Chris Brown Might Be Going To Jail And Shit Around The Web

Chris Brown might be someone's girlfriend soon as a judge just revoked his probation. The dumbass girl beater traveled out of the country and didn't finish his community service. He better stop washing his ass now because they are going to tear him apart in jail. Read all about Chris' latest legal woes. (Huffington Post) Colleen Shannon wears a shiny bra because she cares. (Egotastic) Michael Sam got gay engaged at...read more

Chris Brown Gets His Dick Back

Porn star Kagney Linn Karter, potentiallynot her Christian name, claims Chris Brown bullied her after he paid for her company but she refused to let him invade her privates. There was apparently some confusion over exactly what 'I will pay you, and then fuck you, and then you will leave' meant. Vague employment terms are often the source of friction between boss and worker. Karter went on Twitter to rant, calling out...read more

Chris Brown Dumb Down His Lambo

Chris Brown hired some guy to paint a bunch of illegible Sanskrit looking letters on his Lamborghini. The text is supposedlythe lyrics to a Tupac songthough they could also read, Chris Brown is a pussy tool who takes numerous men up his ass. That's the danger in hiring a guy who claims to know Sanskrit when you barely know English. Apart from looking like shit this will cut the value of the car down to something...read more

Chris Brown Seems Stupid High

Chris Brown tweeted his half assed opinion that Ebola is apparently a government engineered form of population control. There was some liberty involved in that summary because it took longer to hash out than Brown's own opinion: "I don't know ... But I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control. Shit is getting crazy bruh." When you try and explain the lunar eclipse to your nephew you have to bullshit...read more

Kendall Jenner Is Cruising for a Bruising

According to a typically spotty US Weekly report, Kendall Jenner is infatuated with Chris Brown. Jenner reportedly took a liking to him after he was released from jail for beating Rihanna. In the world of US Weekly articles written at the 8th grade level, that makes him a 'bad boy' and not an abusive sociopath with misogynistic tendencies. Jenner partied with Brown at the VMA after party where Suge Knight took up to...read more

Chris Brown Seems Earnest

Chris Brown is a known gang affiliate who probably irritates victims of gang violence yet remains conspicuously popular among the Nobody You Know demo. For whatever reason Brown has received a pass to permeate mainstream media even though he only performs at crime scenes now and nobody can name any of his songs. Its like if the guy hanging out outside the 7-11 with a backwards bandana took over hosting Late Night for...read more

Chris Brown Leads To Bad Things

Some totally innocent guy got stabbed at an after party where Chris Brown was performing. Cops suspect Brown's crew of known Bloods gang members may be to blame because stabbing is listed on their Match.com profiles as their interests right after reading the Sunday paper and before hiking. Law enforcement officials have grown tired of the swell dancing scourge and reached out to nightclub owners to black ball Brown...read more

Chris Brown Still A Dick And Shit Around The Web

Chris Brown and his entourage started a bottle throwing fight at a club because they lacked any more original ideas. Chis Brown's like a wild dog that's been flogged to fight and just has to be put down before anyone else gets bitten. Like in Old Yeller only no one will cry and many people will probably cheer. Read about his latest shenanigans. (Dlisted) Anastasia Ashley in a bikini in Maxim is how I know the...read more

Suge Knight Takes All The Bullets, Chris Brown Gets None

According to Chris Brown's posse and a number of really stupid hot models, a trained killeropened fire at Brown during his pre-VMA party at the 1OAK Nightclub in L.A.. Brown employed his extraordinary dancing skills to narrowly avoid the bullets which subsequently hit Suge Knight who is too fat to dance. Even though Brown escaped any injuries, his polite social circle were quick to insist the shots were meant for...read more

Chris Brown Surely Loves Charity Sports Events

Last month it was a Chris Brown celebrity kickball game with all the felonious minions and Kardashians he could gather up. Now, flag football against Puff Daddy's son. Chris Brown is either building his curriculum vitae for a middle school P.E. teacher vacancy or he's fulfilling the community service portion of his probation in the most Chris Brown way possible. These events certainly make it simpler for the local...read more

Chris Brown's Neighbor Seems Cool

Chris Brown's neighbor threatened to shoot him if he sets foot on his property. It is unclear why the guy has a problem with Brown though equally unclear why anyone would not have a problem with Brown. Chris has been throwing loud parties and some of the depraved whore guests have spilled their fake cleavage onto his front yard. Unlike the millions of people who fantasize about accidentally pushing Chris Brown into an...read more

Chris Brown's Celebrity Felon Kick Ball Raises Eleven Dollars (VIDEO)

Only mostly everybody at Chris Brown's Kick'N' It for Charity Celebrity Kickball game in Glendale had rap sheets. Chris, DJ Khaled, The Game, and a few other charitable fellows famous for drugs and beating women showed up for a cause nobody could actually name. Paris Hilton's jail house record got her into the match where she showed that one lazy eye and nonchalance is all it takes to not be able to kick a slow moving...read more

Chris Brown Violates Parole via Instagram

Chris Brown posted a photo to Instagram again confirming his gang affiliation with the Bloods. Even though Brown is happy to be allowed shoelaces again, the point of this photo was in the caption which read: "It's bool! I stand on my own two feet when life gets brazy!" Bloods like to replace the letter B in words that start with C because they have the intellectual capacity of schoolgirls and pig Latin proved too...read more

Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran Split Over Ass Pic

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. That's Karrueche Tran quoting Buddha on social media. Most girls who date Chris Brown take the ancient communal meditations strong to their heart. They help to soothe the swelling from the punches. According to RadarOnline, the couple just broke up again after Chris posted a...read more

Chris Brown BET Wasted And Shit Around The Web

Chris Brown was so drunk after the BET Awards after-party his posse had to carry him back to his lambo where his girlfriend awaited to usher him away. Somebody remarked about what an asshole Chris Brown had become while another bystander corrected the first on his use of the present perfect tense. Read all about Chris Brown's latest bad decision. (Defamer) Megan Fox looks kind of funny. (Drunken Stepfather) Anais...read more