Will Smith still denies he has become a member of the Church Of Scientology, but there are new stories again today that say otherwise. Radar magazine has a new cover story saying Will and his wife Jada, along with Kimora Lee Simmons, are all new members, and set to be the celebrity face in hopes of gaining more African American members. MSNBC says…
In the piece, the magazine said, “The Church has also set its sights on African Americans, opening up a center in Harlem in 2003 and making a strong play for Hollywood supercouple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.” Despite a fervent denial from Smith’s rep—“I can tell you with 100 percent certainty this is not true”—sources close to Smith earlier told this column that the actor definitely is becoming a member of the religion. “He’s been getting more and more involved (in Scientology),” said one source. “And it isn’t just him, it’s definitely Jada, too.”
Back in January, the New York Daily News reported that Smith was distributing Scientology propaganda to the crew on his movie "Hancock", so it's pretty clear that he is a member. It's also clear the a scientology church in Harlem is a fantastic idea. People there are receptive to rich white coming in with ideas about how to change them. I like to call it, "Harlem - Where The Smiles Are Always Free".
Tom Cruise sings and dances. I had some other intro written for this but who the fuck cares. This video shows Tom Cruise singing and dancing at his scientology birthday party. Top that. Gawker - who has done an unbelievable job with this stuff - says:
Andrew Morton wrote in his best-selling biography of Tom Cruise that the Hollywood star was prominent in the hierarchy of the Church of Scientology. Of all of the author's claims, it was (that) one that most enraged the sect: "Insinuations that Mr. Cruise is second-in-command of the Church are not only false, they are ludicrous," the Scientologists maintained. "He is neither 2nd or 100th. Mr. Cruise is a Scientology parishioner and holds no official or unofficial position in the Church hierarchy. Claims to the contrary are offensive to both Mr. Cruise and the Church." But if Cruise was merely a humble parishioner, why in Xenu's name did the sect spend six figures to celebrate his birthday? In a video obtained by Gawker, watch Scientology chief David Miscavige lead the sect's most famous follower into an extravagant celebration of the Hollywood star on Scientology cruise ship, Freewinds.
This religion really knows how to bring it. Look at Tom Cruise go. The Pope just got pawned so bad. Where's your god now? Not singing and dancing on his very own cruise ship, I'll tell you that.
The story that Tom Cruise set up and auditioned prospective wives - the result of which was Katie Holmes - has been around for a few years now and been on Tyler at least twice (including here) but today it's alive again, this time because of new claims from an ex high ranking scientologist. So does this mean its true? Uhh, sure why not. Page Six says:
Marc Headley, who used to produce promotional films for the religion, spoke to Britain’s News of the World and said that following Tom's split from Penelope Cruz in 2004, the megastar told head of Scientology David Miscavige that he was having trouble meeting women. So the church sent out a casting call that said, “There’s an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition.” There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties. While a few female Scientologists were rounded up — Traffic’s Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami's Sofia Milos — they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. “They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” Marc says. “Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape…”
It's hard not to notice that this is pretty much the same thing lonely perverts do when they want to bang teen runaways forced into porn. They set up fake production offices and put out ads for "new models". And it works too. (*)
(*) don’t I know it … heh heh heh
NOTE - Im pretty sure Scarlett Johansson was already cast in MI:3, along with that Trinity chick from the Matrix, when it was still set to be written and directed by (the great) Joe Carnahan. He dropped out, JJ Abrahams stepped in, and Scarlett’s role was written out, but only after Cruise freaked her out by trying to marry her.
A web forum dedicated to distributing information about Scientology has uncovered an out-of-print German book written by Dr. Anastasius Nordenholz, originally published in 1934, called "Scientologie". Those who have read it claim it bears a stunning resemblance to works written by Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard thirty years later. A sample of the original (from here):
Nordenholz calls for a "science of knowledge" thusly, creating the term 'Scientology'. "The task of Scientology is the erection of the systems of knowledge, of understanding, of comprehension per se. Knowledge is the common material of all other sciences. It follows therefore that the science of knowledge itself is the key-science of the overall system of the sciences of the world. All other sciences of the world have the science of knowledge as their presuppositions…".
I got to the part where it said "the erection" then I just started to giggle but it does sound like the same kind of stuff L Ron wrote. Except he jazzed it all up with alien wars and spaceships. It makes it more exciting. Similarly, I took a copy of the Wall Street Journal and drew a dinosaur on it and then started my own non-fakey Hollywood religion. I call it Dinonomics.
Longtime Scientologist Nancy Cartwright — best known as the voice of Bart Simpson — gave the church of scientology $10 million last year, twice as much as even scientology superstar Tom Cruise, who gave just under 5 million. Page Six says:
It was all part of Scientology’s Global Salvage effort, which aims to “de-aberrate” Earth — meaning to rid mankind of psychology ills and other “aberrant” behavior. Here are some of the celeb gifts from 2007: Nancy Cartwright: $10 million. Kirstie Alley: $5 million. John Travolta: $1 million. Kelly Preston: $1 million. Priscilla Presley: $50,000.
"De-aberate" isn't a real word of course, but if it were it would mean the exact opposite of "lust for money", because scientology likes that a whole lot. Tom Cruise, seen above with ATM's Katherine Bell and Kelly Preston, and here with easily duped lottery tickets Jason Lee and Erika Christensen, should be ashamed of himself. 5 million? They'll never find and stop the alien lord who invented aberating at this rate.
<a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3f716ffebe" mce_href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3f716ffebe">the parody video Tom Cruise WANTS you to see!</a> on <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com" mce_href="http://www.funnyordie.com">FunnyOrDie.com</a> Jerry O’Connell is quite possibly the bravest man in Hollywood, because an actor making fun of the Scientologists is like a black guy going to a Klan meeting and asking, "where the white women at?"
