Hillary Clinton Motley Crew

People are excited about a Hillary Clinton presidency they same way they are about a car wash. Let's get this over with. Her ardent supporters are either ill informed or keenly aware that she's a corporate shill whose first order of business will be relaxing some pesky Wall Street regulations. You don't make $250,000 for giving a twenty minute speech to Goldman Sachs without a few strings attached. It's a bribe....read more

Cue Roger Clinton

Losers always have a habit of fucking up at the worst possible time. In reality they're just constantly fucking up but sometimes you notice more. Hence Bill Clinton's bastard brother got himself a DUI in LA two days before the California primary. Hillary has most certainly looked into having his Dr Skipper poisoned but decided it's not worth the risk. Syria, definitely.read more

Lena Dunham Leaving If Hillary Doesn't Take Over

Lena Dunham known for her fierce feminism and the constant smell of wet woodland mammal that follows her like a Pig-Pen dirt cloud is ditching the United State if Donald Trump beats Hillary Clinton in November. Unlike previous celebrities who have said unlike previous celebrities they are truly serious about leaving, Dunham stated that she is truly serious about leaving unlike previous celebrities. Dunham posted this...read more

Clooney Leans In

George Clooney defendedraising tens of millions of dollarsfor Hillary Clinton at weekend fundraisers for really rich people who have their nannies mule untraceable cash down to Panamanian banks.Clooney would've made a superior slick defense attorney. He has the confident smile of a man who knows he can fuck other men's wife. Rather than defending the $35K to $330K per plate buy-in to the events, Clooney redirectedthe...read more

Dunham Stumps for Hillary

Lena Dunham has committed to consuming nothing but partially hydrogenated oils and barn owl hatchlings until Hillary Clinton is sworn in as the first female President. Lena and her cult like following of Upper West Side feminists and the HBO executives scared shitless of them have been stumping for Hillary double time to see she defeats Bernie Sanders in New York. Ergo, invent conveniently exclusive underdog scenario....read more

Killer Mike Blasts Hillary's Twat

Ata recent Bernie Sanders rally, rapper and political activist Killer Mike said, "A uterus doesn't qualify you to be President of the United States." Clearly he meant don't vote for Hillary just because she's a woman. Which is 95% of Clinton's rallying cry these days since trustworthy, skilled, and caring allstopped testing as believable in her voter marketing panels. Like most rappers, Killer Mike's line wasn't even...

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Feminists Want a Win Before They Die

Aging feministsare literally dying to see a woman in the White House. Any woman. Hillary Clinton is the last chance. While Bernie Sanders clearly represents the more 60's socialistdreamer wing of the party and Clinton represents the old school practical women who made a ton of compromises and concessions in their life for their lesser men, she's got a vagina. Don't think about it. Her Presidency isthe last shot at...

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Lena Dunham Digs for Clinton

Lena Dunham is Hillary Clinton's biggest fan. It's like being endorsed by Satan. Or Satan's more annoying fat sister who used to diddle Satan's younger sister when she was in kindergarten then wrote a book about it laudedby wealthy asexual women with scaly skin. Dunham slid down the reinforced pole into her fat cave to rant about Hillary Clinton receiving decidedly rougher treatment from the press than any other...read more

Lena Dunham Subs for Hillary

Lena Dunham took over the Hillary Clinton Instagram account for the weekend in a convergence of non-fetching women so intense it almost collapsed the space time continuum. Dunham kicked off the weekend with a few posts about her cute outfits and why wrinkly old vagina is really the best kind. Then she got low blood sugar and spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday locked inside a Lobster Roll food truck throwing...read more

Hillary Clinton Is Extremely Popular

Gallup released its poll of the most liked woman in America and Hillary Clinton won for the 20th time. An odd thing since nobody likes Hillary Clinton. Spin classes packed with middle aged like-minded women at best compare Clinton to their bran diets. A necessary evil that makes them shit semi-regular. I live in Los Angeles which runs about as Democratic as you can get and never once heard a kind word about Hillary...

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The Thought of Hillary Clinton Peeing Disgusts Conservatives (VIDEO)

Either you believe Donald Trump is a blowhard who you'd routinely punch in the gunt if he didn't have security or he's an incredibly honed in wordsmith who uses the subtleties of language to lure in voters. Trump's been hitting the public fora recasting in people's minds the moment in the Saturday evening Democratic Party debate when Hillary Clinton returned late from a toilet break and the ABC broadcast started up...read more

Socialists Are Ultimately Still Stupid

Bernie Sanders supporters are largely more educated than Clinton supporters, but widely less practical. Despite the fact that Sanders college-aged Internet minions flooded the polling sites post Democratic debate to declare Bernie Sanders the hippy atheist god almighty, every single major media outlet including CNN which ran the debate picked Hillary Clinton as the winner. Now Sanders followers are outraged, bemused,...

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Hillary Clinton's Special Friend Makes a Ton

Hillary Clinton emails reveal that her close confidant and warm handstravel companion Huma Abedin makes about half a mill a year being Clinton's special assistant.Abedin often complains it's not enough.It's a combination of her government salary along with a shit ton of consulting and Clinton Foundation paychecks. That seems like a lot of dough until you ask yourself what dollar amount it would take for you to go down...

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Get Out Of Hillary Clinton's Way

Hillary Clinton had a department store on Fifth Avenue closed down so she could get a $600 haircut, or as she calls it, relating to the middle class. Bergdorf Goodman is apparently not a flamboyant composer of dramatic show tunes, but a high end retail store in New York. It's unclear how Clinton, who doesn't have a job, was able to accomplish shutting down the store. This is official business, I'm a cunt. Maybe you...

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Hillary Clinton Seems Hip

Somebody in the Hillary Clinton campaign camped assigned with making Hillary seem less like a lesbian shrunken apple head signed the candidate up for Spotify and announced her playlist of Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez, and Kelly Clarkson. If you can picture the gelatinous power cube that dwells inside the Hillary Clinton shell shaking tail to Ariana Grande, then you probably already know who you're voting...

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