Jennifer Lawrence Wants To Have Sex With Timotheé Chalamet

February 21, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

My co-workers and I just had a rousing conversation hypothesizing what could be going on in Jennifer Lawrence’s head right now, because she’s obviously on the cusp of a mental breakdown, and we settled on either tail-end-of-America’s-sweetheart-status syndrome or Adderall. Or of course both. The twenty-seven-year-old is hitching herself to the Timotheé Chalamet bandwagon by describing […]


Mariah Carey May Have Sucked One In The Name Of Satan

February 11, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Mariah Carey growing up in a satanic sex cult would explain so much of her eccentric diva behavior as an adult. Only someone who used their snatch to please Satan could hate Christmas so much. Allegations are flooding in that she observed ceremonies involving the sacrifice of animals and sex rituals. Her sister is the […]


Kate Upton Reveals Reason For #MeThree! Allegations

February 9, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Kate Upton rocked half-empty Ohio malls everywhere when she came out with explosive sexual harassment allegations against Guess co-founder and current creative director Paul Marciano. The mastermind behind the official brand for Toledo sex parties hosted by overweight 30-something dental receptionists denied any wrongdoing or abuse of power while directing Upton in her five Guess […]


Adrianne Palicki Boobs Might Save G.I. Joe Retaliation

March 30, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Rumor has it, this G.I. Joe movie has been sitting in a can for many years now. The release date has seen more bumps than Paris Hilton during a work play vacay in Medellin (that was a fucking reach). It’s been delayed at least a year, if not two, which is typically not a good […]


Gerard Butler Wants to Have Sex With Ashley Judd

March 21, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Gerard Butler wants to have sex with every woman. He’s had sex with every woman. But at the premiere of his movie Olympus Has Fallen last night, he checked Ashley Judd up and down like he was plotting his specific penile point of entry. You and I couldn’t get away with this sexual visual scrubdown […]


Coco’s Boobs Won’t Kill You

March 20, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Ice-T won’t cap your ass anymore for looking at his woman. He now mostly just charges your two-bucks and asks you to tell five friends about the deal. You might call this sad, I call it convenient. Now you can check out Coco’s big tubes from her Vegas birthday party without fear of it being […]


Sofia Vergara Was Always Sexy (VIDEO)

March 15, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

I always read these stories about how older married couples rediscover long since forgotten romantic photos of themselves and it reminds them of their young love. Just kidding. I don’t read. I saw that in a Cialis ad during a hockey game. But this seems like the kind of shit old married couples do when […]