Clare Bowen Got a Haircut

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 1:37 PM


Everybody but a few private medical institutions hates cancer and that biggest bastard of them all, kid cancer. It’s a reminder of how fucking cruel life can be to people not old enough to be deserving of any bad shit yet. Nashville actress Clare Bowen cut of her flowing mane of blonde hair down to the Ellen to support kids with cancer who lose all their hair and think they’re no longer beautiful. It’s the kind of dramatic move you make when you’re on a successful TV show and they can’t fire you for fucking up the look of your character, a country singer with tons of long blonde hair. You pull that move during casting and you’re back on ramen noodles and working escort gigs for old men to pay for the next three years of acting classes.

Typically actors transform their real selves to fit their characters, not the other way around. TV producers must be shitting bricks in Burbank wondering when the next trained line reader is going to pull a similar stunt for their personal cause. The Flash wants visible AIDS lesions, Taylor Kinney now fights Chicago fires in drag, Phil Coulson will no longer utilize SHIELD technology that creates e-waste. A zoo without cages is just a jungle. Rattle them keys. You never let actors make decisions.

Photo credit: Getty Images/Facebook

Jared Fogle Maxed

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 12:35 PM


Federal prosecutors recommended Jared Fogle get the 12 years maximum sentence in the plea deal with a 12 year maximum sentence struck for no apparent reason. Prosecutors claimed they confiscated 5.6 terabytes of child porn between Fogle and his Foundation president and chief filmmaker buddy, Russell Taylor. For reference sake, 5.6 terabytes of child porn is approximately 5.6 terabytes more than you want in your home when the Feds come in with a search warrant.

Taylor doped up the little kids from the Fogle Foundation and produced the deviant shorts, while Fogle funded the operation and kept quiet provided he got to watch all the movies and keep his own little Rotten Tomatoes reviews. I got a $179 ticket for driving six mph over the speed limit in Ohio. C’mon, Columbus, you can’t fry a dude for abetting the rape of tons of kids? Start reading off the thousands of text messages Fogle and Taylor logged between them while consuming their videos and watch the jury call for the guillotine. Hold up those old giant pair of pants one last time, Fogle. This is going to hurt more without so much fat around your neck.

Photo: Getty Images

Shia LeBeouf Raises the Douche Bar And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Douchelord Shia LaBeouf has finally gone too far. He’s asked people to come watch him watch ALL of his films. If you can’t make it to New York, you can watch him watching through a web cam. He deserves the mother of all wedgies. One that would split him in half.

See this ass clown wince at his own shitty performances. (TMZ)

Nina Agdal wearing just an arm bra? Delightful. (Last Men On Earth)

Gia Ramey Gay wears a bikini…and then takes it off. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Amber Heard brought her jacket but forgot her bra. (Drunken Stepfather)

Fucking Kendall Jenner is almost worth the herpes. Almost. (Hollywood Tuna)

Lazy hot girls lounging in bed scantily clad. (The Chive)

Chrissy Teigen’s milk jugs are outstanding. (Popoholic)

Somebody in Hollywood Has The AIDS!

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 11:25 AM

The Sun UK newspaper published a steady piece of journalism announcing an A-list actor in Hollywood who sleeps around a lot is HIV positive. They posted a picture of the HIV virus under a microscope in case you want to know what to look for. The AIDS donor is unnamed, the source for the story is unnamed, but celebrity women in Hollywood who banged this guy are apparently panicked over their transmission test results.

The superstar, who The Sun is choosing not to name, has had a host of high-profile sexual partners. His lawyers are believed to be aware of the situation and preparing for a raft of potential legal claims from previous lovers.

Choosing not to out the actor seems prudent. As opposed to cheaply posting an anonymous HIV scare story that has every chick in town tossing out their boxed tampons. Wait, is that where The AIDS comes from for women?

