Female George Clooney Cries Four Times A Day

George Clooney has proudly come out as a biological female after proclaiming that he cries four times a day over the pressures of motherhood. What does having a vagina feel like George? The fifty-six-year-old actor and thirty-nine-year-old Amal Clooney mashed fluids to... read more

The Hurricane Harvey Telethon Is Here, Wheel Out Barbra Streisand

Start with the obligatory, all charity money is good money. It's trite and true and almost prevents you from making fun of Oprah and Barbra Streisand and George Clooney reprising their 9/11: A Tribute to American Heroes and the 2010 Hope for Haiti telethon roles in... read more

Clooney Out for Blood

George Clooney's out for a pound of flesh on photographers that scaled the fence at his Lake Como estate to take photos of Clooney, his wife, and their twin infants. The shots were published on the cover of Voici magazine in France. Clooney's demanding the lion's force of... read more

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Clooney and Cindy Crawford's Husband Tequila Rich

George Clooney and the only other 50-something guy he could find in Hollywood almost as handsome as himself, former male model Rande Gerber, cashed out on their Casamigos Tequila company to the tune of one billion dollars. read more

An Old Man Made Some Babies and the World Is Going Crazy

George Clooney has fucked a hundred women. The last one he let keep the baby and the media and celebrity world has taken on the role of the incredibly doting Wise Men. read more

Clooney Having Batched Babies

While it is indeed troubling that the patriarch of the Duggar family full of child molesters will someday soon have two hundred grand children, let's not negate the fact that women unable to naturally conceive are being pumped full of embryos at an alarming rate. read more

Clooney Leans In

George Clooney defended raising tens of millions of dollars for Hillary Clinton at weekend fundraisers for really rich people who have their nannies mule untraceable cash down to Panamanian banks. Clooney would've made a superior slick defense attorney. He has the... read more

George Clooney's All-White Films Continue Unabated

George Clooney just produced his fifteenth major motion picture. Guess how many have featured black actors in significant roles? That same zero goes for the half dozen feature films he's directed. Clooney and Damon and the affable progressive brat pack of wealthy and... read more

The All Female Ocean's Eleven Movie Nobody Wanted Is Coming

After clamor from absolutely nobody anywhere, an all female cast version of Ocean's Eleven is in the works. This has nothing to do with George Clooney exec producing and lining up some easy millions in his pocket to help fund his wife's ISIS support picnics. Or upping... read more

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George Clooney Made a Long Speech About Nothing

George Clooney is one of those guys who makes sure to announce he doesn't have the right to lecture you on anything, then spends the next thirty minutes heatedly exercising that right. Today, it's Hollywood backing down to North Korea. Or the parts of Hollywood who... read more

George Clooney Set to Marry The Hottie Jihadi

George Clooney is renting out everything in Venice above the waterline this weekend to marry human rights attorney Amal Alamuddin whom I suspect he will divorce quietly before I have a chance to spell her name correctly without Google. Amal has everything George could... read more

George Clooney Getting Good Mileage Out of Engagement

George Clooney always knows just the right moment to tell everybody why they're wrong and he's right. Usually it's just moments after he and Obama crossed streams peeing together in his vanity bathroom. Maybe some Senator was after Hollywood violence or some CEO made a... read more