do Suris legs not work or something

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

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Yesterday Tom Cruise picked up his daughter Suri for his first visitation, and he hasn’t put her down since. They went to Tom’s hotel, then left the hotel to get in a car, which took them to her gymnastics class, and today they got on a helicopter, and Cruise carried her the entire time.

She’s 6. Seems a little old to be carried everywhere. Tom should tell her to stop being such a needy little princess, just like my dad told me when I wanted to see a doctor about my broken arm.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Tom Cruise got to visit Suri today

By brendon July 17, 2012 @ 7:02 PM

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Tom Cruise was allowed to visit his daughter Suri in New York today for the first time since Katie Holmes filed for divorce, the Daily Mail says. Because, remember, he’s the bad parent. His religion takes millions of dollars from it’s members and believes in an all powerful being who came to earth a long time ago, whereas Katie Holmes is a Catholic.

try and guess if Suri got this puppy

By brendon July 16, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

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No. She didn’t. Katie Holmes took Suri to a pet store in New York, and they looked at puppies, a “morkie” and a French bulldog, but then they didn’t get one, and Suri cried. A lot. The photo agency described her as “inconsolable”.

And then an hour after that, this mysterious brochure was slid under Suri’s door titled, “Scientology. We have like a million puppies!”

(image source = splash)

Tom Cruise is threatening to sue the Enquirer

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 2:44 PM

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This weeks cover for the Enquirer claims Tom Cruise kept Katie Holmes trapped in a HOUSE OF HORRORS (yellow arrow pointing to said house, thankfully included), that “the real Tom is a monster” who locked their daughter Suri in a “tiny, windowless room” for 5 months, that Katie had a secret breakdown, and that Paula Dean lied about how she lost 30 pounds.

Surprisingly, Tom Cruise has taken offense to this (except for the Paula Dean part) and, much like he successfully did with Star, Cruises terrifying attorney Bert Fields is threatening to sue the Enquirer, potentially for hundreds of millions, if they don’t retract their story immediately.

The Hollywood Reporter says:

Fields claims the tabloid’s most recent cover story is “disgraceful and lurid” and will cause the actor “hundreds of millions of dollars of professional and personal damages, for which we intend to hold American Media, and everyone who participated in the perpetuation of this scurrilous attack, jointly and severally liable.”

The letter ends with a threat of litigation if the Enquirer does not “retract each and every one of your false allegations about Mr. Cruise with the same prominence and emphasis as you gave your original false and defamatory assertions.”

In Tom’s defense, it’s not as if he deceived Katie somehow. Everyone knew he was a Scientologist and that Scientology is a scary cult and she married him anyway. He was very upfront. Hell, my girlfriend doesn’t even know my real name, much less about my second family in Florida.

(image source of cruise, who was visited by his son connor, filming ‘oblivion’ in june lake = inf)

did Katie Holmes even try to save her marriage

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 5:56 PM

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The LA Times says that when Katie Holmes decided to divorce Tom Cruise, she used disposable cell phones provided by a friend to secretly contact lawyers, and Us weekly says she confided in Nicole Kidman while she “secretly plotted to end her marriage”, and People says her “secretive exit strategy” included moving into a new apartment in Manhattan. And then they also say this:

The still-stunned (Cruise) “was a happy man and thought he had a happy life,” says another source. “He keeps asking, ‘What’s happening?’ ”

So did she ever pause during all her backhanded scheming to talk to Cruise about the state of their marriage? It doesn’t sound like it. So either Scientology is so bad she couldn’t risk letting Cruise know their marriage was coming to an end, or she’s kind of a bitch and he’s actually the victim here. Or maybe it’s a little of both. Speculative, wishy-washy answers, exclusively on WWTDD!

(image source of katie, her mom, and suri at the new york zoo today = inf)

Scientologists think Tom Cruise has telepathic powers

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 2:13 PM

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Tom Cruise has reportedly reached such an advanced level in Scientology that he now has power over the physical universe and can bend the wills of men. And also animals. Because religion and Call of Duty work the same way; you achieve and unlock levels.

Cruise is at the very advanced “OT VII” stage. Operative Thetans (have) total ‘control’ over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.”
“At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.”

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but if Sceientolgoy can turn me into some Magneto-Charles Xavier-Aquaman hybrid, they should have advertised that and made it much more clear. Here’s my money. Point me toward the e-meters.

(image source of cruise back on the set of ‘oblivion‘ in mammoth, ca, because despite all that other stuff, tom cruise is a fucking professional who fully commits to every movie he makes = inf)