Picking up trash because you punch girls in the face got a little bit sexier today when Chris Brown took off his shirt after a hard day of court ordered public service. He’s a jackass but he’s got good abs, I’ll give him that.
Back in Louisiana, I had a black friend named Curtis and he was built like one of the X-Men, like 220 pounds and all ripped out for no reason. As if his mom had been raped by a bear or something. For a while me and another friend had a theory that he was Batman. And one day I asked Curtis how the hell this happened because he’d never touched a weight in his life, and he patted his stomach and said, “it’s all those white girls man.” But I don’t think he knew either because I was sleeping with white girls too and I didn’t look like that.
Another time me and him were driving around and some hicks in a truck started yelling at us and he told me to pull over. And so I did. And then they did. And before I knew what was happening he took off his shirt and jumped out of the car and ran after them screaming like a lunatic and they sped off as fast as their POS truck would take them. And he got back in the car and I said, “what the hell are you doing”. And he said, “nah it’s cool. White boys are scared of big niggas.” And I said, “you are gonna put your shirt back on, right?”
My stories rarely go anywhere or have any point, in case you hadn’t noticed.
(hq jump here. source = splash news online)
Rihanna walked around New York yesterday with her pierced breasts on full display, and Jesus Christ I’ve just about had it with you god damn women. I dated a girl once and it took three weeks to get her into bed, and when I got down there it turns out she’s pierced. So I had to jump through hoops for almost a month but at one point she went to a strip mall and spread her legs for some ex-con with a spike through his nose so he could stab her in the clitoris. Fantastic.
I’ve always thought Milla Jovovich was insanely gorgeous, and anyone who sees these pictures from the Fall issue of ‘Purple’ magazine will undoubtedly agree. I’ll never understand how a hack like Paul Anderson tricked her into marriage. I guess his plan for hitting on her was cooler than mine, which was to ask her out and when she said no, stand there and nod and act like it was no big deal until my bottom lip started to quiver and then curl up on the floor and whimper.
(all the pix on the other side for obvious naked reasons)
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Actress Carla Velli is kind of like the Scarlett Johansson of Italy, and I have no idea if that’s true or not but people are always saying dumb shit like that so it might be true, and if we all just kind of agree that she is or at least might be the Scarlett Johansson of Italy and then drop it, then it sort of becomes relevant to this page and we can sit back and leer at the pictures of her topless yesterday in Miami. I know which one I’m doin. Join me, won’t you?
(hq jump here. 10 more, the good ones, here. source = splash news online)
I’m not entirely sure how someone could lay out poolside at a hotel in Los Angeles and yet the only pictures of it are in newspapers from London, but that’s what Kelly Brook and her boyfriend whose name I’m not going to learn did yesterday. I also don’t know what he’s doing here, but it’s exactly what I would be doing 35 hours a day. “Oh no I slipped again. Clumsy me! Luckily your huge breasts were there to cushion me.” I wouldn’t go ten steps without falling into her big awesome tits. If you saw us on a date you’d think I just landed here from some other planet with half the gravity.
Considering how rich he is I always thought Kanye could do better than Amber Rose. She’s not that good looking and her haircut makes her look like she’s from the future, and she has that big ass which I find disgusting but I guess black guys love. The point to all this is that she looked surprisingly good yesterday on the beach in Miami. And by that I mean, “tits”.
(all the topless pics over here. or jumpa jumpa here. hq jump here. source = mavrix online)
