Drake Narrowly Avoids Cherp Herps And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 27, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

452249496

Former Canadian teen dramatist Drake supposedly struck out with Lebanese porn star Mia Khalifa. She was moved by his music, but less impressed with the not black part of his junk. He’ll likely create a new rap that shades the story differently.

Read about this modern day love story. (Dlisted)

Hackers threaten Taylor Swift with releasing titty pics. (TMZ)

Nadja Bender shows off her awesome thumper for Vogue. (Egotastic)

Lady Gaga does yoga in a thong because, Oh God my eyes! (Huffington Post)

Naomi Campbell is still highly fuckable. (Drunken Stepfather)

Hailey Clauson in a bikini is super fucking fappable. (Popoholic)

Kerrie McMahon uses her tits to sell overpriced water. (The Superficial)

Drake’s Dad Is Dirty Old Man

By Matt January 23, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

DD

Drake’s old ass dad, who’s name is Dennis Graham, spends all his time drinking and soliciting handsy photos with any piece of ass in his diminished line of sight and then posting them. Outside of that he is apparently an aspiring musician. He put out a feeler on Instagram saying he was looking for a “Classy female rapper” for a cut. It seems clear he is targeting chicks who think they can get to Drake through questionable mustache dad. Whatever. We both have an agenda here. Let’s talk about the song over a drink. No I don’t have access to a studio or a musical background. I’ll let you see Drake’s old bedroom. You find an angle you better work it. It’s hard out there for a pimp.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Drake Crashes The Stage (VIDEO)

By Matt January 08, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

Comedian Red Grant was on stage doing an impression of Drake at The Comedy Store which entailed dancing nondescriptly to one of Drake’s songs. It is unknown whether he was doing this precisely because Drake was in the audience or if this is one of his signature bits. Drake then got on stage and commented eloquently on the happenings:

“What the fuck impression is that? Who is that shit? That shit is like a Omarion, Chris Brown together shit. That’s not me, man.”

Shit, yeah shit. Fuckin shit is shitty and shit right? Drake actually seemed pretty entertained by the whole thing because it had something to do with him. I’d say for every couple rappers you make fun of on stage there’s an armed assault in the parking lot after the show. You lucked out this time Red, but keep the Suge Knight impression firmly in that back pocket. Fuck it, have a few cocktails and let it fly when you see him. Comedy is supposed to be dangerous right?

Diddy Punches Drake, Nobody Dies, There Is No Santa

By Lex December 09, 2014 @ 11:56 AM

Diddy-at-the-Fountainbleau-Hotel-in-Miami
Rap music was always good for some murders between disrespecting douchebags with bad chin hair and questionable upbringings. Now the best you get is a Twitter feud, maybe a bottle tossing incident at a club with underaged Kardashians if you’re lucky. Sean Combs punched Drake outside a nightclub in Miami apparently because the two had a dispute over the interpretation of some found art projects highlighted at Art Basel earlier in the day. Also Drake still holds a grudge against Diddy for casting shade on his haftarah portion at his Canadian bar mitvah. Diddy apparently yelled out ‘you will never disrespect me’ then punched Drake in the sideburns. The fight was quickly broken up as both entourages simultaneously regretted not going to vocational college and learning a marketable trade. Unfortunately, Rappers have far too much to lose these days to bother shooting each other. Prison is not so bad when your straight out of Compton, less great when you’ve spent the last decade receiving spa treatments in Palm Beach and having girls with warm vaginas begging you to make illegitimate babies. There’s always the chance somebody will stroke out fro stress during one of these pugilistic pose offs. I’ll pray for that.

Drake Better Than The Beatles

By Matt October 06, 2014 @ 7:54 AM

Drake

In stunning confirmation of Satan’s plan to unleash mediocre hacks onto earth to diminish our cultural standards, Drake surpassed The Beatles in number of Top 100 hits. Few over the age of fourteen would argue with a straight face that Drake’s talent comes remotely close to any single Beatle outside of Ringo, or that any of his songs are particularly good. This leads to one conclusion: stupid people like bad shit. The Bad Shit Theory can be proven further when you note that the cast of Glee’s flitty watered down bullshit song covers have attainted nearly three times as many top hits as The Beatles.

A lot of this probably has to do with pussified new age parents who haven’t seen an R rated movie since they had a sex life yet can quote the entire Curious George series on cue. In a quest to mold their children into dull assholes, they shower their kids with Drake CDs and Justin Bieber posters while bragging at PTA meetings how their kids are gifted ever since the state made it illegal to test for IQ distinctions. Adults used to rule this country since they were smarter and had all the money. Power has now shifted to pre pubescent entitled jerks and their former Nickelodeon star lip synching ratchety idols. Anyone looking to protest should hit up a brick and mortar video store for some VHS porn, throw it on the dash of your airbagless Mustang, and hang out in the mall parking lot smoking cigarettes and blaring Metallica. Take back the streets.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Rihanna Is The Devil And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 06, 2014 @ 11:58 AM

Screen Shot 2014-08-06 at 2.43.48 PM

Canadian douche rapper Drake put up a picture of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna with the numbers 666 superimposed on her badger face during one of his shitty concerts. Rappers have basically become the guys who can’t let go of office romances gone bad so they’re eternal dicks about it until somebody has to quit.

Look into the face of the beast. (Huffington Post)

Valerie Van Der Graaf looks all hot writhing around in a bed. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cristina de Pin and her ridiculous booty hang out on the beach. (Hollywood Tuna)

So, Katy Perry is a witch now and is casting love spells. (Dlisted)

Do you want to see Juliana Mueller wearing lingerie in a barn? (Popoholic)

I have been staring at these gifs of Alison Brie’s tits bouncing for the last half hour. (The Chive)

Ana Braga has some big old titty balls. (The Superficial)

(Image Via Instagram)