North West Pisses on Kanye

By Jack March 26, 2014 @ 12:38 PM

Kim Kardashian revealed to Seth Myers that baby North West pissed all over Kanye West during their infamous Vogue shoot. It seems that the unibrowed womb troll decided to use Kanye’s chest as a diaper while they were taking a family shot on a couch. North is naked in the picture as a very early indicator of how the Kardashian clain raises their girl children to respect the process. I have a new found respect for baby North. I’ve always thought that she was probably going to grow up to be a monster since she is being raised by the two biggest narcissistic assholes on the planet. But maybe she’ll be okay if she already innately understands her dad is s shit can.


(Photo Via Vogue)

Joan Rivers Brow Shames North West

By Jack January 21, 2014 @ 2:53 PM

Hollywood crypt keeper Joan Rivers aimed her millennia old venom at Kim and Kanye’s demon spawn North West. It all went down on an episode of Rivers’ horrifically terrible Fashion Police show. The subject of the Kardashian/West womb weasel came up and the ever controversial Rivers commented on North’s unibrow. She said,

“That baby is ugly … I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing”

Normally I would agree that it is fucked up to make fun of an infant. But that demon spawn  looks like fucking Bert from Sesame Street. Not that Kim should wax that shit. She’s a little child and they just have to deal with the fact that she looks like one of those baby Ewoks from Return of the Jedi. When Kim was previously accused of waxing North’s eyebrows Kim tweeted back,

“Do people really think I would wax my daughters eyebrows so young? Come on, I’d wait until she’s at least 2 1/2!”

Haha, Kim’s paid social media writer made a funny. But seriously, laser a break in that brow, you shape-shifting succubus..

Kardashian Baby Raises the Whorecrux for New Year’s

By Lex January 01, 2014 @ 12:28 PM

Kardashian hustler training begins early for the girls. The feel of precious stones in the palm of the hand during the infant years, the ability to determine the true pre-tax income of a suitor from just the taste of his bodily fluids, and, naturally, vomiting to keep trim. By the time she’s not allowed to go to kindergarten, North will be able to tell the cut, clarity, carart, and color of this stone with just a simple sniff. Convincing a drunk Kanye that her vagina was actually her ass was just step one for Kim Kardashian’s diabolical progeny plan. Now the real training begins. The whore grows strong in this one.

Photo credit: Kim Kardashian/Instagram

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Take Their Baby Out Just Like Regular Parents

By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 2:13 PM

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Go Out With Their Baby North In New York
Somebody from the PR team told Kim and Kanye that before this bastard baby gets old enough to drop out of middle school, they need to get some photos taken pretending to be normal parents. As in, get on your $150 t-shirts and walk that baby around in a hermetically sealed bassinet. The move itself shocked the encircling team of nannies, handlers, and bodyguards who nervously shuffled around like Secret Service agents when the President decided to get out of his limo to go shake hands with the common folk. The entire parenting episode lasted about two minutes, or 10,000 pictures, at which point Kim and Kanye both shuddered and said ‘eww’ and deposited the baby back into the vault that can only be unlocked by cash offers of greater than $250,000.

Photo Credit: INFphoto, PCN, FameFlynet

Stop Looking At Kim Kardashian

By Lex October 11, 2013 @ 2:26 PM

Kim Kardashian Covers Her Face As She Drives With North West In The Car In The San Fernando Valley
Kim Kardashian’s planned disguise of looking just like Kim Kardashian in Kim Kardashian’s G-Class Benz failed as she attempted one of her first rides out with her bastard baby. Kim recently returned from Paris, finding being away from the ladies who give her reports about her baby to be very emotionally challenging. So, it’s bonding time. Which in the Kardashian family means take your baby to a paid photoshoot. Paparazzi were not thrown off incognito Kim’s tracks, even when she tried to pass as a commoner by hoisting her $10K designer handbag in front of her face. Sometimes Kim is such a silly skank.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

North West Get Thousands Of Dollars In Designer Baby Clothes

By Jack October 01, 2013 @ 2:35 PM

The infant Yessiah, North West, received a fortune in baby clothes gifts at Paris fashion week even though she was left back in Los Angeles to to the care of her talking orangutan guardians while her parents party in the City of Light. North’s slutbag mother has been trolling around fashion week trying to gain attention for some product she was hawking, most notably her new even bigger mom tits. The most famous baby in the world that no one has ever seen live got quite a haul from real fashion designers. Kim decided to Instagram pictures of the designer baby threads before she took them to a back alley in the Latin Quarter to trade for some off-brand diet pills.

(Picture Via Instagram/Kimkardashian)