By Matt May 22, 2015 @ 6:59 AM
Diddy and Drake reportedly made fake amends over their fake beef at Mel’s Diner which serves only real cheese. Their feud drew minor attention because its subjects were a self-aggrandizing businessman and the star of Canadian Saved By The Bell overdubbed in French. Diddy had reportedly punched Drake at a nightclub in Miami a few months back over some rights to some shit ball song people get AIDS to. These reports were highly disputed since it was a publicity stunt and Diddy’s fists are the size of Corn Nuts. The two are now reportedly in talks to collaborate on an as of yet undecided product which you’ll be able to pick up at Ross along with some lint rollers and a Bethenny Frankel autographed rib bone scratcher.
Rap feuds are the oldest trick in the book and it’s all fake. You’ll notice most of the time the two guys are on the same record label. It works. Of course Diddy did have Tupac murdered but he was literally asking for it and that was a long time ago when artists cared about their work. Nothing’s real anymore. How’s my ass taste?
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex May 05, 2015 @ 8:29 AM
Madonna went on YouTube to pretend to answer impromptu questions from her fans while making sure to keep her face at a 43-degree angle to the camera for even one degree off and her skeleton appears to dance. Just past the two minute mark, she reads a question about that awkward make-out session with Drake at Coachella and fired off her an obviously canned response, “I kissed a girl and I liked it.” That’s what the young kids call throwing shade. Madonna could’ve benefitted from a pause to pretend it wasn’t written by her assistant. Also that her intense hair bleach wasn’t causing her hearing aids to malfunction. At the eight minute mark, she makes mention of Drake again, claiming he begged her to come up on stage and stick her tongue down his throat while she remained hesitant since she’s 57 and even her mouth herpes are getting long in the tooth. We may never know the truth behind both sides allegations. The fortunate part being we don’t care.
By Michael April 15, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Canadian teen soap opera star Drake claims he’s “100%” with being deep throated by desiccated crone Madonna at Coachella. This is contrary to early reports and his obvious physical reaction to feeling his life force being sucked out of his gourd.
Read all of Drake’s lies. (Huffington Post)
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley uses her arms as a bra for Harpers. (Egotastic)
Rihanna forgets to wear a bra and shows everyone her nips. (TMZ)
Nadine Leopold and her freckled face model some lingerie just for you. (Drunken Stepfather)
This is Bambi Blyth and this is her amazing cleavage. (Hollywood Tuna)
Is it OK to openly ogle Sophie Turner in tight pants yet? (Popoholic)
It’s Wednesday, let’s celebrate booties! (The Chive)
By Matt April 14, 2015 @ 7:07 AM
Madonna joined Drake on stage at Coachella and kissed him on the mouth, causing him to gag and wretch and talk to Jewish Jesus and then immediately go get his dick sucked by a nineteen year old pixie dust spreader. The whole scene is bizarre. As Madonna is kissing him he starts flailing his limbs around like he’s being raped by a toothless hillbilly. Madonna for her part announces her own name like she’s a pro wrestler and walks off stage with her old lady buns hanging out of her stripper attire. Drake’s public relations people are now spinning that he was just grossed out by her lipstick and not being involuntarily tongue jabbed by someone older than his mom but not as good looking. When dudes are repulsed by you making out with them it’s time to hang up the Road Warrior lingerie. You just ruined Coachella’s trending popular line graph. Bake a pie and call it a day.
By Michael January 27, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Former Canadian teen dramatist Drake supposedly struck out with Lebanese porn star Mia Khalifa. She was moved by his music, but less impressed with the not black part of his junk. He’ll likely create a new rap that shades the story differently.
Read about this modern day love story. (Dlisted)
Hackers threaten Taylor Swift with releasing titty pics. (TMZ)
Nadja Bender shows off her awesome thumper for Vogue. (Egotastic)
Lady Gaga does yoga in a thong because, Oh God my eyes! (Huffington Post)
Naomi Campbell is still highly fuckable. (Drunken Stepfather)
Hailey Clauson in a bikini is super fucking fappable. (Popoholic)
Kerrie McMahon uses her tits to sell overpriced water. (The Superficial)
By Matt January 23, 2015 @ 6:06 AM
Drake’s old ass dad, who’s name is Dennis Graham, spends all his time drinking and soliciting handsy photos with any piece of ass in his diminished line of sight and then posting them. Outside of that he is apparently an aspiring musician. He put out a feeler on Instagram saying he was looking for a “Classy female rapper” for a cut. It seems clear he is targeting chicks who think they can get to Drake through questionable mustache dad. Whatever. We both have an agenda here. Let’s talk about the song over a drink. No I don’t have access to a studio or a musical background. I’ll let you see Drake’s old bedroom. You find an angle you better work it. It’s hard out there for a pimp.
Photo Credit: Instagram