10.19.2010 Taylor Swift is whining again. About John Mayer this time.

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Taylor Swift, who is 20, briefly dated John Mayer, who is 33, last year while collaborating on her record, and since every bad date this vindictive lunatic ever goes on gets a song about it, it’s a safe bet that the song on her new album called ‘Dear John’ is about Mayer.

The album won’t be released until Oct. 25, but Yahoo Music has the lyrics.

“Dear John/I see it all now that you’re gone/Don’t you think I was too young/To be messed with/The girl in the dress/Cried the whole way home/I should’ve known.”
“It was wrong/Don’t you think nineteen’s too young/To be played/By your dark, twisted games/When I loved you so.”
“My mother accused me of losing my mind/But I swore I was fine.”
“You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors who don’t understand/And I’ll look back in regret I ignored what they said/’Run as fast as you can’.”

Gee Taylor, maybe your dates would go better if the guy didn’t live every minute under the pressure that if he does something wrong, you’ll make him look like an asshole in front of millions of people.

Luckily, in this case, Mayer can write songs too. I think a good song would be one about a guy who worked really long hours locked in a room with this young needy slut who made it clear she was ready to give it up, so the guy was like, yeah okay why not. But she was horrible in bed and super clingy so he bailed. The song is called, “Two Can Play This Little Game, Dumb Ass”.

08.26.2010 Thursday afternoon headlines

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JON MAYER - went on tumblr and said the Huffington Post is “full of shit”, in a 463 word response to a 150 word story that implied he might be back together with Jennifer Aniston. Maybe he overreacted, but let’s see someone blab that you’re dating that fug bitch and see how you like it. (tumblr, huff post)

JEREMY RENNER - has won the lead opposite Tom Cruise in ‘Mission: Impossible 4′, directed by Brad Bird, which will begin production in the fall and film in the U.S., Vancouver, Prague and Dubai. Cruise is expected to star in ‘M:I 5′ as well, but after that the franchise may be handed over to Renner. Actually you can bank on it, because if there’s one thing Hollywood is good at, it’s making long range plans and sticking to it. (deadline)

MATT DAMON - was back today filming scenes for the new season of ‘30 Rock’ (which finally got good last year) and Sherri Shepherd posted a picture of them with Tracy Morgan. Damon plays a pilot who dates Tina Fey, while Shepherd plays the last thing a pound of bacon ever sees. (twitpic)

SOPHIE MONK - is in Hawaii in a bikini, which is more than enough to make the page on a day this incredibly slow. Seriously did you see that Matt Damon story? WTF was that all about? (pacific coast)


03.03.2010 jessica simpson is still mad at john mayer

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When John Mayer told Playboy that sex with Jessica Simpson was like a drug that he could never get enough of, it was the nicest thing anyone had said about her in two years, but for some reason she’s expected to act like she’s been attacked. Us.com says…

“I was so disappointed in him,” she tells Oprah Winfrey. “It made me so sad, and it was really discouraging because that’s not the John that I knew…I hope he gets his life together.”
“He did apologize. I don’t accept it. It’s just one of those things that…I don’t resent him. I’m just going to let that go. That part of my life is over.”

Are we sure she read the right article? Maybe the problem is that he called her “sexual napalm”, because there’s no way in hell Jessica Simpson knows what napalm is. And when she looked it up the only words she recognized was the part about mixing things to form a jelly that goes inside. “I am no mans sex donut,” Jessica probably said definitely after reading that.


02.26.2010 friday afternoon headlines

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JOHN MAYER - apologized again last night during his concert in New York, saying he’s a different person now and can’t believe what an asshole he sounded like in his Playboy interview. Then someone showed him every other interview he’s done for the past 5 years and he said, “Oh OK I guess I can believe it.” (popeater)

BONER - is being remembered after his suicide by his Hollywood friends like Sarah Silverman, Alyssa Milano and Tracy Gold. They don’t say anything too surprising or revealing, but I mention it because having “Alyssa Milano” and “Boner” in the same post will help my google results. (wonderwall)

CARLY SIMON - might have revealed the subject of the song “You’re So Vain” to be David Geffen. I bet the ten people on earth who know what the hell that just meant are pretty surprised. (huff post)

MARISA MILLER - and a bunch of other models are essentially naked in the new British version of GQ. I’d like to point out that this website has more individual readers per month than GQ and Vanity Fair magazines combined. So if any models felt like sending me naked pictures so I can post them and they can be famous, feel free to do so. Se habla espanol. (gq)


02.11.2010 thursday night headlines

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JON GOSSELIN - has a tiny penis, according to his ex girlfriend, Halley Glassman. “He’s hung like a nine-year-old boy. It’s so tiny, tiny, tiny. (I) would laugh about it with my mom.” Jon Gosselin had no comment, the beginning of 6 months without mentioning her, so that when she ends up dead he won’t look like a suspect. (us.com)

ANGELINA JOLIE - paid $20,000 for a 200-year-old olive tree to give to Brad Pitt for Valentines Day, because it’s a sign of peace and longevity. That may sound like a lot, and you can pay 15 grand for an olive tree, but only if you want a complete piece of shit. (wonder wall)

JOHN MAYER - stopped his concert last night to give a tear-soaked apology for some of the things he said in his Playboy interview. Crying in public like this should only strengthen his fan base in the hood. (foundry)

LADY GAGA - may lose some of her goofy outfits because her favorite designer, Alexander McQueen, was found dead today of an apparent suicide. Actually he hung himself, so I don’t know why its’ being called an “apparent suicide”. He either killed himself or he really sucks at making rope swings. (pop eater)

FINALLY, PART 2 - After days of crappy lo-res SI Swimsuit Issue pictures, finally some decent scans have shown up online. Unfortunately, other than Brooklyn Decker, the models this year kind of suck, so this is a real mixed blessing. (si.com)


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02.11.2010 jessica simpson seems flattered

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Black and white alike all hate John Mayer now after his comments about women and race were published in Playboy yesterday. The only person who seems happy about it is Jessica Simpson in this TMZ video, because him saying she was a tiger in the sack is the best press she’s gotten in about two years. Still, it’s nice to see the races come together and agree on something, in this case that John Mayer is a jackass when he tries to be introspective. Beating up John Mayer could be the bridge that brings black and white together. That rock doesn’t care what color you are, my brothers.