JWoww Jumps The Shame Train

JWoww, also known as patient zero, recently had a baby and was photographed by some paparazzi looking like a baby just came out of her moments earlier. Some tabloids made snarky jabs at her for being a not toned grease monkey with puke in her hair or something, just spitballing. JWoww hit back by posting the same photos to Instagram along with an inspirational ode to herself: "At the end of the day I am not perfect...read more

Snooki Got Married

While you weren't caring, Snooki ornately married the first dude who didn't ask to finish on her tits. He's a good solid something or other who accepts the fact Snooki looks radically altered from when they first met. I can see dramatic plastic surgery having a positive effect on a relationship. Whether you're married to a great looking woman or a reality TV box troll that reeks of agar, at some point you want to wake...read more

Country Troll Is Getting Married, City Troll Comes to Visit

Snooki already has some number of babies by some dude I thought she was already married to. I guess that never happened. With a new reality show for the mummified and brain dead, the production team has the nuptials keyed in for the season. Bachelorette parties for sliced-up former cast members of Jersey Shore always score well in the ratings. Especially when one of the cast ends up in tears and dislodges a reasonable...read more

JWoww Is Bravely Plain

JWoww was apparently unhappy about speculationthat she had plastic surgery on her face and fought back by posting a plain faced photo, so her regular face, minus eight pounds of Lancome and melted Jolly Ranchers. JWoww proceeded to talk shit about how humble and unattractive she is, which are two things its hard to talk shit about with a straight face: Very flattered radar online that u think I had all that work done...read more

JWoww Wants None Sex

You don't get ahead in life without taking risks. Like JWoww declaring she won't be having sex for at least a year with her boyfriend she forgot to marry before she just had his baby. If it's not your physical resemblance to a well-worn inflatable sex puppet, the lack of sex and a crying baby ought to seal the deal. I guarantee you 'Roger' already has a Tinder profile under a different fake name than the one he gave...read more

Pregnancy Looks Delicious on JWoww

I'm usually skeptical when people I've never heard of start making babies with people I don't care about, but JWoww certainly seems to be bucking the trend. I admire a woman who takes a big risk of ruining the only thing we ever slightly cared about her so she can have a baby out of wedlock of her own to love. TMZ wasn't so kind to JWoww, posting these photos of JWoww looking like a 50-something bloated Shanghai madam...read more

What Is The Exact Opposite Of A MILF?

MTV held its big Upfront event last night in New York City to announce that the network is still in the business of making of the worst and most morally reckless shows on television, which is why Snooki and JWoww seemed so proud to help announce that their show has been renewed for a fourth season. This is pretty big news for the best friends and stars of the Jersey Shore series, because they're both pregnant right...read more

JWoww Announces Her Pregnancy By Tweeting Picture of Her Brain

J-Woww of Jersey Shore and nothing else ever fame announced on Twitter that she's having a baby with some guy she previously announced on Twitter was her fiance. Someday we'll do a historic look back at all the celebrity bastard baby announcements on Twitter and correlate them heavily to the current inpatient population at Promises rehab center in Malibu. Among all the Twitter fans who congratulated JWoww and told her...read more

Snooki & J-Woww Lash Out At Jersey Shore Community On Twitter

The Jersey Shore community of Pelican Island doesn't want J-Woww and Snooki shooting their reality spin-off series in their town. The residents are none too pleased with the prospect of these two greasy spoons disrupting their little burgh still recovering from Hurricane Sandy. City Councilman James Byrnes said that it'd be okay for Snooki to come visit, but not with her family and big-ass TV production team causing a...read more

Snooki Has Almost Finished Imploding

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "JWoWW" Farley were among the guests of honor at Self Magazine's Rock the Summer party at Kiss and Fly in New York City, and it's just remarkable how different these two look from their days as the stars of MTV's The Jersey Shore. It feels like only yesterday that Snooki looked like a bowling pin that had been left in a microwave for three hours, while JWoWW didn't actually look like...read more

JWOWW Is An 'Actress' Now, But It's Not Porn

Now that Snooki has become a huge success at being a human bobblehead doll, her castmate from Jersey Shore Jenni Farley, AKA JWOWW, has also figured out what it is she wants to be when she grows up. Because it takes practically no talent at all, JWOWW has fit right in as one of the new young cast members on the soap opera One Life to Live, which has been downgraded from actual TV series to something lonely women watch...read more

The Situation Gets Reality Show Literally No One Asked For

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has started shooting the reality show absolutely no one wants to see. You'll recall that the Sitch, (ugh), is the 47-year-old troglodyte from The Jersey Shore that was always showing people his tummy. Human herp sores Jwoww and Snooki have their own show, so why not The Situation? Because he's an uninteresting D-Bag. There is nothing entertaining about this guy. At least with Snooki and...read more

JWoww and Snooki are now in bikinis

JWoww and Snooki were in Cancun this weekend, doing whatever the hell it is they do for MTV these days, and although J strutted around in a bikini (closeup picture of her mound and cellulite as she struggles up some sand, thankfully included) Snooki stayed covered up for the most part so you couldn't see how pregnant she is. Oh, I know. I was inconsolable about it too. She really knows how to keep the public wanting...read more

JWoww is a bikini genius

Someone let JWoww design her own line of swimwear, and, as literally everyone who has ever heard of JWoww would have guessed, the result was animal prints on a bikini even sluttier than regular bikinis. Her line uses a unique fabrication that lets women remove their bikini straps without the rest of the top falling off, thanks to a revolutionary silicon-based adhesive activated by body temperature. There can't be that...read more

"I want to smell like JWoww smells."

JWoww went to New York yesterday for the launch of her exclusive fragrance line at K-Mart, which is exactly the kind of place I assumed would have an exclusive fragrance line from JWoww. It's surprising more of the 'Jersey Shore' cast doesn't have perfumes and colognes, because you can't watch that show for 5 minutes without thinking, "I bet those people smell terrific." (image source = splash)read more