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Kim And Kanye Ruin Disneyland And Shit Around The Web

Human bowel polyps Kim Kardashian and Kanye West celebrated the birth of North West by taking over regions of Disneyland and making every other child in the Magical Kingdom suffer the wrath of their selfie and show hogging narcissism. I'm glad Walt is dead. I mean, just in general. Watch the dreams of children die for this spoiled brat's amusement. (Huffington Post) Daniela Lopez Osorio is all greasy and bikinied. (...read more

The Whoriest Place on Earth

Evenas smallpox are still being scraped off the flocking of the Matterhorn, the Kardashians have decided to rent out Disneyland for North's upcoming second birthday. You may recall North as the bastard child of Kim Kardashian by way of Yeezus seed and the dark arts.No fault to the child. Though some diligent member of Opus Dei will have to dispose ofher mortal coils before the presence of six spring lambs. That's...read more

Put The Needle In Her Arm Already

Kris Jenner posted aphoto of her crying grandchild North West understandably having a tantrum while waiting for her super straight dad's suede booty fashion show to start. That's fine. Tagging Beyonce and a host of other celebrities in the post could be pushing it.I feel we should allow children the decision to become useless assholes instead of having the decision thrust upon them. Like with Mormons or those guys who...read more

North West: Stripper Baby And Shit Around The Web

Kim Kardashian said she will be proud when North West inevitably also poses nude. She also said she has a bunch of other hopes for her daughter, but who honestly pays attention once a mom says she can't wait for her toddler to get naked for the cameras. Read all about Kim's wonderful parenting. (The Superficial) Iggy Azalea is not impressed by Eminem's rape threats. (TMZ) Hey, wanna see Christina Milian's nipple? (...read more

North West Could Use Some Fake Tits

Update: Just to be clear, between attorneys for black Jesus, my own counsel the ghost of Justice Brandeis, and one very pissed-off toddler, I'd like to clearly state that nothing in this post should imply, indicate, or infer that I honestly believe a young child should have breast augmentation surgery or engage in any types of illicit carnal transactions. There's time for everything in life. For this beautiful child,...read more

North West In Lockdown

Kanye West is beefing up the security detailfor his most closely approximating legitimate child, North. He wants to build a zone of privacy around his daughter from the shutterbugs and voyeurs and Satan to whom he promised his first born in exchange for this whole inexplicable career success. Kanye joins the ranks of celebrities unable to perceive the irony that disturbingly invasive levels of media exposure are...read more

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North West Pisses on Kanye

Kim Kardashian revealed to Seth Myers that baby North West pissed all over Kanye West during their infamous Vogue shoot. It seems that the unibrowed womb troll decided to use Kanye's chest as a diaper while they were taking a family shot on a couch. North is naked in the picture as a very early indicator of how the Kardashian clain raises their girl children to respect the process. Ihave a new found respect for baby...read more

Joan Rivers Brow Shames North West

Hollywood crypt keeper Joan Rivers aimed her millennia old venom at Kim and Kanye's demon spawn North West. It all went down on an episode of Rivers' horrifically terrible Fashion Police show. The subject of the Kardashian/West womb weasel came up and the ever controversial Rivers commented on North's unibrow. She said, "That baby is ugly … I've never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing" Normally I...read more

Kardashian Baby Raises the Whorecrux for New Year's

Kardashian hustler training begins early for the girls. The feel of precious stones in the palm of the hand during the infant years, the ability to determine the true pre-tax income of a suitor from just the taste of his bodily fluids, and, naturally, vomiting to keep trim. By the time she's not allowed to go to kindergarten, North will be able to tell the cut, clarity, carart, and color of this stone with just a...read more

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Take Their Baby Out Just Like Regular Parents

Somebody from the PR team told Kim and Kanye that before this bastard baby gets old enough to drop out of middle school, they need to get some photos taken pretending to be normal parents. As in, get on your $150 t-shirts and walk that baby around in a hermetically sealed bassinet. The move itself shocked the encircling team of nannies, handlers, and bodyguards who nervously shuffled around like Secret Service agents...read more

Stop Looking At Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian's planned disguise of looking just like Kim Kardashian in Kim Kardashian's G-Class Benz failed as she attempted one of her first rides out with her bastard baby. Kim recently returned from Paris, finding being away from the ladies who give her reports about her baby to be very emotionally challenging. So, it's bonding time. Which in the Kardashian family means take your baby to a paid photoshoot....read more

North West Get Thousands Of Dollars In Designer Baby Clothes

The infant Yessiah, North West, received a fortune in baby clothes gifts at Paris fashion week even though she was left back in Los Angeles to to the care of her talking orangutan guardians while her parents party in the City of Light. North's slutbag mother has been trolling around fashion week trying to gain attention for some product she was hawking, most notably her new even bigger mom tits. The most famous baby...read more

Kris Jenner Whores Out Granddaughter In Effort Save Her Show

Let's see. What great celebrity guests has Kris Jenner booked on her daytime talk show this week. Khloe Kardashian, Scott Disick, Kyle Jenner, Kendall Jenner, and, today, going outside the bloodline for Kanye West, who brought along the big reveal, a picture of his bastard baby with Kim Kardashian, North West. The first photo reveal of the baby, being used to try and save Kris Jenner's show. Kris has been criticized...read more

Kim Kardashian Pisses Off Facebook With Fake Baby Pic

Kim Kardashian pulled a fast one on her Facebook friends by posting a picture of her holding a baby that was not North West. The baby she's carrying in sister Kourtney's son Mason, but honestly, who gives a shit about him. He's not North West, the Yessiah. Kim's Facebook friends left 3500 comments full of ire over this bullshit game of psyching people out with pics of her womb ferret. Her mom posted a similar fake...read more

Kris Jenner Thinks North West Isn't Going To Be Teased

Kris Jenner, the crusty vaginal font of all things Kardashian, said that she doesn't think her new granddaughter will be picked on at school for her name. Kris was on Watch What Happens Live on Wednesday and gay Muppet host Andy Cohen asked her if she thought that lil' North was going to be mocked by kids in school because, you know, her name is fucking stupid, her mom is a porn star, and her dad, by this point, has...read more