(update) Vienna Girardi of the Bachelor is doing Playboy

By brendon June 30, 2010 @ 4:18 PM

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Just so we’re clear the girl pictured is not Vienna Girardi from ‘the Bachelor’. Vienna Girardi is this lunatic and she’s been in a million news articles this week for reasons I might know if I had read any of them.

I didn’t want her fuggin up my erotic website and this is about Playboy so instead this post has pictures of Playboy model Julri Waters, who is Asian, 5’3″ and a 32G. It’s like someone made a girl based on nothing but my sexy fantasies. She needs to contact me immediately so we can get married.

Anyway. Not that it maters anymore, but Star says…

Fresh off her split from The Bachelor’s Jake Pavelka, newly single Vienna Girardi is ready to show off her sexy body. So the 24-year-old former Hooters waitress is stripping down for Playboy!
“I am going to be on the cover of Playboy later this year,” Vienna tells Star.
“The Bachelor didn’t pay me a dime, and I ran through my savings living with Jake,” Vienna says of her decision to pose for Playboy — a deal she hopes will net her $250,000. ” I need the money. And I want to do something fun and happy for myself!”

Yeah, 250 sounds right. Go ahead and ask for that. And when Hef stops laughing, he’ll wave goodbye and say, “have fun riding your dolphin back to Fantasy Land jackass.” I don’t even know who this chick is and she’s at the peak of her fame, not to mention she’s ridiculous looking, so good luck at the bargaining table genius. If she’s ever in Playboy there better be a big red X over her and then a link to the sexy girls like Julri.

CRAZY BITCH UPDATE: Playboy says, “This is the first we’ve heard of Vienna Girardi appearing on the cover of Playboy. We are not in negotiations with her and have not made her an offer.”

(NSFW pics here. source = the greatest 9 dollars you’ll ever spend)

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vanessa hudgens must be handicapped

By brendon May 28, 2010 @ 6:18 PM

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Vanessa Hudgens of course is that sexy bitch from those Disney movies, and yesterday she was caught parking in an alleged handicapped spot (they should mark these better).

I get mad when unattractive people do that, but in this case I agree with the hot teenager who is constantly taking and texting naked pictures of herself. I really admire the way she stands up to those god damed elderly. If you think about it, they need the exercise more than healthy people, so their spots should be as far away as possible. It’s part of Vanessas tough love program. She’s an amazing lady!

(source = fame pictures)

punching girls is good excercise

By brendon September 17, 2009 @ 5:11 PM

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Picking up trash because you punch girls in the face got a little bit sexier today when Chris Brown took off his shirt after a hard day of court ordered public service. He’s a jackass but he’s got good abs, I’ll give him that.

Back in Louisiana, I had a black friend named Curtis and he was built like one of the X-Men, like 220 pounds and all ripped out for no reason. As if his mom had been raped by a bear or something. For a while me and another friend had a theory that he was Batman. And one day I asked Curtis how the hell this happened because he’d never touched a weight in his life, and he patted his stomach and said, “it’s all those white girls man.” But I don’t think he knew either because I was sleeping with white girls too and I didn’t look like that.

Another time me and him were driving around and some hicks in a truck started yelling at us and he told me to pull over. And so I did. And then they did. And before I knew what was happening he took off his shirt and jumped out of the car and ran after them screaming like a lunatic and they sped off as fast as their POS truck would take them. And he got back in the car and I said, “what the hell are you doing”. And he said, “nah it’s cool. White boys are scared of big niggas.” And I said, “you are gonna put your shirt back on, right?”

My stories rarely go anywhere or have any point, in case you hadn’t noticed.

(hq jump here.  source = splash news online)

you women are all nuts

By brendon September 17, 2009 @ 1:01 PM

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Rihanna walked around New York yesterday with her pierced breasts on full display, and Jesus Christ I’ve just about had it with you god damn women. I dated a girl once and it took three weeks to get her into bed, and when I got down there it turns out she’s pierced. So I had to jump through hoops for almost a month but at one point she went to a strip mall and spread her legs for some ex-con with a spike through his nose so he could stab her in the clitoris. Fantastic.

Milla is completely awesome, naked

By brendon September 08, 2009 @ 6:11 PM

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I’ve always thought Milla Jovovich was insanely gorgeous, and anyone who sees these pictures from the Fall issue of ‘Purple’ magazine will undoubtedly agree. I’ll never understand how a hack like Paul Anderson tricked her into marriage. I guess his plan for hitting on her was cooler than mine, which was to ask her out and when she said no, stand there and nod and act like it was no big deal until my bottom lip started to quiver and then curl up on the floor and whimper.

(all the pix on the other side for obvious naked reasons)

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Miami looks fun

By brendon August 24, 2009 @ 4:29 PM

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Actress Carla Velli is kind of like the Scarlett Johansson of Italy, and I have no idea if that’s true or not but people are always saying dumb shit like that so it might be true, and if we all just kind of agree that she is or at least might be the Scarlett Johansson of Italy and then drop it, then it sort of becomes relevant to this page and we can sit back and leer at the pictures of her topless yesterday in Miami. I know which one I’m doin. Join me, won’t you?

(hq jump here. 10 more, the good ones, here. source = splash news online)