot her Christian name, claims Chris Brown bullied her after he paid for her company but she refused to let him invade her privates. There was apparently some confusion over exactly what 'I will pay you, and then fuck you, and then you will leave' meant. Vague employment terms are often the source of friction between boss and worker. Karter went on Twitter to rant, calling out...

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Chris Brown Dumb Down His Lambo

Chris Brown hired some guy to paint a bunch of illegible Sanskrit looking letters on his Lamborghini. The text is supposedlythe lyrics to a Tupac songthough they could also read, Chris Brown is a pussy tool who takes numerous men up his ass. That's the danger in hiring a guy who claims to know Sanskrit when you barely know English. Apart from looking like shit this will cut the value of the car down to something...

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Chris Brown Seems Stupid High

Chris Brown tweeted his half assed opinion that Ebola is apparently a government engineered form of population control. There was some liberty involved in that summary because it took longer to hash out than Brown's own opinion: "I don't know ... But I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control. Shit is getting crazy bruh." When you try and explain the lunar eclipse to your nephew you have to bullshit...

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Kendall Jenner Is Cruising for a Bruising

According to a typically spotty US Weekly report, Kendall Jenner is infatuated with Chris Brown. Jenner reportedly took a liking to him after he was released from jail for beating Rihanna. In the world of US Weekly articles written at the 8th grade level, that makes him a 'bad boy' and not an abusive sociopath with misogynistic tendencies. Jenner partied with Brown at the VMA after party where Suge Knight took up to...

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Chris Brown Seems Earnest

Chris Brown is a known gang affiliate who probably irritates victims of gang violence yet remains conspicuously popular among the Nobody You Know demo. For whatever reason Brown has received a pass to permeate mainstream media even though he only performs at crime scenes now and nobody can name any of his songs. Its like if the guy hanging out outside the 7-11 with a backwards bandana took over hosting Late Night for...

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Chris Brown Leads To Bad Things

Some totally innocent guy got stabbed at an after party where Chris Brown was performing. Cops suspect Brown's crew of known Bloods gang members may be to blame because stabbing is listed on their Match.com profiles as their interests right after reading the Sunday paper and before hiking. Law enforcement officials have grown tired of the swell dancing scourge and reached out to nightclub owners to black ball Brown...

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Chris Brown Still A Dick And Shit Around The Web

Chris Brown and his entourage started a bottle throwing fight at a club because they lacked any more original ideas. Chis Brown's like a wild dog that's been flogged to fight and just has to be put down before anyone else gets bitten. Like in Old Yeller only no one will cry and many people will probably cheer. Read about his latest shenanigans. (Dlisted) Anastasia Ashley in a bikini in Maxim is how I know the...

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Suge Knight Takes All The Bullets, Chris Brown Gets None

According to Chris Brown's posse and a number of really stupid hot models, a trained killeropened fire at Brown during his pre-VMA party at the 1OAK Nightclub in L.A.. Brown employed his extraordinary dancing skills to narrowly avoid the bullets which subsequently hit Suge Knight who is too fat to dance. Even though Brown escaped any injuries, his polite social circle were quick to insist the shots were meant for...

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Chris Brown Surely Loves Charity Sports Events

Last month it was a Chris Brown celebrity kickball game with all the felonious minions and Kardashians he could gather up. Now, flag football against Puff Daddy's son. Chris Brown is either building his curriculum vitae for a middle school P.E. teacher vacancy or he's fulfilling the community service portion of his probation in the most Chris Brown way possible. These events certainly make it simpler for the local...

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Chris Brown's Neighbor Seems Cool

Chris Brown's neighbor threatened to shoot him if he sets foot on his property. It is unclear why the guy has a problem with Brown though equally unclear why anyone would not have a problem with Brown. Chris has been throwing loud parties and some of the depraved whore guests have spilled their fake cleavage onto his front yard. Unlike the millions of people who fantasize about accidentally pushing Chris Brown into an...

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