12.12.2011 weekend box office was the second lowest all year

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A cast including Sarah Jessica Parker, Ashton Kutcher, Jon Bon Jovi, Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel, Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Lea Michele, and Michelle Pfeiffer wasn’t enough to get anyone to go see ‘New Years Eve’, which was number 1 at the box office despite grossing just $13.7 Million. It’s the 66th lowest debut of 2011, even lower than ‘Something Borrowed’ and ‘Jumping the Broom’, which I don’t think are even real movies.

It did much worse than ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ ($27.8M) and ‘Valentines Day’ ($56.3M), and doesn’t bode well for ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’, which all share the same theme of being romantic comedies with a big-name ensemble cast embarrassing themselves in idiotic vignettes for money. How Zac Efron wasn’t a vampire in this thing defies belief.

(source = box office mojo)


11.08.2011 Brett Ratner lied about “banging” Olivia Munn

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Brett Ratner had a perfectly terrible weekend, and that’s awesome because he’s a shitty director and an asshole and no one deserves success less than he does. Here’s a recap:

FRIDAY: Ratner explained that the reason his movies look like no one bothered to rehearse is because no one bothered to rehearse. Then he added the word “fags”.

“After a screening of his new movie ‘Tower Heist’ at L.A.’s Arclight Cinemas, the director came out for a Q&A, and when asked by the moderator whether he prepares and rehearses with his actors before shooting a scene, Ratner waved his hand dismissively and said, “Rehearsal is for fags.”

To be honest this seems dumb because he obviously wasn’t insulting gay people and he meant “fag” more like the way South Park explained it, but since gay groups are naturally inclined to throw hissyfits, that’s what they did, forcing him to apologize to save his gig producing this years Oscar telecast.

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY: ‘Tower Heist’ sort of tanked at the box office, finishing the weekend in second place with just $24 million, about 11 million less than it was expected to make. On the bright side that’s still 24 million more than a lazy copy of ‘Oceans 11′ except instead of Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones they have Eddie Murphy flirting with a 1400 pound moonfaced lump should have made.

MONDAY: Ratner admitted he was lying last week when he went on G4 and said he had sex with Olivia Munn. To be specific, what he said was…

“She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her.”

Needless to say she didn’t really appreciate that. No girl would. Trust me, I haven’t been a virgin for months now, I know what a lady looks for in a lover.


10.10.2011 ‘Real Steel’ won the weekend box office

‘Real Steel’ was the number 1 movie at the box office this weekend, grossing a fairly weak $27.3 million. ‘Ides of March’ was second with $10.4 million, ‘Dolphin Tale’ was third with $9.1M, ‘Moneyball’ fourth with $7.5M, and ‘50/50’ was fifth with $5.5 million. I didn’t see any of those by the way so don’t tell me how ‘Real Steel’ ends. I bet it’s surprising!

(deadline)

06.13.2011 Monday headlines, with pregnant bride Lily Allen

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KIM KARDASHIAN - was accused of cheating on her fiance after an NFL player named Brett Lockett told InTouch they’d been having a “physical relationship” for 5 months, but now he admits he’s never actually met her face to face. His dick must be huge. (e!)

SUPER 8 - was number 1 at the box office with $37M, because movie theaters don’t give refunds. (ew)

BOOK OF MORMON - is the musical written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker of ‘South Park’ (amazon has the cast recording on sale for $1.99), and last night it won 9 of the 14 Tony awards it was nominated for, including Best Musical and Best Director for Parker. The other “director” nominees told the actors to face the back wall and just wing it. It was foolish direction in hindsight. (people)

LILY ALLEN - got married this weekend, then announced that she’s 4 months pregnant, then took wedding pictures in a graveyard, yet still got upstaged by her older sister Sarah Owen, who wore this slutty dress. At least according to me. I love sluts! (sun, splash, wenn)


05.23.2011 Monday headlines, with Michelle Hunziker in a bikini

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TREE OF LIFE - won the equivalent of Best Picture at the Cannes Fim Festival this weekend, but experts don’t think that will help much at the box office. But how can that be? Everyone loves the French. If those socialist pussies liked the movie, it should do great here in America. (la times)

KIRSTEN DUNST - was the winner of the Best Actress award at Cannes for her work in ‘Melancholia’. As you now know, Cannes selects winners by randomly choosing a name out of a hat. (ew)

GWYENETH PALTROW - was supposed to be all set to sign a record deal with Atlantic six weeks ago, but talks have stalled, perhaps because she wanted too much money upfront ($1M). Wait, Paltrow is being an unreasonable pain in the ass? Well this is the fist I’ve heard of anything like that. (ny post)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4 - made $90M in its opening weekend, which means there will no doubt be a number 5. If it stars Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz again, they should call it ‘Voyage of the Mumblers’. (mojo)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER - is a Swiss model, and this weekend she was on the beach in Italy. That’s her in the purple bikini, in case you weren’t putting the pieces together yet. (splash news)


05.09.2011 Monday headlines, with X Factor and secret Avenger endings

PAULA ABDUL - has officially signed on to reunite with Simon Cowell and be the fourth judge on ‘the X Factor’, because what the hell else is she gonna do. (thr)

THORS END CREDITS - had the fourth clip building up to next summers ‘the Avengers’, (the first 3 from ‘Iron Man’, ‘Iron Man 2′ and ‘the Incredible Hulk’ are above and here) but what does it mean? For one it means I was trapped in the center of the row for the entire credits because the nerds on either side of me wouldn’t move. (ew)

L.A. REID - has reportedly been meaner than Simon Cowell during the early judging on ‘the X Factor’. I’m sure they’ll fix that in post though so all the singers on the show are good and no one get’s made fun of. Fox certainly doesn’t want a show like that. (thr)

THOR - won the weekend box office with a 66 million dollar debut ($242M worldwide), beating ‘Fast Five’ ($32.5M) and the debuts for ‘Jumping the Broom’ ($13.7M) and ‘Something Borrowed’ ($13.1M), which were set up to be an alternative so girls could emasculate their boyfriend. (deadline)

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