Kim Going All Out For Attention

February 9, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Kim Kardashian and kids don’t mix. She’s 37 and if it wasn’t for the law declaring 18-year-olds as official adults I’m pretty sure Kris would still have to be responsible for her. So what did Kim do now? It involves partial nudity and Instagram as always. Her daughter North took a photo of her mother […]

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Kim And Kanye Ruin Disneyland And Shit Around The Web

June 16, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Human bowel polyps Kim Kardashian and Kanye West celebrated the birth of North West by taking over regions of Disneyland and making every other child in the Magical Kingdom suffer the wrath of their selfie and show hogging narcissism. I’m glad Walt is dead. I mean, just in general. Watch the dreams of children die […]

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The Whoriest Place on Earth

June 5, 2015 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Even as smallpox are still being scraped off the flocking of the Matterhorn, the Kardashians have decided to rent out Disneyland for North’s upcoming second birthday. You may recall North as the bastard child of Kim Kardashian by way of Yeezus seed and the dark arts. No fault to the child. Though some diligent member of Opus […]

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Put The Needle In Her Arm Already

February 16, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Kris Jenner posted a photo of her crying grandchild North West understandably having a tantrum while waiting for her super straight dad’s suede booty fashion show to start. That’s fine. Tagging Beyonce and a host of other celebrities in the post could be pushing it. I feel we should allow children the decision to become useless assholes […]

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North West: Stripper Baby And Shit Around The Web

November 22, 2014 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Kim Kardashian said she will be proud when North West inevitably also poses nude. She also said she has a bunch of other hopes for her daughter, but who honestly pays attention once a mom says she can’t wait for her toddler to get naked for the cameras. Read all about Kim’s wonderful parenting. (The […]

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North West Could Use Some Fake Tits

September 29, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Update: Just to be clear, between attorneys for black Jesus, my own counsel the ghost of Justice Brandeis, and one very pissed-off toddler, I’d like to clearly state that nothing in this post should imply, indicate, or infer that I honestly believe a young child should have breast augmentation surgery or engage in any types […]

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North West In Lockdown

June 6, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Kanye West is beefing up the security detail  for his most closely approximating legitimate child, North. He wants to build a zone of privacy around his daughter from the shutterbugs and voyeurs and Satan to whom he promised his first born in exchange for this whole inexplicable career success. Kanye joins the ranks of celebrities unable […]

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North West Pisses on Kanye

March 26, 2014 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Kim Kardashian revealed to Seth Myers that baby North West pissed all over Kanye West during their infamous Vogue shoot. It seems that the unibrowed womb troll decided to use Kanye’s chest as a diaper while they were taking a family shot on a couch. North is naked in the picture as a very early […]

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Joan Rivers Brow Shames North West

January 22, 2014 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Hollywood crypt keeper Joan Rivers aimed her millennia old venom at Kim and Kanye’s demon spawn North West. It all went down on an episode of Rivers’ horrifically terrible Fashion Police show. The subject of the Kardashian/West womb weasel came up and the ever controversial Rivers commented on North’s unibrow. She said, “That baby is […]

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Kardashian Baby Raises the Whorecrux for New Year’s

January 2, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Kardashian hustler training begins early for the girls. The feel of precious stones in the palm of the hand during the infant years, the ability to determine the true pre-tax income of a suitor from just the taste of his bodily fluids, and, naturally, vomiting to keep trim. By the time she’s not allowed to […]

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