Twitter Is the Premier Choice of Your Jihadi Types

By Lex February 18, 2015 @ 10:43 AM

Congratulations to Twitter. While the social media site has been losing market share in inane tween girls who could really benefit from fresh air and burpees, they’ve been cleaning up in Islamic State supporters. About 46,000 of them reported on Twitter in the past three months, which still pales in comparison to the human carnage resulting from the millions who follow Dr. Oz. There’s a healthy crossover between followings.

ISIS is using Twitter to share their wins and feed the enthusiasm of Muslims in Europe and the U.S. to come and fight for them in any number of their lovely timeshare resort occupied cites. First, you get a rifle that plays Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Part 2 every time you kill a Jew. You get a wife who you’re free to beat if your shawarma gets cold or she denies you sex, except on her period then you get flogged and your left nuts lowered into 6M HCL for seventeen excruciating seconds. If I were a sexually frustrated Muslim not digging community college and living at home, I’d probably fire up the Retweets and check out Southwest to see how many plane changes I need to get to Kobani. Hint, you’re stopping in Kansas City, there’s no way around it.

Twitter Exec Can’t Figure Out Twitter

By Matt November 26, 2014 @ 6:07 AM

Twitter CFO Anthony Noto tried to send a direct message to someone on Twitter but accidentally posted it publicly. This comes as a relief to anyone who has tried using Twitter, foundered incompetently, and ended up posting defamatory remarks about The Kids These Days on Facebook or just the bulletin board at work. While it wasn’t of the “I like it when you wear that fireman outfit and play with my balls” variety of classified info it could conceivably be damning as it appears to be some three piece suit cigar wielding dick swinging back room business strategizing for an upcoming meeting:

“I still think we should buy them. He is on your schedule for Dec 15 or 16 — we will need to sell him. i have a plan.”

If you have a meeting with Twitter for this date on your Rolodex you just gained considerable leverage. Worst case scenario Twitter is out a million or so bucks and can’t remodel the billiards room. Asteroids orbit close to earth constantly. This one hit and left a divot on the lawn. A racially charged comment about Obama or disparaging remark on the size of Mark Zuckerberg’s dick would have been kicked off a real shit storm. Keep your head up Noto. There’s plenty of people out there way dumber than you accidentally posting photos of their engorged genitals to their mother’s timeline.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

US Airways Took Social Media To New Heights

By Travis April 15, 2014 @ 9:00 AM

One of the fun things about being a person who doesn’t spend every waking moment on Twitter is that if someone important tweets something incredibly fucking stupid, which is usually at least once a day, and they delete it almost immediately, there’s still a chance that someone caught it and copied it. Yesterday, someone at US Airways proved this in a whole new way, when the airline tweeted an incredibly raunchy photo of a woman with a model airplane sticking out of her pussy not once, but twice in response to customers complaining about shitty flights and service. A lot of people were really offended and upset by the tweet in question, and US Airways issued an almost immediate apology, but I not only found a new preferred airline yesterday… I found a new love.

Photo Credit: US Airways

Hackers Outed Justin Bieber On E!’s Twitter

By Travis May 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

The Syrian Electronic Army became a household name two weeks ago, when so-called hackers logged into the Associated Press’ Twitter account and Tweeted that there had been an explosion at the White House and President Obama had been injured. The result was a 100-point dip in the DOW Jones Industrial Average in a matter of seconds, as people everywhere freaked out and prayed that Gerard Butler was coming to the rescue.

So how do you follow up a debut like that? By hacking E! Online’s Twitter feed apparently. That’s what the SEA did on Saturday, when they Tweeted that singer Justin Bieber had outted himself as “a gay” while also Tweeting that Angelina Jolie admitted that Jordan was responsible for the atrocities committed against Syrian refugees.

But since Bieber’s fans don’t know what any of those words mean, the hackers had to resort to calling someone gay. Although, a more impressive feat would have been hacking a Bieber fan’s Twitter account and spelling words correctly.

(Photo Credit:

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lets all pretend X-Men 3 never happened

By brendon November 27, 2012 @ 5:49 PM


Brett Ratner is such a shitty director that when he was done with ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’, the franchise had to literally go back in time before it existed and start over. Which is how we got ‘X-Men: First Class’ from the terrific Matthew Vaughn.

Now the sequel to that is back with Bryan Singer (who directed the first two), and he was twitter this afternoon to announce that Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart will be back playing Charles Xavier and Magneto, though presumably not in large roles since this movie closely follows ‘First Class’.

Even more surprising; there were apparently 117 other Ian McKellens on twitter.

Chris Brown fans seem stable

By brendon November 26, 2012 @ 5:43 PM


Chris Brown was doing the same stupid shit he always does on twitter last night (post “sexy” pictures of himself like it was some kind of gay classified), when he found himself in a war or words with beloved twitterer Jenny Johnson.

As you can see, things did not go well for Brown, on account of him being a dimwitted retard.

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