JWoww Jumps The Shame Train

May 22, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

JWoww, also known as patient zero, recently had a baby and was photographed by some paparazzi looking like a baby just came out of her moments earlier. Some tabloids made snarky jabs at her for being a not toned grease monkey with puke in her hair or something, just spitballing. JWoww hit back by posting […]


Snooki Got Married

December 2, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

While you weren’t caring, Snooki ornately married the first dude who didn’t ask to finish on her tits. He’s a good solid something or other who accepts the fact Snooki looks radically altered from when they first met. I can see dramatic plastic surgery having a positive effect on a relationship. Whether you’re married to […]


Country Troll Is Getting Married, City Troll Comes to Visit

November 11, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Snooki already has some number of babies by some dude I thought she was already married to. I guess that never happened. With a new reality show for the mummified and brain dead, the production team has the nuptials keyed in for the season. Bachelorette parties for sliced-up former cast members of Jersey Shore always […]


JWoww Is Bravely Plain

August 25, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

JWoww was apparently unhappy about speculation that she had plastic surgery on her face and fought back by posting a plain faced photo, so her regular face, minus eight pounds of Lancome and melted Jolly Ranchers. JWoww proceeded to talk shit about how humble and unattractive she is, which are two things its hard to talk […]


JWoww Wants None Sex

August 20, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You don’t get ahead in life without taking risks. Like JWoww declaring she won’t be having sex for at least a year with her boyfriend she forgot to marry before she just had his baby. If it’s not your physical resemblance to a well-worn inflatable sex puppet, the lack of sex and a crying baby […]


Pregnancy Looks Delicious on JWoww

May 30, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m usually skeptical when people I’ve never heard of start making babies with people I don’t care about, but JWoww certainly seems to be bucking the trend. I admire a woman who takes a big risk of ruining the only thing we ever slightly cared about her so she can have a baby out of […]


What Is The Exact Opposite Of A MILF?

April 25, 2014 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

MTV held its big Upfront event last night in New York City to announce that the network is still in the business of making of the worst and most morally reckless shows on television, which is why Snooki and JWoww seemed so proud to help announce that their show has been renewed for a fourth […]


JWoww Announces Her Pregnancy By Tweeting Picture of Her Brain

December 27, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

J-Woww of Jersey Shore and nothing else ever fame announced on Twitter that she’s having a baby with some guy she previously announced on Twitter was her fiance. Someday we’ll do a historic look back at all the celebrity bastard baby announcements on Twitter and correlate them heavily to the current inpatient population at Promises […]


Snooki & J-Woww Lash Out At Jersey Shore Community On Twitter

July 25, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

The Jersey Shore community of Pelican Island doesn’t want J-Woww and Snooki shooting their reality spin-off series in their town. The residents are none too pleased with the prospect of these two greasy spoons disrupting their little burgh still recovering from Hurricane Sandy. City Councilman James Byrnes said that it’d be okay for Snooki to […]


Snooki Has Almost Finished Imploding

July 17, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWoWW” Farley were among the guests of honor at Self Magazine’s Rock the Summer party at Kiss and Fly in New York City, and it’s just remarkable how different these two look from their days as the stars of MTV’s The Jersey Shore. It feels like only yesterday that Snooki […]