Seal Is a Great Divorced Dad

By Lex December 16, 2013 @ 1:35 PM

Seal Takes His Kids And Their Friends To Get Candy At The Grove
Seal has got the divorced dad thing down pretty pat. On his custody weekend he took all of his kids and a couple other mulatto children that he accidentally thought were his kids to the mall to buy candy, scooters, and iPods. As he bribed the kids with gifts, he asked them if their mom was still banging that dude he hired to protect them and then told them not to hate her for being born without a soul. He also had them rehearse the line for Heidi that daddy was swimming in an Olympic sized pool of hot model pussy. Then he promised to buy them all llamas for Christmas.

Photo Credit: WENN

Joan Rivers Compared Heidi Klum To The Holocaust

By Travis March 01, 2013 @ 11:12 AM

Nobody gave a crap that supermodel Heidi Klum had allegedly been cheating on Seal, her husband of seven years, with her bodyguard and current boyfriend, because she’s 39-years old and still looks better than 99% of the women on this planet. And her vagina might as well be the gates to Heaven, because Seal only just started dating again and his new girlfriend is so average that nobody gives a crap who she is or what show she’s on.

But how much do people love Klum? Enough that they’re ready to correct nature’s mistakes and finally kill Joan Rivers.

Photo credit: Splash

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are Heidi Klum and Seal getting a divorce or not

By brendon January 26, 2012 @ 3:55 PM

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Pretty much the first thing Seal did after it was announced that he and Heidi Klum were getting a divorce was go on the Ellen DeGeneres show (with his wedding ring still on) and sing ‘Let’s Stay Together’.

Then there was talk that maybe Klum didn’t really want a divorce but she had to do something drastic to convince him to go to counseling for his temper, and then last night she was out with her wedding ring on too.

So what the hell? Are they separating or not? If I had anything better to do with my time and this nonsense was keeping me from it, I would be outraged.

Seal is still wearing his wedding ring

By brendon January 24, 2012 @ 10:08 AM

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This won’t make a ton of sense, but yesterday, just a few hours after Heidi Klum and Seal announced that they were getting a divorce and ending their 7 year marriage, Seal was wearing his wedding ring and saying how awesome Heidi Klum is on the Ellen Degeneres show:

“Yes, I am still wearing my ring. I think it’s just pretty much a token of how I feel about this woman. We have eight years.
“Just because we have decided to separate doesn’t necessarily mean you take off your ring and you’re no longer connected to that person.
“We will be connected in many ways ‘til the rest of our lives.”

It’s a good thing Seal has always seemed so dignified, because that could have easily sounded creepy instead of romantic. Especially with him looking so, I don’t know, so “tribal”. I’d be scared to date Heidi next. He looks like he’d eat your heart to gain your powers.

(image source = pacific coast)

Heidi Klum is single

By brendon January 23, 2012 @ 9:31 AM

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Heidi Klum and Seal have had 4 kids during their seemingly happy 7 year marriage, but now those kids are orphans or whatever because Klum and Seal are getting a divorce. Last night, they released this controversial statement…

“We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other, but our six-year-old son Henry still wets the bed. It’s so embarrassing! We can’t even have his friends over anymore because he’ll pee on them. I don’t know what his deal is. He must like it, the little pervert. Does sham-wow make sheets? Because we’d buy some. Anyway, this led to a lot of tension in the house and that led to fights. So thanks a lot you little dick! Way to ruin our family.”

Wow, nice job Henry. Hey look, your mom is crying again, is this what you wanted, are you happy now?

Heidi Klum is in a bikini

By brendon August 02, 2011 @ 3:18 PM

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Heidi Klum spent this morning with her husband Seal and their 4 kids on a yacht off the coast of Ibiza, Spain, because yes, the whole god damn world has a yacht except for me and you apparently.

(image source = bauer griffin)