This weeks cover for the Enquirer claims Tom Cruise kept Katie Holmes trapped in a HOUSE OF HORRORS (yellow arrow pointing to said house, thankfully included), that “the real Tom is a monster” who locked their daughter Suri in a “tiny, windowless room” for 5 months, that Katie had a secret breakdown, and that Paula Dean lied about how she lost 30 pounds.
Surprisingly, Tom Cruise has taken offense to this (except for the Paula Dean part) and, much like he successfully did with Star, Cruises terrifying attorney Bert Fields is threatening to sue the Enquirer, potentially for hundreds of millions, if they don’t retract their story immediately.
The Hollywood Reporter says:
Fields claims the tabloid’s most recent cover story is “disgraceful and lurid” and will cause the actor “hundreds of millions of dollars of professional and personal damages, for which we intend to hold American Media, and everyone who participated in the perpetuation of this scurrilous attack, jointly and severally liable.”
The letter ends with a threat of litigation if the Enquirer does not “retract each and every one of your false allegations about Mr. Cruise with the same prominence and emphasis as you gave your original false and defamatory assertions.”
In Tom’s defense, it’s not as if he deceived Katie somehow. Everyone knew he was a Scientologist and that Scientology is a scary cult and she married him anyway. He was very upfront. Hell, my girlfriend doesn’t even know my real name, much less about my second family in Florida.
(image source of cruise, who was visited by his son connor, filming ‘oblivion’ in june lake = inf)
The LA Times says that when Katie Holmes decided to divorce Tom Cruise, she used disposable cell phones provided by a friend to secretly contact lawyers, and Us weekly says she confided in Nicole Kidman while she “secretly plotted to end her marriage”, and People says her “secretive exit strategy” included moving into a new apartment in Manhattan. And then they also say this:
The still-stunned (Cruise) “was a happy man and thought he had a happy life,” says another source. “He keeps asking, ‘What’s happening?’ ”
So did she ever pause during all her backhanded scheming to talk to Cruise about the state of their marriage? It doesn’t sound like it. So either Scientology is so bad she couldn’t risk letting Cruise know their marriage was coming to an end, or she’s kind of a bitch and he’s actually the victim here. Or maybe it’s a little of both. Speculative, wishy-washy answers, exclusively on WWTDD!
(image source of katie, her mom, and suri at the new york zoo today = inf)
Tom Cruise has reportedly reached such an advanced level in Scientology that he now has power over the physical universe and can bend the wills of men. And also animals. Because religion and Call of Duty work the same way; you achieve and unlock levels.
Cruise is at the very advanced “OT VII” stage. Operative Thetans (have) total ‘control’ over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.”
“At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.”
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but if Sceientolgoy can turn me into some Magneto-Charles Xavier-Aquaman hybrid, they should have advertised that and made it much more clear. Here’s my money. Point me toward the e-meters.
(image source of cruise back on the set of ‘oblivion‘ in mammoth, ca, because despite all that other stuff, tom cruise is a fucking professional who fully commits to every movie he makes = inf)
According to Forbes, Tom Cruise has made over $240 million since he married Katie Holmes in 2006(*), so while there are no specific details about what she’s getting paid for her shockingly fast and civil (in this case meaning no leaks to the tabloids about her thoughts on Scientology) divorce settlement from Tom Cruise, suffice to say it will be a lot.
“I probably make the estimate between $20 million to, maybe, 40, 20 to 50,” celebrity family attorney Lisa Helfend Meyer told Celebuzz. “A reasonable range, to me, would be between $20 and 30 [million]. Plus, she gets her child support. In California, it’s usually 7-10% of a person’s income — which, in [Cruise's] case, would make it exorbitant.”
Ok but it’s not really a good sign when someone gives you an estimate and the last number is 2.5 times the first. “Did you get a good look at the suspect?” “Yes. He was about 6 feet tall. Maybe 15. He was between 6 and 15 feet tall.”
(*) $75 million last year, $22M in 2010, $33M in 2009, $13M in 2008, $31M in 2007, and $67M in 2006. The $30M in 2005, the year they started dating, would bring the total to $271 million.
When Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise, it was immediately followed by dire predictions about how long and nasty the settlement would be. Well now we have the answer: “12 days” and “not at all”.
Though no specific details are known just yet, People says an arrangement has been reached, Cruise and Holmes have both signed it, and…
“Sources close to both sides say that Cruise and Holmes were working on an arrangement in which Suri lives in New York with her mother and her father is given generous visitation rights.”
It was thought that Holmes did want to live in New York to get Suri away from Scientology, so this is perhaps the best she could have hoped for. Unfortunately for her Scientology has intergalactic spaceships, our puny Earth borders mean nothing to them. Seize her you fools, she’s escaping! Find her and the child at once, and cast them into the Pit of Sorrow!
(image source of katie and suri back at the children’s museum of the arts in new york today = fame/flynet)
I hope that headline didn’t imply that I know all the latest developments in the divorce between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Oh my God this stupid thing is so confusing, and there’s like a billion stories on it every day!
CRUISE WILL FILE RIVAL DIVORCE PAPERS – probably in California, and may ask for full custody of Suri. Did you know you’re not allowed to bluff when asking for full custody, and you actually have to keep the kid? Holy shit did I learn that the hard way. (bbc)
HOLMES WILL BE IN FAMILY COURT – on July 17 in New York City at an order to show cause hearing. Which has something to do with custody and child support. Like all legal talk, the explanation just looks like they typed random words in no particular order. (e!)
THE NIECE OF DAVID MISCAVIGE – who is the leader of Scientology and the guy who set Cruise up with Holmes, says Katie is right to be scared of what Scientology will do to Suri. “My experience in growing up in Scientology is that it is both mentally and at times physically abusive.” Also there’s very little Science going on, despite what the name may lead you to believe. (nydn)
THE DIVORCE IS NOT ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY – according to someone close to Cruise. And it must be true because why would he lie? (tmz)
KATIE TOOK SURI TO THE CHILDRENS MUSEUM OF THE ARTS – in New York today, and she was crying a little. Is that because of the divorce? Is it because I was just off camera in a werewolf mask, pointing at her and then stabbing at the air with a knife? Both? (image source = splash)