Thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 6:27 PM

43970PCN_Monk

JON MAYER – went on tumblr and said the Huffington Post is “full of shit”, in a 463 word response to a 150 word story that implied he might be back together with Jennifer Aniston. Maybe he overreacted, but let’s see someone blab that you’re dating that fug bitch and see how you like it. (tumblr, huff post)

JEREMY RENNER – has won the lead opposite Tom Cruise in ‘Mission: Impossible 4′, directed by Brad Bird, which will begin production in the fall and film in the U.S., Vancouver, Prague and Dubai. Cruise is expected to star in ‘M:I 5′ as well, but after that the franchise may be handed over to Renner. Actually you can bank on it, because if there’s one thing Hollywood is good at, it’s making long range plans and sticking to it. (deadline)

MATT DAMON – was back today filming scenes for the new season of ’30 Rock’ (which finally got good last year) and Sherri Shepherd posted a picture of them with Tracy Morgan. Damon plays a pilot who dates Tina Fey, while Shepherd plays the last thing a pound of bacon ever sees. (twitpic)

SOPHIE MONK – is in Hawaii in a bikini, which is more than enough to make the page on a day this incredibly slow. Seriously did you see that Matt Damon story? WTF was that all about? (pacific coast)

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon June 28, 2010 @ 8:27 PM

SPL191304_015

MEL GIBSON – wants his ex girlfriend to produce some evidence to back up her claims, especially the one saying she has dental records proving he knocked out two of her teeth. And I want my ex girlfriend to produce some evidence that she got stationed in Germany. She’s not even in the military as far I know. (radar)

TOY STORY 3 - ruled yet again this weekend, earning another 59 million (total is now 227m). ‘Grown Ups’ was in second place with 40 mill, but ‘Knight and Day’ only made 20.5 million. That movie had a cutesy yet meaningless title, a recycled plot and Cameron Diaz. In hindsight maybe I should say it made an astounding 20.5 million. (bom)

STEVE CARELL – has confirmed that he will leave ‘The Office’ after next season, but the show will continue without him. Seems risky, but personally, I’m 100 percent confident that the show won’t get any less funny. (e!)

KELLY BROOK - is still in Barbados, in the same bikini, but these are new pictures. It’s nice really because this is like a hundred pictures now and I can edit them together and make a little movie. (splash)

tom cruise is a good dancer

By brendon June 07, 2010 @ 4:28 AM

As you watch Tom Cruise sell a billion ‘Knight and Day’ movie tickets by dancing with Hennifaa Yopez at last nights MTV Movie Awards, keep in mind that he’s … ahem … FORTY FUCKING SEVEN years old. I’m joining scientolgoy immediately. I asked my old god for immortality a hundred times. You know what I got? Nothin. A big fat nothin.

katie holmes just got paid

By brendon December 02, 2009 @ 8:47 PM

okok050_cover

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been married just over 3 years now (Nov. 18) and despite recent rumors that their relationship is struggling, things are going great. So well in fact, Katie has even agreed to extend her marriage contract. Aww. This is really touching.

OK! can exclusively report that the Cruises have reached a deal on expanding their family: Katie plans to get pregnant sometime in the next year.
“She no longer feels like she’s just Mrs. Cruise. She’s her own person again,” a pal tells OK! of the couple’s decision. “She and Tom have their disagreements, but deep down they love each other very much. That’s what is important.”

Being rich must be awesome. Normally this kind of thing is called prostitution, but if the number is high enough they call it “loving each other very much”. The issue isn’t paying a girl to have sex with you, it’s paying her a hundred dollars to have sex with you. This is the kind of shit that happens when you let women vote.

Morning headlines

By brendon June 11, 2009 @ 7:55 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Chantelle Houghton Sunbathing In France (USA AND OZ O

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4 – I think I’m the only one who feels Mission Impossible 3 is completely awesome, until the final ten minutes. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best actor alive, and Maggie Q is so GD hot I’d rather masturbate to the words “Maggie Q” on a piece of blank paper than a Playboy. Somehow my point to all this is that the great JJ Abrams has confirmed he’s back on board for number 4. (source = IGN)

PARIS HILTON – is single. She broke up with that guy whose name I can’t remember. Actually I’m not sure I ever knew it. Greg? Greg. I think it was Greg. My best friend from high school is named Greg. He’s a doctor now. (source = people)

CHANTELLE HOUGHTON – This is the internet and I’m a slave to bikini pictures so they go up almost no matter what, and that’s very much the case with this UK reality “star”. She’s not that good looking, and she needs to lose 10 pounds, but since the dawn of time man has wondered what Kumar would look like with implants and a bikini. Picture 4 has the shocking answer! (source = flynet. hq jump = here)

katie holmes has pretty hair

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 9:22 AM

Katie Holmes walked the red carpet with some sassy hair extensions last night in Tokyo for the Japanese premiere of “Valkyrie”.  Although for some inexplicable reasons I can’t find good pictures of it anywhere (the banner is from the Sun).   I have to follow my heart and admit I think she’s a fantastic looking woman at times, like here, even though she’s famous for her short hair these days.  Unlike our 12th President Zachary Taylor, who was famous for leading U.S. troops to victory in critical battles of the Mexican-American War.  So really Katie Holmes and Zachary Taylor aren’t as similar as the Hollywood hype machine would like you believe.