katie holmes just got paid

By brendon December 02, 2009 @ 8:47 PM

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Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been married just over 3 years now (Nov. 18) and despite recent rumors that their relationship is struggling, things are going great. So well in fact, Katie has even agreed to extend her marriage contract. Aww. This is really touching.

OK! can exclusively report that the Cruises have reached a deal on expanding their family: Katie plans to get pregnant sometime in the next year.
“She no longer feels like she’s just Mrs. Cruise. She’s her own person again,” a pal tells OK! of the couple’s decision. “She and Tom have their disagreements, but deep down they love each other very much. That’s what is important.”

Being rich must be awesome. Normally this kind of thing is called prostitution, but if the number is high enough they call it “loving each other very much”. The issue isn’t paying a girl to have sex with you, it’s paying her a hundred dollars to have sex with you. This is the kind of shit that happens when you let women vote.

Morning headlines

By brendon June 11, 2009 @ 7:55 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Chantelle Houghton Sunbathing In France (USA AND OZ O

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4 – I think I’m the only one who feels Mission Impossible 3 is completely awesome, until the final ten minutes. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best actor alive, and Maggie Q is so GD hot I’d rather masturbate to the words “Maggie Q” on a piece of blank paper than a Playboy. Somehow my point to all this is that the great JJ Abrams has confirmed he’s back on board for number 4. (source = IGN)

PARIS HILTON – is single. She broke up with that guy whose name I can’t remember. Actually I’m not sure I ever knew it. Greg? Greg. I think it was Greg. My best friend from high school is named Greg. He’s a doctor now. (source = people)

CHANTELLE HOUGHTON – This is the internet and I’m a slave to bikini pictures so they go up almost no matter what, and that’s very much the case with this UK reality “star”. She’s not that good looking, and she needs to lose 10 pounds, but since the dawn of time man has wondered what Kumar would look like with implants and a bikini. Picture 4 has the shocking answer! (source = flynet. hq jump = here)

katie holmes has pretty hair

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 9:22 AM

Katie Holmes walked the red carpet with some sassy hair extensions last night in Tokyo for the Japanese premiere of “Valkyrie”.  Although for some inexplicable reasons I can’t find good pictures of it anywhere (the banner is from the Sun).   I have to follow my heart and admit I think she’s a fantastic looking woman at times, like here, even though she’s famous for her short hair these days.  Unlike our 12th President Zachary Taylor, who was famous for leading U.S. troops to victory in critical battles of the Mexican-American War.  So really Katie Holmes and Zachary Taylor aren’t as similar as the Hollywood hype machine would like you believe.

will smith is number one

By brendon February 10, 2009 @ 1:32 PM

Forbes magazine has named Will Smith the most bankable star in Hollywood after an industry survey asking what actors can most easily attract financing, theatrical distribution, and an audience.  Angelina Jolie tied for second on the list, and was one of only three women in the top 20.  So don’t confuse this with the Top 20 People Who Beat Me Up In The Third Grade.  That list only had two girls names on it.

wtf! – update (!)

By brendon February 04, 2009 @ 11:52 AM

Aww god dammit.  Is everyone in Hollywood on HGH except me?  This is bullshit.  If anyone out there has a hookup for HGH let me know.  I’m not kidding.  I want that shit.   Tom Cruise was a mess a few months ago, now look at him yesterday in Brazil.  He's like a damn underwear model.  I just drafted him as a free safety in my fantasy league.  

(picture source = splash news.  Im tryng to get better and more of these pictures.  And I’m not even remotely kidding about the HGH.  Someone hook my ass up.  Im gonna get all buff and shit.)

UPDATE – finally a better picture, full size here.

tom cruise is getting a makeover

By brendon January 23, 2009 @ 12:02 PM

Believe it or not there was a time when everyone loved Tom Cruise and his goofy religion was no secret but he and his team keep his doofusness in check.  Then in 2005 he fired Pat Kingsly, his publicist since 1995, and replaced her with his scientologist sister.  Not a good idea, as it turns out.  Now he has a new PR team, and it would seem they’re starting with the basics.  Star says…

- no lecturing any talk show hosts (think: Matt Lauer!) about Scientology
- be more connected to the audience, stop wearing sunglasses on the red carpet
- no showing up at premieres in fancy cars. "They don't want him to seem arrogant during the recession!"
- the No. 1 priority? Winning back Tom's female fans … appear on women-friendly programs like The View. "It's all very calculated," the insider says … and when in public with Katie Holmes, "Tom needs to quit grabbing her arm and pulling her around. The idea is to make him the kinder, gentler Tom, not a controlling husband with a Stepford wife."

Um, isn’t all that just a longer way to say, don’t lecture people about religion, don’t flaunt your wealth and fame, and don’t manhandle your wife in public.  I don’t mean to brag, but I think most people kind of know that all by themselves.  If he’s this dumb how does he even drive a car?  How far back does this go?  Does he understand colors?  How does he tell the difference between the ignition and the dog?  Or does he just shove the key into both and see which one bites him?