now jon wants to stop the divorce

By brendon September 29, 2009 @ 2:24 PM

SPL128885_004

If TLC was having trouble getting Jon Gosselins attention, the announcement this morning that they were taking his name off ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8’ and essentially firing him seemed to do the trick. Just hours after that announcement, Gosselin has apologized for his public behavior and now maybe doesn’t even want to get divorced. PopEater says…

Jon Gosselin is trying to slow down — if not halt altogether — his divorce from Kate Gosselin, telling In Touch Weekly exclusively:
“I regret my conduct since Kate and I separated … I used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon.”
He’s filed paperwork looking to stall the divorce for 90 days “to regain control over the future of our family.”

Someone better fold a piece of paper into a little fan so Kate doesn’t pass out. This silver-tongued devil just swept her right off her feet. If there’s one thing women can’t resist, it’s when their ex is forced to grovel and gives an empty apology, one that goes against everything he’s said and done for the past three months, because he suddenly needs money. That kind of apology is better than diamonds and flowers and puppies combined.

jude law wants a dna test

By brendon September 29, 2009 @ 1:50 PM

000fp_3687885_barm_burke_samantha_excl_092709

24-year-old model Sam Burke (pictured yesterday in Florida) gave birth to a baby girl last Tuesday, and for months it’s been reported that the father is 36-year-old Jude Law, but now he’s demanding a DNA test. Hopefully through a crooked lab that can be bribed to fix the results. He’s also had meetings with several assassins.

“If he is the father he will meet his obligations to the child. He’s hoping for an early chance to establish that he is genuinely her dad.”
Sam has told friends Jude paid for antenatal care and for the birth, but the friend added: “It was an act of kindness rather than an admission that he was the dad.”
Sam’s representatives are now negotiating a six-figure deal for pictures of the baby, but Jude’s lawyers have asked her not to talk to the media until they agree a financial package if the baby is confirmed as his.

If there were a test to determine that neither one of them should be raising a child, it would be that last paragraph. Just read that out loud. Don’t change a word.

say goodbye to the one on the left

By brendon September 29, 2009 @ 12:28 PM

People Gosselin

I got fired from a volunteer job one time because I kept complaining about everything, but it takes an unprecedented level of jackass to get fired from a job that is based on them. A job built around and named after them. It would be like Darth Vader getting fired from the position of Darth Vader. Hey guess what happened to Jon Gosselin today…

Jon Gosselin’s role on Jon & Kate Plus 8 is being dramatically scaled back and the show will be renamed Kate Plus 8.
Jon’s relationship with TLC has been strained for months and the fallout of Jon’s often bizarre and inappropriate behavior seems to have resulted in the network changing direction.
“Given the recent changes in the family dynamics, it only makes sense for us to refresh and recalibrate the program to keep pace with the family. The family has evolved and we are attempting to evolve with it; we feel that Kate’s journey really resonates with our viewers,” reps for TLC said in a statement.

The ratings for the show have fallen 84 percent since they announced their divorce in June, so something had to be done.  Of course Kate is a mean unlikeable bitch too, so god knows why this would help. They should just do a ‘Lord of the Flies’ thing and abandon the kids on an island and film that. Aaden will be the Piggy of the group. Mady will be the Jack. Don’t be fooled, that bitch is ambitious and will let nothing stand in her way.

kanye may be going to rehab

By brendon September 29, 2009 @ 10:31 AM

58339017

There are rumors that Kanye West may be headed to rehab (the treatment enter, not the Hard Rock pool bar), mostly because of the pictures showing him killing a bottle of Hennessey just before he rather politely interrupted Taylor Swift at the VMAs.

Star magazine and other publications are reporting that West is blaming alcohol for his breach in decorum, and that as soon as West wraps his “Fame Kills” tour with Lady Gaga this January, he’ll head to rehab.
West hasn’t blogged about it, there was no comment from his camp, and friends close to West say it’s not true, so maybe this is just a slow news week.

Hopefully in rehab they can address why he’s such a wuss. He scurried off that stage like a little girl being chased by a bee.

afternoon headlines

By brendon September 28, 2009 @ 6:03 PM

0fp_3684754_ang_polanski_archives_092709

ROMAN POLANSKI – has been wanted in the United States since 1977, when he pled guilty to raping a 13-year-old girl. He fled to France before sentencing and has been free ever since, but was was arrested over the weekend in Switzerland and is now facing extradition. Of course he’s outraged by this. “He was shocked, dumbfounded, but he is in a fighting mood and he is very determined to defend himself.” Hopefully the Swiss are real sarcastic and they drug him so he can’t defend himself. Oh and also then they rape him.  (ap)

BEAUTIFUL LIFE - the CW show starring Mischa Barton and produced by Ashton Kutcher has been cancelled after just two episodes because of low ratings. This is surprising because everyone loves Ashton Kutcher. I’m still trying to see ‘Spread’, but every time I go the line is way too long. (e online)

ASHLEY GREENE – of Twilight was somewhere this weekend, doing something. I started to investigate what but then she looked into the camera like it was her secret lover and I realized I didn’t care. (hq jump here)

a cause we can believe in

By brendon September 28, 2009 @ 1:53 PM

I’ve been saying for years that the best way to raise awareness for breast cancer is to show hot girls with big boobs, and if they’re wet well then that’s even better.  And now Canadian MTV host Aliya-Jasmine Sovani has done just that in this ad to promote a breast cancer fundraiser.

She took a good idea and made it even better.  Her idea was for her to star in the PSA and have lots of close-ups of her breasts.  My idea was to pretend to be the cable guy and install hidden cameras in Katy Perrys shower.

the pictures

By brendon September 28, 2009 @ 1:09 PM

SPL127551_002

Some pictures from Khloe Kardashians wedding are finally being released, and they really capture the magic of girls with big asses mulling around aimlessly while TV cameras record them. The only big stars to attend were Kobe Bryant and Ryan Seacrest, who somehow managed to light himself for the pictures. Other than that it was pretty dull. Which hopefully means we will never have to speak of this again.

the snl girl wont be fired

By brendon September 28, 2009 @ 12:18 PM

Saturday Night Live announced that new cast member Jenny Slate will not be fired after she said “fuckin” on live TV, during her very first SNL appearance.

While SNL aired live on the East Coast, producers bleeped Slate’s mistake with “freakin’” for West Coast airings.
Still, show executives were less than thrilled about Slate’s slip and had a big meeting after the show.
“It was a very big deal that the F-word hit the air,” the source said.  Because the slip up occurred about 12:40 a.m., well after prime time, “SNL” is not expected to face fines from the FCC.

It defies belief that this show is still on the air with Lorne Michaels in charge. They have an army of writers and at best they produce one funny idea a week. This biker chick sketch is so awful and uncomfortable, they might as well have shown a 4 minute montage of little kids being told they have cancer.