Tom Cruises ‘Oblivion’ has its first trailer

By brendon December 10, 2012 @ 4:24 PM

‘Oblivion’ is set on earth 60 years after a cataclysmic attack, and if we had Wall-E technology it was destroyed because now Tom Cruise has to do that job. He and some girl are all that’s left, and she warns Tom Cruise not to take any chances. He immediately takes some dangerous chances, and some wolf thing tricks him and handcuffs him to a chair. Ahh, or was it Morgan Freeman, who I guess just sat in the dark waiting for Cruise to wake up so he could dramatically light his cigar?

NOTE: it was more than likely Freeman and all those people who weren’t supposed to be there.

‘Jack Reacher’ has a new trailer

By brendon October 17, 2012 @ 4:46 PM







This first full trailer for ‘Jack Reacher’ is a little underwhelming, and it really should have kept the name ‘One Shot‘, but it’s directed by the great Christopher McQuarrie and produced by Skydance, which is as close as you can get to a sure thing in Hollywood. It even has Werner Herzog as the villain. Every single person involved with this is smart and really good at making movies, it has to be good.

Still, they probably should have found a way to add that fat little redneck girl Honey Boo-Boo, because most people are morons, and there’s only so much quality one movie can have before that approach backfires.

Tom Cruise might be leaving Scientology. But why?

By brendon September 26, 2012 @ 7:07 PM

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This seems unlikely, but Star says Tom Cruise has been distancing himself from Scientology in the wake of his divorce from Katie Holmes and spending more time with non-Scientologist friends because he feels it has hurt him both personally and professionally.

“Tom’s been leaning on friends who have different perspectives, getting advice on moving on from Katie as well as on everything he’s been going through with Scientology,” the insider said. “He’s finally seeing that being such an advocate for Scientology hasn’t served him as well as he’d hoped — he’s gone through three divorces, and his public perception has sunk to an all-time low.”

Hopefully this is true because Tom Cruise is a genuinely nice guy by all accounts. I assume Scientology will try to harass him into staying but just ignore them. They’re basically sci-fi nerds. They’re about as intimidating as those gangs in old movies who walk together in a line snapping their fingers.

Lindsay wants tax cuts for people mislabeled by Forbes

By brendon September 07, 2012 @ 4:05 PM

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Lindsay Lohan was speaking for all of us last night when she stood up to those fat cats in DC and let them know that tax cuts for the middle class are not enough, we also needs tax cuts for people who are mistakingly listed as a millionaire in magazines. If we’re ever gonna get America working again, we need to lift the tax burden on those one or two people who might exist!

And that was the second tweet in three days prompted by the voices in Lindsays head, because she also wants Tom Cruise to know she was not involved in the Vanity Fair story about Scientology trying to find a wife for him.

“I just want everyone & @TomCruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.”

So that clears that up. You might have thought it was already clear because Lindsay was never mentioned in that story, in any way, and there have been no rumors or reports that she had anything to do with it, but now it’s double clear.

No word yet on if she’ll be on the mound for the Orioles tonight or if she’s a copy of the iPhone, but those are also popular stories I’ve heard about, and she hasn’t denied it so naturally I assume she’s involved.

Yolanda Pecoraro could be the next Mrs. Tom Cruise

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 8:09 PM

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Yolanda Pecoraro, who for some reason is named “Yolanda” but isn’t black, is reportedly a candidate to become Mrs. Tom Cruise 4: Ghost Protocol. Not because she and Tom are in a successful relationship, but because she’s a Scientologist, and has been since she was 13, thanks to her parents, who are also Scientologists.

The Daily Mail says…

Another insider claims that then church will do whatever it takes to provide damage control to the very public divorce between Tom and Katie.
‘With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly,’ the source said.
‘They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom’s next wife, they’d certainly want her to have a child soon.
‘So she could quickly be going from her modest apartment to a mansion in Beverly Hills with a baby on the way. And there’s little doubt she’d do what’s best for the church.’

I’m not gonna lie to you; I don’t think that finding a young Latin girl for Tom Cruise to impregnate is gonna make anyone change their mind about Scientology being a cult. Now they’ll just think it’s a cult in Mexico.

do Suris legs not work or something

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

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Yesterday Tom Cruise picked up his daughter Suri for his first visitation, and he hasn’t put her down since. They went to Tom’s hotel, then left the hotel to get in a car, which took them to her gymnastics class, and today they got on a helicopter, and Cruise carried her the entire time.

She’s 6. Seems a little old to be carried everywhere. Tom should tell her to stop being such a needy little princess, just like my dad told me when I wanted to see a doctor about my broken arm.

(image source = fame/flynet)