Lindsay wants tax cuts for people mislabeled by Forbes

By brendon September 07, 2012 @ 4:05 PM


Lindsay Lohan was speaking for all of us last night when she stood up to those fat cats in DC and let them know that tax cuts for the middle class are not enough, we also needs tax cuts for people who are mistakingly listed as a millionaire in magazines. If we’re ever gonna get America working again, we need to lift the tax burden on those one or two people who might exist!

And that was the second tweet in three days prompted by the voices in Lindsays head, because she also wants Tom Cruise to know she was not involved in the Vanity Fair story about Scientology trying to find a wife for him.

“I just want everyone & @TomCruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.”

So that clears that up. You might have thought it was already clear because Lindsay was never mentioned in that story, in any way, and there have been no rumors or reports that she had anything to do with it, but now it’s double clear.

No word yet on if she’ll be on the mound for the Orioles tonight or if she’s a copy of the iPhone, but those are also popular stories I’ve heard about, and she hasn’t denied it so naturally I assume she’s involved.

Yolanda Pecoraro could be the next Mrs. Tom Cruise

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 8:09 PM


Yolanda Pecoraro, who for some reason is named “Yolanda” but isn’t black, is reportedly a candidate to become Mrs. Tom Cruise 4: Ghost Protocol. Not because she and Tom are in a successful relationship, but because she’s a Scientologist, and has been since she was 13, thanks to her parents, who are also Scientologists.

The Daily Mail says…

Another insider claims that then church will do whatever it takes to provide damage control to the very public divorce between Tom and Katie.
‘With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly,’ the source said.
‘They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom’s next wife, they’d certainly want her to have a child soon.
‘So she could quickly be going from her modest apartment to a mansion in Beverly Hills with a baby on the way. And there’s little doubt she’d do what’s best for the church.’

I’m not gonna lie to you; I don’t think that finding a young Latin girl for Tom Cruise to impregnate is gonna make anyone change their mind about Scientology being a cult. Now they’ll just think it’s a cult in Mexico.

do Suris legs not work or something

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

Yesterday Tom Cruise picked up his daughter Suri for his first visitation, and he hasn’t put her down since. They went to Tom’s hotel, then left the hotel to get in a car, which took them to her gymnastics class, and today they got on a helicopter, and Cruise carried her the entire time.

She’s 6. Seems a little old to be carried everywhere. Tom should tell her to stop being such a needy little princess, just like my dad told me when I wanted to see a doctor about my broken arm.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Tom Cruise got to visit Suri today

By brendon July 17, 2012 @ 7:02 PM


Tom Cruise was allowed to visit his daughter Suri in New York today for the first time since Katie Holmes filed for divorce, the Daily Mail says. Because, remember, he’s the bad parent. His religion takes millions of dollars from it’s members and believes in an all powerful being who came to earth a long time ago, whereas Katie Holmes is a Catholic.

try and guess if Suri got this puppy

By brendon July 16, 2012 @ 5:53 PM


No. She didn’t. Katie Holmes took Suri to a pet store in New York, and they looked at puppies, a “morkie” and a French bulldog, but then they didn’t get one, and Suri cried. A lot. The photo agency described her as “inconsolable”.

And then an hour after that, this mysterious brochure was slid under Suri’s door titled, “Scientology. We have like a million puppies!”

(image source = splash)

Tom Cruise is threatening to sue the Enquirer

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 2:44 PM


This weeks cover for the Enquirer claims Tom Cruise kept Katie Holmes trapped in a HOUSE OF HORRORS (yellow arrow pointing to said house, thankfully included), that “the real Tom is a monster” who locked their daughter Suri in a “tiny, windowless room” for 5 months, that Katie had a secret breakdown, and that Paula Dean lied about how she lost 30 pounds.

Surprisingly, Tom Cruise has taken offense to this (except for the Paula Dean part) and, much like he successfully did with Star, Cruises terrifying attorney Bert Fields is threatening to sue the Enquirer, potentially for hundreds of millions, if they don’t retract their story immediately.

The Hollywood Reporter says:

Fields claims the tabloid’s most recent cover story is “disgraceful and lurid” and will cause the actor “hundreds of millions of dollars of professional and personal damages, for which we intend to hold American Media, and everyone who participated in the perpetuation of this scurrilous attack, jointly and severally liable.”

The letter ends with a threat of litigation if the Enquirer does not “retract each and every one of your false allegations about Mr. Cruise with the same prominence and emphasis as you gave your original false and defamatory assertions.”

In Tom’s defense, it’s not as if he deceived Katie somehow. Everyone knew he was a Scientologist and that Scientology is a scary cult and she married him anyway. He was very upfront. Hell, my girlfriend doesn’t even know my real name, much less about my second family in Florida.

(image source of cruise, who was visited by his son connor, filming ‘oblivion’ in june lake = inf)