Chloe Sevigny Topless in a Foreign Magazine

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 1:19 PM

Chloe Sevigny Topless In Sante dOrazo LOfficiel Hommes France

Chloe Sevigny traveled to France to show off her boobs for a fashion magazine. She’s not allowed to pose topless in the United States due to her confusing chest mole and the fact that when they held a hearing banning her from showing off her tits anymore nobody showed up in opposition. All Sevigny sex filled thought provoking indies must be produced now solely in countries where online dating profiles highlight your chain smoking and disdain for outdoor activities.

Photo Credit: Sante d’Orazo

Ebola Nurses Seem Like Assholes

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 12:52 PM

Every health worker coming back from West Africa seems pretty fucking douchey about being the one to decide the Hot Zone rules. Kaci Hickox is that Doctors Without Borders nurse who fat governor Christie threw into an E.T. containment tent the minute she got back from Ebola Central and tested positive for a fever. Hickox spent about two seconds in forced quarantine before she started calling her attorney, CNN, and Dr. Nancy Snyderman to grab her some soup and stop by for a visit. Obama and the medical community cautioned everybody about overreacting to Ebola so that they could insidiously import more Ebola. It’s some kind of Ebola multi-level marketing scheme where they’re all getting rich on.

Christie told Hickox the only way she was getting out of her Saran Wrap prison in Newark was if she got her attitude and her Ebola risk the fuck out of New Jersey completely. So she did. To Maine, where she was asked by the authorities to home quarantine herself for a couple more weeks to ensure she wasn’t infected. Which she did, for about an hour, before taking a bike ride with her friend. Because Ebola nurses are assholes.

What all these humanitarian medical workers know is that Ebola is rather difficult to transmit casually and that even if you do flare up, it’s like a herpes, they have plenty of time to call their dates and come up with a fake excuse for canceling on dinner. What asshole doctors and nurses don’t know is that the rest of us don’t give a shit about their science. We don’t even want you creating a the appearance of Ebola, or the panic and social cost that surrounds it. It’s not irrational to overreact to a virus that makes you shoot diarrhea out of your eye sockets until you die. It is completely selfish not to accept a 21-day quarantine after sticking your hands into Ebola patients in West Africa. Buy some Harry Potter books, get a decent cable package, and shut the fuck up for three weeks. Asshole.

Queen Latifah Hates Dr. Huxtable And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 30, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Queen Latifah cancelled her interview with Bill Cosby after old rape allegations resurfaced in the media recently. It’s not as if any of this information is new. Just maybe he likes to force his pudding pop in some strange.

Destroy your childhood further by reading all about Cosby rape. (TMZ)

Farrah Abraham dresses like Elsa from Frozen to sell her rubber twats. (Huffington Post)

This is Sabrina Ioffreda and her tits are amazeballs. (Drunken Stepfather)

Here is Alessandra Ambrosio’s sideboob. You’re welcome. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nina Agdal in a bikini is the best thing that will happen to you today. (Popoholic)

Cassie Cardelle uses her tits to sell expensive water. (The Superficial)

It turns out that Apple’s Tim Cook likes iCock. (Dlisted)

Anais Zanotti in a Bikini

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 11:51 AM

Anais Zanotti Wears A Bikini On The Beach In Miami
Real life movements simply aren’t possible when you know dudes with cameras are snapping you. You can’t pick your nose or scratch your ass or adjust your junk. It’s all about tossing the hair and moving like you want the king to pick you out among all the servant girls for his harem where the fruit is at least fresh after the forcible sodomy. Is it truly possible for a good looking woman in a thong bikini to ever have a candid moment in public? Probably not. I’m going to feel sorry for this chick just as soon as I imagine making a baby with her then changing my name so she can’t find me for child support. If I learned anything from Elm Street it’s that every dream needs an exit plan.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kim Kardashian Breasts Ruin Bruce Jenner’s Birthday

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 11:25 AM

Kim Kardashian Is Nippy In All White For Bruce Jenners Birthday
Why not show a man exactly what kind of woman he can never be. On his birthday no less. While Bruce Jenner toils away with the nails and the hair and the rouge and the squeezing his junk tight enough between his legs to maneuver into women’s restrictive undergarments, along comes his cunt of a stepdaughter to remind him of the tits he will never have. Science just doesn’t offer that yet. Bruce will never know the thrill of rapper sperm splashing onto his engorged mammaries. When he cleans the jetsam off his stomach he’ll only be able to cry at the big racked girl he shall never be. Thanks, Kim. Happy Birthday to Daddy.

Photo Credit: INF/AKM-GSI

Jenny McCarthy Still Trying

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 11:01 AM

Jenny McCarthy Dresses As Sandy From Grease To Host Sirius XM Halloween Party
I give Jenny McCarthy an A for effort. She tried super hard to bring back polio and whooping cough, though she only succeeded among wealthy white moms who educate themselves through Facebook and Xanax. She took a stab at the movies in a couple classics solely available on the bottom shelf at Slovakian Blockbusters. She proved too not-fat for The View where dumb is certainly no issue. Now, radio. When you’re a person who sells themselves entirely on the superficial, radio is the place for you. It’s hard to know how well Jenny’s vagina talk show is doing on SiriusXM but based on past performance, you’d have to say between mediocre and about to be let go in an overly effusive corporate statement. It’s probably difficult to look back on your entertainment career and note that your lone success came when you were young and spread eagle in a magazine. Or maybe it’s awesome, because you know, most people never even get that.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Miley Cyrus Tits Raise Money for The AIDS

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 9:27 AM

Miley Cyrus Wears Exposing Bondage Outfit To amfAR Gala LA
The AIDS research group amfAR delivers the A-list celebrities for their balls around the world like no other charitable cause. You might last a short stint in the business as a Holocaust denier, but you hesitate to support The AIDS and you have signed your death notice.

The girls love showing off their tits at these The AIDS events. It’s kind of a dream scenario. You can flash your yabbos to tons of powerful men and none of them will try to cop a dirty feel. I once spent a week working with a team of gritty lesbians. I found it the most liberating experience ever. The chance to bitch about not getting pussy with other women was more than therapeutic. I don’t care how hard-up your buddy is, he’s got conversationally nothing on a butch dyke who hasn’t aggressively fisted a bored housewife in over six months.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty

Jose Canseco Shoots Himself

By Matt October 30, 2014 @ 9:10 AM

Jose-Canseco-Shot-His-Finger-Off

Jose Canseco shot his middle finger off while cleaning his gun. Those Chuck Norris jokes were never really funny but few could top this true life saga. Canseco is known mostly for shooting roids and acting like a poor man’s clogged colon years Elvis. It makes sense he would spend his retired life on the outskirts of Vegas banging ex strippers and cleaning guns in the kitchen while frying up a banana sandwich. When you sell out your peers and nobody wants to talk to you that’s where you end up. Hanging with diapered goats and cleaning your piece for the fifth time this week. He may never regain the use of his hand, although his brain now lacks basic motor functions so call it a wash.

Photo Credit: Jose Canseco Twitter