J-Woww of Jersey Shore and nothing else ever fame announced on Twitter that she’s having a baby with some guy she previously announced on Twitter was her fiance. Someday we’ll do a historic look back at all the celebrity bastard baby announcements on Twitter and correlate them heavily to the current inpatient population at Promises rehab center in Malibu. Among all the Twitter fans who congratulated JWoww and told her she deserved all the happiness in the world despite no obvious support for that position was her good friend Snooki. In the manner of Jersey Shore custom, JWoww first told Snooki how her bastard baby was perfect and then Snooki told JWoww:
So will urs. Sleep safe, keep hydrated, no Advil or Aleve. No pushing on the toilet either
You’d be surprised how many offspring among their clan are mistaken for hungover morning dumps and absent-mindedly flushed down the drain. In contrast to the kids they intentionally flush down the drain when the baby daddy doesn’t have decent prospects. Watching JWoww and Snooki exchange maternity advice is like reading Your Baby’s First Year books written by two girls who found themselves pregnant by the same deviant orderly at an all women’s asylum. They both deserve so much happiness. Like the whores who give out discounted handies to returning service men. God help this planet.
The Jersey Shore community of Pelican Island doesn’t want J-Woww and Snooki shooting their reality spin-off series in their town. The residents are none too pleased with the prospect of these two greasy spoons disrupting their little burgh still recovering from Hurricane Sandy. City Councilman James Byrnes said that it’d be okay for Snooki to come visit, but not with her family and big-ass TV production team causing a ruckus. I’d actually allow the reverse, but this guy’s a politician, so he had to say the correct thing like that.
“Insult my son & fiancé, and I will go mama bear on your ass…If my “actions” like playing with my son is bringing the wrong “crowd” obviously we are on too different pages here.
Playing the mama card is a major gambit for Snooki. It’s really all she’s got. It’s certainly all that’s keeping the “fiancé” around. It’s like bringing the Gatling gun out at the start of a Western battle. You’ve got nowhere to go next.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWoWW” Farley were among the guests of honor at Self Magazine’s Rock the Summer party at Kiss and Fly in New York City, and it’s just remarkable how different these two look from their days as the stars of MTV’s The Jersey Shore. It feels like only yesterday that Snooki looked like a bowling pin that had been left in a microwave for three hours, while JWoWW didn’t actually look like she’d been attacked by Jack Nicholson’s Joker.
But Snooki has reportedly lost 50-lbs. since giving birth to her son almost a year ago, and that is just incredibly impressive. Mainly because her kind eats the offspring within the first month.
Now that Snooki has become a huge success at being a human bobblehead doll, her castmate from Jersey Shore Jenni Farley, AKA JWOWW, has also figured out what it is she wants to be when she grows up. Because it takes practically no talent at all, JWOWW has fit right in as one of the new young cast members on the soap opera One Life to Live, which has been downgraded from actual TV series to something lonely women watch on Hulu.
She talked about why (money) she took this interesting next step (money) in her career (money) at the show’s New York City premiere earlier this week.
“My manager suggested I should give it a try since I want to get into acting,” JWOWW said of her guest role on the show.
“I grew up watching most of them with my grandmother. It became our thing… Snuggling up on the couch after school with my grandma catching up on soaps.” (Radar)
She also defended MTV’s Teen Mom show, claiming that teenage pregnancies dropped in the U.S. after that show debuted. But that’s probably just because the meth kills them first.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has started shooting the reality show absolutely no one wants to see. You’ll recall that the Sitch, (ugh), is the 47-year-old troglodyte from The Jersey Shore that was always showing people his tummy. Human herp sores Jwoww and Snooki have their own show, so why not The Situation? Because he’s an uninteresting D-Bag. There is nothing entertaining about this guy. At least with Snooki and Jwoww you can laugh at them like people used to do with freaks and deformed prostitutes. But The Situation is just…boring.
Go to any bar in Staten Island, The Bronx, New Jersey, or Long Island and there will be 58 Situations. Pathetic aging Guidos making up for receding hair lines and loss of penile vitality by ‘roiding up and becoming sexual predators. I’d say MTV will have the good sense to cancel this program early in its run, but knowing the former music video network, they’ll probably just wait for him to get arrested or die and move on to the next one.
JWoww and Snooki were in Cancun this weekend, doing whatever the hell it is they do for MTV these days, and although J strutted around in a bikini (closeup picture of her mound and cellulite as she struggles up some sand, thankfully included) Snooki stayed covered up for the most part so you couldn’t see how pregnant she is. Oh, I know. I was inconsolable about it too. She really knows how to keep the public wanting more.