Irina Shayk Bikinis In Italy And Shit Around The Web

Irina Shayk may have broken up with Bradley Cooper. Imagine how sad Cooper must be as he moves seamlessly onto the next 20-something supermodel. Dudes with perms haven't done this well in a long long time.

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Lyin' Ted Cruz Makes A Bold Move (VIDEO)

Creepy used car salesman Ted Cruz and his prolific forehead grease used his RNC speech to further his own agenda and did not endorse Trump, as is the entire point of giving a speech at the RNC. Cruz is apparently butt hurt and embarrassed about being beaten out by Trump as he should be since Trump has no political experience and is an outward buffoon. Still, he's not the least likable person in any building he enters,...

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Christie Brinkley No Longer Cares

Christie Brinkley no longer cares what people think about her looks. As evidenced by her ceaseless amounts of plastic surgery and eleven hours with teams of dry wall spacklers preparing for public events. Or fucking John Mellencamp.

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Amber Rose in Disguise

If it weren't for the tattoos, you might not know you were masturbating to Amber Rose in costume. Let that chilling fact register. The very reason Halloween party hookups are a singularly horrible idea. Every naughty nurse looks super hot behind four spiked punch cocktails.

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Ashley Graham Went and Ruined Everything

You had one job, Ashley Graham. Eat. The plus sized model phenomenon may have lost some weight. Or appeared more slender in an Instagram photo she ran up the BBW flagpole. What looks like a couple or three inches lost around the elastic waistband sent her larger lady fan base into an orgy of disappointment and things made of processed shortening.

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Kristen Stewart And Alicia Cargile Kiss

Kristen Stewart is back in baby's arms. The actress who channels privilege rage into lesbian make-out sessions is back together with her previous girlfriend and personal assistant, Alicia Cargile. Not just men fuck their assistants in Hollywood. Though men often weigh looks over anything to do with "she loves to lithograph and can move a queen mattress by herself".

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Amber Heard Blabbing

Amber Heard and her lawyers are reportedly leaking details of her and Johnny Depp's impending divorce settlement. Next time you feel the need to waffle about the gender pay gap, calculate the amount of money dudes are paying to their whore ex-wives. They don't have any children. His name is almost certainly on the deed to the house. Walk away and move on. Everyone likes free shit though.

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Kobe Bryant Won't Stop Essaying

Kobe Bryant penned yet another open letter in the Player's Tribune. This time, a bit of wisdom to his seventeen year old self. It's unclear if he believes his seventeen year old self can read this or if he's become a master of dramatic literary devices. The essay seemed a roundabout manner of telling your parents to stop asking you for more money:

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Kim Kardashian Up to $700,000 An Hour

When asked about making more money than the President, Babe Ruth told the media, "I've had a better year". Then he plowed his face into snuff and consumed a chili dog while a fat chick barebacked his syphilis encrusted dick. Crude, but more interesting than anything at the political conventions.

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Julianne Hough Likes To Workout And Shit Around The Web

Julianne Hough, on any given day, can be seen in a sports bra and tight workout pants. Or on every day. No sex policies can leave you with extra time to work the core. Bounce a nickel off your abs and see if it hits Russell Wilson. Both of you have gorgeous boyfriends somewhere.

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Stella Maxwell Could Do So Much Better

Stella Maxwell shares that habit of most skinny models in posting tons of photos of her evening meals and drink. There's no evidence any of them are eating. Look closely and you'll see there's nothing going past the lips.

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Courtney Stodden No Longer With Child

There's no joke to be had when a woman miscarries her unborn child. Though that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Courtney Stodden took to Twitter to announce the loss of her fetus. That does save money on long distance calls to relatives.

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Ireland Baldwin Naked Expansionism

The more babies her father bangs into his not really Spanish yoga instructor young wife, the more naked Ireland Baldwin gets. There's got to be a guttural German expression for that transference principle. Baldwin's nudity is so rapid fire, there's little point in getting dressed in the morning for work.

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Twitter Doesn't Quite Get It

The preferred social media tool of jihadists and eco-terrorists, Twitter banned supercilious Breitbart blogger Milo Yiannopoulos. He's the gay British one who writes inflammatory shit online to get attention. So what everybody without teenaged fans or tits has to do to get noticed on social media.

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Nobody Understands The Legality of Swift/West/Kardashian Phone Recording (VIDEO)

A plethora of armchair lawyers and dumb bloggers are speculating as to the legality of someone recording Kanye West's phone call to Taylor Swift. To recap, she's a liar and if you look at her face it seems plausible she drinks kitten blood.

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