Cosby Is A Plagarapist And Shit Around The Web

By Jack December 18, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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On top of being a serial amateur chemist, Bill Cosby is also a plagiarist. It seems that he had two of the Fat Albert and Friends writers from back in the day write his doctoral thesis for him. Is there no end to how much of a quack Dr. Huxtable is?

Hey, Hey, Hey you are like school on Sunday, Cosby…no class. (The Superficial)

Love is officially dead: Kris and Bruce Jenner’s divorce is final. (TMZ)

Jennifer Lawrence in leather pants looks better than your girlfriend in leather pants. (Huffington Post)

Hey, wanna see Candice Swanepoel’s nips through a bustier? (Drunken Stepfather)

Victoria Klinkova does a naughty Lolita inspired spread and it is oh so good. (Hollywood Tuna)

Miranda Kerr in lingerie is like candy for the eyes and cock. (Popoholic)

A day with Nina Agdal in lingerie is automatically better. (COED)

Obamas Open Up About Being Treated Crappy

By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 11:41 AM

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With all the Ferguson and Eric Garner protests going on, The Obamas turned to the hard-hitting People magazine to remind less educated Americans that they have racism stories too. Michelle Obama shared the time somebody mistook her for an employee at Target when she was shopping there on some publicity stunt and asked her to help them find something on the shelf. Pretty harrowing stuff.

The only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn’t see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her.

Because the first lady wouldn’t help you, naturally. Sorry, I meant, no!!!!!!. This is like watching the scenes from Roots that had to be cut out because they were too chilling for network television.

Barack took his pre-designated term with the chowder whores at People by mentioning how he was mistaken for a waiter while in a tuxedo at a black tie event and also mistaken for a valet outside a restaurant:

There’s no black male my age, who’s a professional, who hasn’t come out of a restaurant and is waiting for their car and somebody didn’t hand them their car keys.

Fuck, why was this not in the CIA torture report? Though you have to consider that parking valet is a more legitimate job than your wholly contrived gig at the time as a community organizer. I know what I’d do if some asswipe slipped me a twenty and the keys to his Porsche and told me to park his baby somewhere safe, but being white I would so without the shame of  enslaved generations on my shoulders. Just some chick I called to impress with what I tell her is my new ride only to discover it’s pretty impossible to have sex in a Porsche.

It’s probably a good thing that the Obamas are talking about ignorant racial shit even if their own stories are super sucky. These teachable moments are one of the reasons so many voted for him. To scold and to remind. We really don’t elect Presidents because we think they’re strong executive material any more. Not since they started allowing those ‘other people’ to vote. No, not the blacks. The women. They ruined everything.

Photo credit: Splash News

Sharon Stone Still Won’t Wear a Bra

By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 10:29 AM

Sharon Stone Goes Braless While Shopping In Beverly Hills
It might be time to re-animate Theodor Geisel and have him pen some instructive prose along the lines of Could You Would You Please Wear A Bra. Sharon Stone’s latest tits only date back about a couple or three years, but there comes a time when Grandma needs to throttle down on the free swingers. Twenty-five years ago men would’ve killed to have Sharon Stone tits slapping them in the face, now her commando tits are making everybody wonder if being gay is so bad. This isn’t sexist. We need to shut down that silver fox in bike shorts crap as well. Only the genitals of our nation’s most attractive young people should ever been seen. That’s the thin line keeping us from going third world.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Lauren Silverman in A Bikini in Barbados

By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 9:48 AM

Simon Cowells Girlfriend Lauren Silverman Wears A Bikini While In Barbados
I didn’t think Simon Cowell would stick with his buddy’s wife he knocked up for almost a full year now since she shat out his spawn. But there they are in Barbados with the little bastard, her other son from her marriage tucked safely away in boarding school on the most remote islet of Tierra del Fuego. Only in the movies do relationships originated in sin and deceit lead to horrible outcomes. In real life, you get Caribbean vacations and cute as a button kids who make for wonderful magazine covers. Though I wouldn’t try this at home unless you’re pretty fucking rich.

Photo Credit: Splash

Nicki Minaj Nip Slip Frightens Bravo Audience

By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 8:58 AM

Nicki Minaj Nip Slip On Watch What Happens Live
There’s no safer place to have your tits start falling out of your top than an Andy Cohen show. It’s not like Cosby who’s going to dash for his espresso machine and specially marked beans. Your virtue is safe here, Nicki. We only call this station Bravo because NancyGaySpectacleHour was already taken. Now watch my giant bleached white teeth guffaw with laughter as you share an musing anecdote my producers helped you rehearse. This is where magic happens.

Photo Credit: Getty/Nicki Minaj

North Korea Just Went Ameri-Can-Do on America

By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 8:42 AM

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America used to be the enterprising bad-asses on the the block. The John Wayne drawling and piece-carrying peace makers who capture the horse thieves then made love to the beautiful women while still stinking of the range. Now we’ve been hobbled by some tiny dictator who loves cheesecake bites and clipping his toenails to Matchbox 20 songs. North Korea just showed some serious fucking balls. They got a bug up their ass about a passable Seth Rogen and James Franco comedy and they did something about it. They killed it. Then they punished the people who made it. You can lament them as poor global citizens and extortionists and terrorists all you want, they swept the leg and took home the All-Valley Karate Championship trophy.

This won’t be seen around the world as some nebbishes in Hollywood caving to hackers. This will be seen as North Korea 1, America 0. Obama should’ve stepped in here at some point and called Amy Pascal at Sony and said, you tell North Korea to bugger off and you keep this picture rolling out, and then we’re even on all that 12 Years a Slave Obama be Sambo nonsense. Fuck, I’m not sure people realize how sad a day this is for America.

Tetyana Veryovkina Thongs in Miami

By Lex December 17, 2014 @ 1:33 PM

Tetyana Veryovkina Wears A Thong Bikini On The Beach In Miami
Why do our immigration plans never account for bringing in more good looking Russian women? If I were Obama I’d get that down home lingo back and haggle some. You give me five million non-inoculated peasants from Central America and I’ll give you one-thousand of the finest looking Russian chicks who call themselves models so you don’t have to feel guilty. You know the whooping cough crowd is coming anyhow. Break me open a couple cargo containers of Russian whores destined for other parts of the world and we can call it even.

Photo Credit: Splash

Bow Down To The Probably Non-Existent Terrorists

By Matt December 17, 2014 @ 12:20 PM

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James Rogen and Seth Franco cancelled all their media appearances for The Interview. I guess it’s all fun and games until you figure maybe Virginia Tech. Or Sony forced their hand because a Dead Franco is a serious insurance payoff. Not to be outdone Landmark Theaters cancelled the NYC premiere of the film, soon followed by other theater chains announcing they would no longer be showing the movie out of safety concerns. Where’s all that These Colors Don’t Run shit when you need it? You just handed a winning ticket voucher to a pudgy virgin ten thousand miles away who I heard is a bad tipper. Or a skinny redhead in Suburban Denver. I have no idea, I’m just making shit up. That’s the whole point. Maybe they don’t exist. North Korea exists but when’s the last time they bombed a movie theater in the U.S.? Grow a pair. Get your spine and your fucking Orange Crush and buy a ticket. We’re America, not Ameri-pussy. I also just made that up. You can steal it.

Photo Credit: Twitter