It’s odd to think that Adrien Brody might be the last bastion of heterosexuality in Hollywood. Who would’ve called that? But apparently he does like chicks, including his girlfriend and these belly dancers in Turkey. His career is probably fucked now that everybody knows he likes the pussy.
James Franco wants to keep working, so he came out today and basically apologized for not being gay.
“I don’t even care if people think I’m gay, so it was like, ‘Awesome!’ I mean, I wish I was … I wish I was gay.” - James Franco to The Daily Beast
I wish James Franco were gay too. I was going to say I wished for world peace or an end to famine in plagued lands, but when I catch that next shooting star, I’m cosmically requesting that James Franco gets a happy mouth full of cock. At least then he will shut the fuck up. Because it’s hard to talk with Adrien Brody’s junk in your gullet.
I’m not homophobic at all, in any way, except in the sense that seeing two guys in a sexual situation might make me throw up. I know that’s probably bad but I can’t help it. I support gay rights in every way, I despise pussies who bully gay kids, but male gay sex really freaks me out. It’s not as awful as ‘Girls’ on HBO, but it’s close.
Point being, if I stumbled upon the fact that I had a natural talent for deep throating things, here’s how I’d handle it:
1. Tell no one; take it to my grave.
Here’s how James Franco handled the same thing:
1. Tell literally the entire world. Or at least the 10 people who even know Details magazine still exists.
In the first of several three-ways, Franco performs some very impressive deep throat on two of his character’s pistols after the girls turn the tables on him and shove them in his mouth.
“Most people can’t get past that gag reflex at the back of the throat,” I say.
“Guess I’m a natural,” he says with a laugh. “It was my first time.”
“So that wasn’t you in Broken Tower (deep-throating a dildo)?”
“Oh shit, you’re right!” Franco’s eyes light up. “It wasn’t my first time.”
“You’re known for going the extra mile, but that was, what, a good eight inches?”
He gives me a get-real look. “That was a dildo.” Then he turns that look back on himself, and I see the real James Franco: “If I’d had the guts, it woulda been real.”
I on the other hand am so insecure that if a doctor tried to save my life by putting an intubator down my throat I’d push his hand away and my last words on earth would be, “knock it off… fag.”
Seth Rogen and James Franco introduce todays red band trailer (meaning it has salty language) for ‘This Is The End’, written and directed by Rogen and his partner (professional, not sexual) Evan Goldberg, by mentioning that the world is supposed to end today according to the Mayan calendar, but I’m not sure if that’s true because this is the first I’ve heard of it. Why hasn’t this been in the news!?! If only there was some way to disseminate insane conspiracy theories, some way to link people from all over, world wide, as if in a web.
In the season premiere of ‘Iconoclasts’ this Tuesday on the Sundance Channel, performance artist Marina Abramovic will cover James Franco’s “naked body in gold leaves, transforming him into a living sculpture reminiscent of a deity.” Or someone that passed out and had nachos smeared on them. It might be that. Especially if she sharpies “COCK GOES HERE” on his face with an arrow pointing at his mouth.
James Franco got a masters degree in filmmaking from NYU last May, and is even expected to teach a class on directing short films at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts this fall, which is surprising because he skipped 12 of his 14 classes on directing and received a “D”. Then he publicly said that professor sucked, right before that professor got fired. Which is why he’s now suing.
José Angel Santana, who has already sued NYU, blasted Franco for making “disparaging and inaccurate public statements.”
“I didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of those falsehoods,” said Santana, who has been a teacher since 1979.
“I was outraged that someone with his attendance record at NYU had the audacity to make those statements.”
Whatever dude. Your class is stupid, directors don’t even do anything. The producers hire everyone, the writers write everything, the director of photography films everything, and the editor turns it all into a story. Being a director is like being a coach in the NBA. “Ohh, hey, Lebron, um, go jump higher than those other guys. Ok, good, now, dunk the ball. Oh yea, he did it, my plan is working!”
(image source of franco at the venice film festival yesterday with rachel korine, vanessa hudgens, selena gomez and ashley benson = getty)
Interview magazine is all about “conversations between some of the most creative minds from the worlds of fashion, art and entertainment”, but apparently no one gives a shit about that snooty nonsense because the May issue has the movie ‘Spring Breakers’ and pictures of Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez handcuffed in bikinis. Personally I’m devastated because I was hoping this issue would tell me what Kathy Griffin thinks about Vera Wang. Now I fear I may never know!