By Matt February 18, 2015 @ 6:13 AM
Right after his steroid supplier was sentenced to prison, Alex Rodriguez issued an apology to the fans which he wrote out by hand possibly while shaving or having sex with a WWE Diva, or both. I remember in high school some of the teachers demanded work be typed. Maybe writing it in lopsided print will piss someone off. They didn’t specify and I’m a cocksucker.
“I accept the fact that many of you will not believe my apology or anything that I say at this point. I understand why and that’s on me.”
We get that you’re a terrible person. Not because you took PEDs or even lied. You can just tell. This is weird timing. I’m guessing it has something to do with the $61 million owed to Rodriguez or maybe Jiminy Cricket just got back from an extended stay in Baja. It’s a solid insincere gesture for the ages. I saw your fingers were crossed. There remains one and only one way to apologize in this world. Do your job and shut the fuck up. A-Rod currently 0-2. This is just like the playoffs.
Photo Credit: Facebook
By Matt February 05, 2015 @ 6:06 AM
Alex Rodriguez’ ex WWE diva girlfriend of three years has broken up with him, reportedly because he’s afraid of commitment but coincidentally his career is basically over and he’s the most hated man in New York since Bin Laden. She’s probably heard the gay rumors she contributed to by having a striated eight pack and a pretty decent piece on her. If Rodriguez survives the line drives hit directly at his head by teammates this spring training there’s a chance she could nurse him back to health. She produces breast milk year round and going down on her is the equivalent of eight shots in the ass. Take a day off.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex October 21, 2013 @ 1:36 PM
The whole innocent until proven guilty meme is really meant for shaky murder cases and dudes who get slapped with sex offender charges for not wanting to stand in line at stadium urinals. But there are loyalist twits who will vociferously defend just about any accused. Like the dolts lined up outside the MLB Commissioner’s office in N.Y. supporting A-Rod in his 211-game suspension appeal. They seem to be mostly Dominican nationals and the socially retarded who feel that A-Rod deserves justice. I suppose justice means he should be allowed to cheat because you have some weird emotional connection to a man who doesn’t give a shit about you. Just like Michael Jackson should’ve been allowed to fondle boys’ penises because he made Thriller. Or you think your hooker is a special soul because she told you she really likes you as a person. Bud Selig is the king of all jackasses, A-Rod is a tool. You can root for the meteor, but you can’t carry dumbass signs calling A-Rod a victim just because your Occupy protest disbanded.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex August 19, 2013 @ 8:40 AM
Everybody in baseball wants to see the A-Rod exit as fast as fucking possible. The longer he lingers, the more they’re going to keep throwing shit at him and making up stories about what a total dick he is. Like saying he leaked evidence on fellow ball players. He probably didn’t, but once you’re labeled the high school slut, the kids in Social Science are going to be swapping tales about you pulling a train on the varsity basketball squad. I suppose somebody can find some honor in A-Rod’s appeal and continuing to play despite the fact that everyone knows he’s dirty. Maybe one of those DTF wrestling divas that seem to dig him still. There’s no way he’s getting A-list Hollywood trim again. That door has been closed. He’s going to have to settle for his $350 million in career earnings and big bootied Latin models. Not such a bad backup plan .
Video credit: ESPN
By Lex July 31, 2013 @ 10:21 AM
You find role models in the most unusual places. The grocery store clerk who looks the other way as a hungry child steals an apple. The prostitute who lets a war veteran slide on a handy for the good of nation. And Alex Rodriguez, who won’t let the distraction of all the ‘noise’ surrounding his certain suspensions for doping get to him:
“Look, it’s concerning. I have two daughters at home, and I’m sensitive to that, and above all, I want to be a role model, continue to be a role model — especially to my girls.”
A-Rod puts too much pressure on himself. As if dumping his wife and banging scores of models wasn’t a good enough example to his girls. What else can you expect the man to do, get a hit in October? He’s just a man.
By brendon January 10, 2012 @ 2:02 PM
The reason people think Alex Rodriguez is gay because he does things like spend the day working on his tan with his manly looking girlfriend and a little dog with a pink bow in it’s hair.
There’s no follow up point to this by the way, I’m just explaining why people think Alex Rodriguez is gay.
(image source = splash)