Russell Crowe Wants His Fucking Hoverboard

By Lex December 29, 2015 @ 10:06 AM

Russell-Crowe-at-Airport

Russell Crowe took to Twitter to complain that Virgin Atlantic wouldn’t let him check his kids’ hoverboards on his family vacation flight.  Well, not him, but the Maori slave boys who handle his luggage:

Ridiculous @VirginAustralia. No Segway boards as luggage? Too late to tell us at airport.Kids and I offloaded. Goodbye Virgin. Never again.

Truly ridiculous. Offload! Offload!

Airlines have banned those idiotic Segway boards because they contain large-ass lithium batteries which can explode at altitude which apparently isn’t good for airplanes. Crowe complained that the airline should’ve warned him before he got to the Virgin airport lounge to get loaded on fructose and Tasmanian cocaine juice. The airline politely mentioned they had issued numerous email warnings, travel advisories, banned items lists, and social media posts telling everybody not to bring your fucking hoverboard to the airport.

Russell Crowe imparted a valuable lesson to his children. If you don’t get what you want, Twitter rant and walk away. What we do in life echoes in eternity, eh, Maximus?  Man-bitch is no way to go through life.

Michael Jackson Prank Called Russell Crowe

By Matt April 01, 2015 @ 7:34 AM

Crowe

Russell Crowe firmly believes the King of Pop prank called him repeatedly over a period of several years although it’s unclear how he verified this. Clearly it is more flattering to believe the most famous music artist ever is calling you and not the bellhop who you stiffed and thinks you’re a tool bag:

“For two or three fucking years, I never met him, shook his hand, but he found out the name I stayed in hotels under, so it didn’t matter where I was, he’d ring up, do this kind of thing, like you did when you were 10, you know… [He’d say,] ‘Is Mr. Wall there? Is Mrs. Wall there? Are there any Walls there? Then what’s holding the roof up? Ha ha.”

Many questions arise. Could you not change your fake name? How did he know which hotel you were at? Most pertinently, are you lying about this? This could be a grandiose hallucination on par with the sun is following me or Lean Dunham is witty or whatever caused Russell Crowe to freak out in hotel rooms and start throwing shit. I’m guessing it wasn’t Pop in a Can jokes. Crack in a Pipe seems more likely. When Crowe alerts us to to his next Michael Jackson prank phone call this will all be settled.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Goodbye, Fat Kiwi Friend

By Lex June 10, 2013 @ 11:53 AM

Hugh Jackman And Russell Crowe Meeting For Coffee In New York

Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe are headed in two different directions. It shows. Hugh’s got the HGH muscle rip going in his mid 40′s. He’s got that condescending clenched muscle forearm wrapped around Russell Crowe’s fatty tailing career. It this were Spartacus, he’d be driving the sword through Russell’s ruddy flesh, with gallons of blood and angst and margarine spilling everywhere. Consider this the passing of the torch from one silly sounding bearded Oceania action star to another.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Britney or Russell: Who Wore It Better?

By brendon January 25, 2013 @ 2:29 PM

britney_vs_russell

Britney Spears went on twitter to point out that Russell Crowe was basically wearing the same thing in the opening scene of ‘Les Miserables’ as she was in her video for ‘Toxic’, except that he buttoned his coat.

LOL. Cute hat @RussellCrowe. You wear it well. Maybe we should perform a Toxic/Work Song mashup ;)

Assuming this was a snide way of calling him a homosexual, Crowe found her and hit her in the head several times with his shoe. Russell Crowe takes twitter very very seriously.

Tuesday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 6:55 PM

michelle_keegan_bikini

JESSICA SIMPSON – is in talks with NBC for a sitcom that “would feature Simpson playing a version of herself in a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style look at her life”. And it can’t possibly fail because improv is the perfect vehicle for this quick-witted legend of comedy. (tv guide)

RUSSELL CROWE – might be dating “burlesque goddess” Dita Von Teese, who has somehow totally escaped her past as a “spread-eagle girl having sex with a popsicle goddess”. For the record, it might not be the best idea in the world for a guy with his temper to date a girl who is super super pale.(page six)

BEN AFFLECK – will have a tough time winning the Oscar for Best Picture even though his movie ‘Argo’ just won the Golden Globe for Best Picture. His best bet is for lots of old voters to think they’re voting for ‘Fargo’. (huff post)

TAYLOR SWIFT – has a crush on Bradley Cooper, so she had Jennifer Lawrence ask Bradley if he wanted to go out with her. The response: “Bradley has absolutely no intention of getting together with Taylor.” So then Taylor asked, “What does he mean ‘no intention‘? So he really wants to date me but thinks you can’t plan love? Oh my gaad, why do guys always have to play these games, why can’t they just be honest!” (radar)

MICHELLE KEEGAN – is an English actress in the new issue of Zoo, and she’s in a bikini but who cares about that? What I wanna know is if her eyes are the same size, and what insect does her eyebrow look like? This magazine is really out of touch.

‘Noah’ is delayed because of flooding

By brendon October 31, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

russell_crowe_on_the_set_of_noah1

As reported here first, Hurricane Sandy has all but shutdown the northeast since ravaging New York and New Jersey, including the filming of Darren Aronofskys ‘Noah’, starring Russell Crowe and Emma Watson, which is filming in Oyster Bay, New York. IMDB says…

To make it as realistic as possible, the director built a massive ark, which measures 450 feet long, 75 feet tall and 45 feet wide. Unfortunately, it was never meant to be sailed.
With production wrapping up within the next few weeks, the ark was forced to deal with flooding as Hurricane Sandy passed through.

Uhh, you’re supposed to say “spoiler alert”, God. Thank’s a lot dick, way to ruin the ending for people who didn’t read the book.

(image source = splash)