The doubly anonymous report item contends that the A-list star’s name would shock people since he’s straight. Well, HIV infected straight, so gay. Tomorrow The Sun will run with a story that an unnamed Hollywood actor gets off on hot high school girls while another secretly supports Mike Huckabee but is scared to death of the ramifications. Might be the same guy. Blind items are awesome. An actor in Hollywood has The AIDS. You think?

Photo credit: The Sun UK

Kelly Brook Headlines Ping Pong

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 10:19 AM

Kelly Brook Cleavy In Tight Dress For Ping Pong Restaurant Launch
Even women with big racks have to pay rent. It’s the great equalizer. Not every Ellen lesbian lifestyle normalization sitcom sticks. That’s how you find yourself in a low cut tight dress at a Chinese food restaurant opening. That or that cheap bastard Tiger Woods offered to feed you after sex. Smile for the cameras. You’re two chunks of General Tso’s away from busting out of that dress.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Christie Brinkley Isn’t Aging, She’s Geologically Forming

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 8:11 AM

Christie Brinkley Signs Copies Of Her Book Timeless Beauty  In NYC
I don’t know how fucking old Christie Brinkley is. But I’d ask her to keep her Methuselah hands hidden while you’re banging her in bed. Does your pelvic bone normally crack like that? I’m stopping. My safe word is ew. Brinkley has been out promoting her book which shares with other women the timeless beauty secret of being born with good genes and having gobs of money for the better plastic surgery. Short of that, consider a big scarf and going into the business of helping better looking women like Brinkley continue to look great. Less chiefs, more indians. It’s all in the book next to the photos of your grandma’s bridge partner half-naked.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Waitresses Have a Lot to Say

By Lex November 11, 2015 @ 1:00 PM


There’s a new phenomenon where restaurant servers and patrons are passively aggressively communicating with each other via their bills. Mostly it’s lack of tips and complaints. It’s always women. Men go to restaurants just to eat apparently.

Waitress Jessica Morris is feeling pretty good about herself today because she got tons of Facebook likes on an open letter she wrote to one of her customers. The chick stiffed her on a tip with a note about how Jessica shouldn’t have flirted so hard with her brand new husband and she should go find her own. On the list of passive aggressive forms of communication, the open letter barely edges out the cowardly note left on a restaurant tab.

I would like you to know, the server that was in the section across from mine, that I kept talking to and checking on throughout the time of you sitting at my table IS MY HUSBAND. Which I found on my own, and looks better than yours. Also, I would like you to know that I’m sorry MY HUSBAND treated me to a cruise for my honeymoon and not a restaurant. As well as, MY HUSBAND would never let me feel so insecure that I would feel the need to write such a terrible note to a server and make them feel the way you have.

I’m not sure why she kept putting MY HUSBAND in all caps, but I’m guessing that’s a standard when he’s super good looking and pops for cruises. Photo above. You judge for yourself.

It seems pretty clear from all these related stories that waitresses are the only people in the service industry who routinely run into rude or unhappy customers. Or it’s possible that the dude who works at Jiffy Lube isn’t writing open letters on Facebook to the asshole who yelled at him for not properly vacuuming out his back seats. I’m sorry waitressing Carrow’s turned out to be less glamorous than in the brochure. Hookers gets The AIDS for their troubles and they don’t pen social media essays complaining about their infectious customers. Mother Theresa slept in a puddle of shit. You’re a waitress. Find some perspective or spit in your customer’s food like your less outspoken fellow servers.

Photo credit: Jessica Morris

Bieber Might Be Porking Canseco’s Daughter And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 11, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber has been seen around town with Jose Canseco’s model daughter Josie. Jose should consider a roid rage and beating the crap out of Bieber. Jury nullification seems more than likely.

They make such a cute couple. (TMZ)

Hannah Ferguson bikinis like a champ. (Last Men On Earth)

Richelle Oslinker shows off her tasty tits. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Kasia Struss and Maaike Klaasen unleash their titties. (Drunken Stepfather)

Let’s all look at these pictures of sexy asses. (The Chive)

Christie Brinkley has still got it in tight leather. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jennifer Lawrence has some mighty cleav and no bra. (Popoholic)