Madonna’s Brand New Butt

January 7, 2019 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Guess who just bought new glutes off the black market? Black-acceptance seeking Madonna’s newly remodeled backyard is enough to make Sir Mix-a-Lot finally tell his first fib. I’m not sure what her options were when checking out available asses... READ MORE

Keira Knightley Wanted To Be A Man When She Grew Up

January 2, 2019 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Being a guy is not as easy as it looks. Sure, I don’t have to use my core strength hovering over public toilets to pee like some kind Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ninja. But that doesn’t mean everything is... READ MORE

Megan Fox Won’t Snitch On Her MeToo Assailants

December 12, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Snitches get stitches, found in ditches, or end up like Whitey Bulger when the prison karma fairy pays a visit. Rats have been known to ruin a good thing. And the trading of sexual favors for cinematic favors was... READ MORE

Sarah Hyland Had Another Kidney Transplant

December 11, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  Being a starlet in 2018 without having had a kidney transplant is like being a starlet a decade ago without having been hospitalized for celebrity exhaustion. Anyone who’s anyone these days blames blown out drug kidneys (ALLEGEDLY, don’t sue, none... READ MORE

Sarah Hyland Pretends To Know A Famous Person In Bikini Video

November 30, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  We can make fun of pretty much any celebrity on here unchecked, but God forbid tweaking anorexic taco Sarah Hyland comes into the mix. Suddenly this is Hello Giggles and we can’t call a spade a spade. So... READ MORE

Adam Levine Livid About Maroon 5’s Fall From Grace

November 29, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Maroon 5 is past their salad days and Adam Levine is looking for someone to blame. The band’s most recent music has a feature from Cardi B. Cardi B! And Adam actually has the audacity to wonder where the... READ MORE

Kim Kardashian Admits To Being High On Ecstasy In Sex Tape

November 26, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  As the executive producers of Keeping Up With The Prostitutes, the Jenndashian brothel mates have a huge amount of control over what content from their lives actually spills out onto our TVs. Keep this in mind when ingesting... READ MORE

Blac Chyna Selling Skin Whitening Creams

November 26, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Blac Chyna looks like Sammy Sosa with syphilis, so naturally, any time her name is brought up people tend to find it upsetting. This time it’s for selling skin whitening cream. As if the blonde wig wasn’t bad enough,... READ MORE

Would You Hit It: Duh Edition – Salma Hayek

August 9, 2018 | bikini | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

#nofilter #noretouching A post shared by Salma Hayek Pinault (@salmahayek) on Aug 8, 2018 at 10:34am PDT   At fifty-one-years-old, Salma Hayek’s gigantic boobs have been turning boys into masturbating men for decades, and even if they weren’t a... READ MORE

Now You: What’s Your Ideal Charlie’s Angels Reboot Cast?

August 4, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

As most of you know by now, parking lot tampon Kristen Stewart has signed on to play one of Charlie’s Angels in the upcoming woke progressive reboot series helmed by Elizabeth Banks (she also plays Bosley, who was previously... READ MORE