Tuesday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 6:55 PM

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JESSICA SIMPSON – is in talks with NBC for a sitcom that “would feature Simpson playing a version of herself in a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style look at her life”. And it can’t possibly fail because improv is the perfect vehicle for this quick-witted legend of comedy. (tv guide)

RUSSELL CROWE – might be dating “burlesque goddess” Dita Von Teese, who has somehow totally escaped her past as a “spread-eagle girl having sex with a popsicle goddess”. For the record, it might not be the best idea in the world for a guy with his temper to date a girl who is super super pale.(page six)

BEN AFFLECK – will have a tough time winning the Oscar for Best Picture even though his movie ‘Argo’ just won the Golden Globe for Best Picture. His best bet is for lots of old voters to think they’re voting for ‘Fargo’. (huff post)

TAYLOR SWIFT – has a crush on Bradley Cooper, so she had Jennifer Lawrence ask Bradley if he wanted to go out with her. The response: “Bradley has absolutely no intention of getting together with Taylor.” So then Taylor asked, “What does he mean ‘no intention‘? So he really wants to date me but thinks you can’t plan love? Oh my gaad, why do guys always have to play these games, why can’t they just be honest!” (radar)

MICHELLE KEEGAN – is an English actress in the new issue of Zoo, and she’s in a bikini but who cares about that? What I wanna know is if her eyes are the same size, and what insect does her eyebrow look like? This magazine is really out of touch.

is Bradley Cooper dating Zoe Saldana or not

By brendon December 02, 2011 @ 1:49 PM

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Zoe Saldana broke up with her fiancé last month after dating for 11 years, and yesterday Star said it was because she and Bradley Cooper were doing it now. They noted that the two filmed a movie together over the summer, and that Bradley Cooper is very handsome. I too am very handsome, so the story seemed plausible.

But now Saldanas agent says the rumor isn’t true, that they’re nothing more than “friends who worked on a recent film.” But if you read between the lines it sounds like they were having sex all the time, and then one day Zoe came to him crying because she was pregnant and Bradley made her get an abortion because, as he put it, “I aint havin’ me no colored baby.”

This Bradley Cooper fella sounds like a real piece of shit! Zoe Saldana is better off without him, I say!

(image source = bauer griffin)

Bradley Cooper is the sexiest

By brendon November 16, 2011 @ 11:28 AM

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People magazine announced today that Bradley Cooper is the sexiest man alive. In other news, past winners Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and George Clooney all apparently died over night.

(flashback: fuck you Bradley Cooper)

oh fuck you, Bradley Cooper

By brendon June 02, 2011 @ 11:47 AM

Does impossibly handsome and charming millionaire movie star Bradley Cooper speak fluent French? Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he.

was Bradley Cooper cheating with Jessica Biel?

By brendon March 21, 2011 @ 11:58 AM

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Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger announced this weekend that they had broken up after dating for about 2 years, and popeater makes it sound like it was simply a case of two people being at different points in their lives.

“She’s 41 and has an Oscar. She’s starting to think about children and settling down while Bradley loves his life exactly as it is. It’s taken him a long time to be an A-list actor, and he’s enjoying all the perks, fame and opportunities that have come his way following ‘The Hangover.’”

Star however is here to whore that shit up.

Bradley was sneaking around behind Renée’s back with Hollywood hotties Sandra Bullock and Jessica Biel — and there are photos to prove it!
One of the pictures shows the actor leaving a hotel minutes apart from one of the beauties and an eyewitness told Star they looked “flustered and unkempt.”

I’m not gonna lie to you, unless the hotel they’re talking about only has one room, that’s maybe not the strongest body of evidence I’ve ever seen. Just because you’re around someone who is flustered doesn’t mean you get to have sex with them. If that was the case I would just dry hump Megan Fox down the street.

jessica biel and a tank at the a-team premiere

By brendon June 04, 2010 @ 3:41 PM

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For last nights world premiere, ‘the A-team’ stars Bradley Cooper and Sharlto Copley parked a tank on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood, then joined up with co-stars Rampage Jackson, Liam Neeson, and Jessica Biel. Other big Hollywood names like Adrian Brody, Jon Hamm and Dana White all attended the premiere as well, while stars like Tim Robbins and Sean Penn misunderstood the stunt, surrendered to the tank, laid down in front of the movie theater, rolled back and forth crying, then begged the driver to give sanctions more time.