Alicia Vikander Feminist Lara Croft

The first official set pictures of Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft are here. Lara wears sensible cargo pants now, which means she’s a feminist. Or maybe she’s a lesbian. Guys who first jacked off to Lara’s cone tits in the original 1996 Tomb Raider game might prefer... read more

Domino's Pizza Sex Chick Milking What She Can (VIDEO)

British blond chick Daniella Hirst and her boyfriend were captured on closed circuit in a Domino's Pizza having sex while waiting on their pie. Couples have been given reality TV deals on less. read more

Wiz Khalifa Smokes a J With Pablo Escobar

Wiz Khalifa stirred up raw emotions among Colombians when he visited the gravesite of Pablo Escobarduring a tour stop. Khalifa coziedup to the dead drug kingpin and nation's largest mass murderer, smoking a joint at Escobar's memorial stone and taking epic selfies. read more

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The Brides Wore White

Orange Is the New Black writer Lauren Morelli remembered that she hated having sex with men not long after her six figure straight wedding. It's probably worth visiting your musecage before the reception deposit becomes non-refundable. read more

Laurel Hubbard Dominated

If you're into subtext, read the quotes of female competitors in the International Weightlifting Open in Australia who had to take on New Zealand's Laurel Hubbard, who not long ago was Gavin Hubbard, male power lifting champ. read more

Emmy Rossum Hit

Emmy Rossum is the latest celebrity to be hit by a prodigious gang of professional thieves. Rossum was holding $150,000 in vintage jewelry in her safe. In case the cash economy collapses. The burglars broke in despite the ADT warning sign planted out front. A certain blow... read more

Shoving Matches Aren't What They Used to Be (VIDEO)

You couldspend your entire day pointing out how big media journalists taint their headlines and stories with politically correct markups. But that's real work and would only earnyoutwenty new friends who mock your micro-brews. read more

Jay Cutler's Wife Posts Ass Shot

Jay Culter is currently a free agent. And? So is Aaron Hernandez. You can be one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the league and catch on with another team holding a clipboard. Not if you're a raging asshole who looks and acts like every 80's movie bad guy though. read more

Elsa Hosk Loves French Fries

A cool person would never put on a special shirt that reads French Fries in order to take a photo of themselves eating french fries. Such an idea would simply never occur to a person you'd want to hang out with. read more

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Kobe Bryant Teaches Kids to Channel Rage (VIDEO)

Kobe Bryant's entertainment venture is producing videos for children featuring Kobe talking to a "Little Mamba" puppet about good feelings and bad feelings. If you think anti-social feelings are going to be dismissed, you hardly understand life inside the Kobe Bryant... read more

Reality Survival Show Canceled; Nobody Tells Contestants

Whatever the latest version of Survivor is on reality television, it invariably involves putting a bunch of better than average looking millennials into the wild to eat bugs and pee in rivers. Everybody masturbates to something different. Don't judge. read more

Sarah Silverman Intends to Heal the Divide

Sarah Silverman locked up a new political talk show for the Hulu network where she intends to heal divisions in this nation by asking people to understand why she's right and you're wrong. It's a novel tactic tried largely unsuccessfully by parents on their teenagers... read more