Matt Lauer Needs His Fucking Helo

By Matt September 05, 2014 @ 6:04 AM


As part of his new Today extension, NBC has agreed to pay for Matt Lauer to helicopter back and forth to his house in the Hamptons. It’s unclear how often this is happening, but many feel it’s like hitting a meth pipe. Even once is too many. Lauer downplays his chic lifestyle, claiming the Hamptons are not the bourgeois scene many think. Rather, just an idyllic old school Norman Rockewell scenario that cost $10,000 bucks to commute to in a chartered HeliFlite fitted with anti missile gear:

“I think the image that people have is that it’s all polo fields and cocktail parties. And the fact of the matter — my experience and Annette’s experience . . . is about parent-teacher conferences and Little League and music lessons. . . We go to the local drugstore, and we walk the dog on the beach . . . and take pony-riding lessons . . . very much small-town America.”

Lauer paints a fine picture of the regular working stiff cruising over the masses in a chopper to his lair for some pony riding lessons. NBC must be crazy desperate if they are willing to accept insane Guns and Roses rider demands from a bald dude who fake laughs at stories about soap actresses kids. I could name a hand full of struggling actors at my local bar who would do a comparable job and be psyched they got a split on their Uber-X charge. Even though absolutely nobody will ever put their finger on it, there’s just something about Matt Lauer.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Carmen Electra Wears Baywatch Swimsuit For The Today Show

By Lex October 31, 2013 @ 2:05 PM

Carmen Electra And Matt Lauer Wear Baywatch Outfit For Halloween On The Today Show
Carmen Electra is known for being the hot lifeguard replacement to Pam Anderson on Baywatch and for having sex with Dave Navarro, Dennis Rodman, and Tommy Lee. She chose wisely to dress up as the former for Halloween this year. The Today Show will not put you on camera if your costume consists of being drunk with a ripped dress and rocker jizz on your cheek. I have no comment on Matt Lauer. I’m pretending I didn’t see that.

Photo Credit: Splash, Getty

Paula Deen Told The Today Show That She’s Sorry (VIDEO)

By Travis June 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Paula Deen appeared on The Today Show this morning to talk about the fallout of her reported use of the N-word, and how it has affected her personally. She told Matt Lauer that she has been exhausted since everyone found out that she admitted to using racial slurs, according to the deposition she gave for the lawsuit a former employee filed against her on the grounds of racism.

Paula told Matt that she believes that “every one of God’s creatures was created equal” even though she previously displayed that she thinks some are just better servants than others. She was also quick to include a reference to gay people and other religions, just so she has her old, white bases covered.

Man Stabs Himself at the Today Show

By Lex June 06, 2013 @ 3:53 PM

Apparently, the man had no real gripes or complaints or history of mental illness. He just could not fucking stand banal chatter between heavily made-up NBC anchors on the portico of Rockefeller Center. Just kidding. He was pissed at the IRS and the government for ruining his life. Just like the rest of the loons who are somewhat partially right. Cops wrestled him to the ground before he could become a ghost and haunt the shit out of Matt Lauer.

Rosie O’Donnell actually said something smart

By brendon April 24, 2012 @ 1:15 PM

Rosie O’Donnell finally found a way to make her opinions seem well thought out and reasonable; by going on the Today show with the peerlessly stupid Star Jones and Donny Deutsch and discussing Lindsay Lohan.

When Matt Lauer asked about Lindsay (finally) being cast to play Elizabeth Taylor, O’Donnell said:

“I feel very sorry for her. I think she needs a lot of help. She needs a lot of time away.”
“I don’t think she’s right for the role, and I don’t think she’s capable at this point of doing what’s needed to portray that character,’’ she said. “I think the interest level in her has waned significantly.’’
Deutsch then declared that Lohan has the potential to be the Elizabeth Taylor of this generation, on and off-screen.
“You’re out of your mind,’’ Rosie replied.

Elizabeth Taylor became famous because she was a fantastic actress and beautiful beyond measure. Lindsay Lohan became famous because she had big tits when she was 16. Even during her prime she was constantly high, and since then she’s only noteworthy for getting arrested. She actually has way more in common with Lawrence Taylor than Elizabeth Taylor.

Lindsay Lohan went on the Today show, lied her ass off

By brendon February 29, 2012 @ 6:45 PM

The Today show had a preview of the Lindsay Lohan interview that will air tomorrow, and in keeping with the tradition of Lohan women, Lindsay will apparently just tell a bunch of lies the whole time.

For example, when Matt Lauer asked if she can go to parties or clubs now without the temptation to drink or get high, she said:

“I don’t. I mean, I probably could, but that’s not my thing anymore. I went out actually a few months ago with a friend and I was so uncomfortable. Not because I felt tempted. Just because it was just the same thing that it always was before. It just wasn’t fun for me. I have become more of a home body and I like it.”

Of course this is pretty much what Lindsay always says just before getting arrested again (like when she filmed the VMA sketch chastising Chelsea Handler for drinking 5 days before admitting on twitter that she’d failed numerous drug tests), and she didn’t tell Lauer about getting drunk and going to any party that will have her, and sneaking in to the ones that won’t, and when she says she mostly stays at “home” these days, she means Chateau Marmont, the hotel where Jim Belushi died and the center of Hollywoods hardcore party scene for decades.

But, whatever, because then Lauer asked if the death of Whitney Houston registered with her on a personal level. First she look perplexed, then befuddled, then sleepy, and then she said:

“(long pause)
I don’t…
(long pause)
Not… not really. I wouldn’t like to… I don’t want to go there. That’s kind of a scary, morbid thing to discuss.”

Actually that was her second answer. Her first answer was, “Who’s Whitney Houston?”