the 82nd academy awards live blog (update)

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 5:00 AM

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(MONDAY MORNING UPDATE – now adding all the relevant video)

1:50pm - “live blogging” combines all the boredom of an awards show with all the tediousness of reading. Could someone please tell me why the hell I’m obligated to do this kind of thing.

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or maybe it was christine hendricks

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 3:52 AM

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Christine Hendricks was one of the many big stars at Elton Johns party after the Academy Awards, and I should love her because she has red hair and huge tits and those are my favorite things ever, but for some reason I don’t. It’s not one thing. It’s a bunch of things that are just slightly too much. Her ass is too big and she’s too pale and her hair looks like a wig and she wears her makeup weird. It’s almost like looking at an x-rated snowman.

(picture source = getty images)

hilary swank was tonights big winner

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 2:57 AM

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Some people say Hilary Swank isn’t sexy, and by “some people” I mean “straight men”, but she wore one of the hottest dresses in a long time to the Vanity Fair party after the Academy Awards.

And on top of that, she was even nice enough to wear a fancy necklace so you could pretend like you weren’t staring at her tits. “Oh my gosh, is that a dreamcatcher? Wow that is so interesting. And … as I move closer, yeah wow look at that, it really catches the light. That is so neat.”

(picture source = getty images)

mel b looked fantastic

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 2:17 AM

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Melanie Brown went all out and looked really good for Eltons Johns Academy Award party, one of the three big parties held after the show. The other two are the Governors Ball and the Vanity Fair party. Of the three, I would guess Eltons has the best bathroom stall glory holes.

(picture source = getty images)

so what was the “kanye moment” all about?

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 12:17 AM







The Academy Awards went almost exactly as expected last night, except for the part when the clearly humbled black guy was thanking everyone for his documentary award and then some loudmouthed bitch interrupted him saying he never lets a woman talk. She proceeded to run her cunty mouth for two minutes and never let the black guy talk.

So what was that? Salon talked to both of them, first the miserable loudmouth bitch.

“What happened was the director and I had a bad difference over the direction of the film that resulted in a lawsuit that has settled amicably out of court. But there have been all these events around the Oscars, and I wasn’t invited to any of them. And he’s not speaking to me. So we weren’t even able to discuss ahead of the time who would be the one person allowed to speak if we won.
The movie was my idea. I live in Zimbabwe. Roger had never even heard of Zimbabwe before I told him about this. And you know, I felt my role in this has been denigrated again and again, and it wasn’t going to let it happen this time.”

Yeah that’s definitely what it looked like. Like this poor old lady was steamrolled again and again by the effeminate black man. With that sweet lullaby of a voice, you could tell she’s not the type to yell or cause a scene, but this time they pushed her too far. They should make a documentary about her. And call it, ‘The Cuntiest Woman Who Ever Lived’. If nothing else a lot of guys will mistakenly rent it on pay per view.

jessica simpson is dating … someone.

By brendon March 05, 2010 @ 8:01 PM

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Last weekend Jessica Simpson was seen at a Dane Cook show in Hollywood, causing people to wonder if they were maybe, um, “dating” again. Then yesterday People said this about Jess and ‘The Hurt Locker’ star Jeremy Renner at a party in Beverly Hills…

“Jeremy spent the night hitting on Jessica like crazy,” the source says. “They were really flirting up a storm.”
“Jessica loved it!” When the party was over, the two exchanged numbers, entering them into their phones.

Which must be news to Billy Corgan, who is quoted on Rolling Stone today saying this about Jessica…

“If I go, ‘Oh, we’re just friends,’ then it’s like, ‘Did they go out, did he dump her or she dump him, what happened?’ It has nothing to do with any of that. Sometimes people just like being around each other, and good things come out of that. My goal in life is to love whoever I think is worth loving, and I think if people knew her like I knew her, they would love her like I do. It’s really simple.”

Between this and the John Mayer thing and Oprah, there sure are a lot of people worrying about Jessica and trying to see if she’s comfortable and happy with her life these days. Oh, and I’m fine too, ya know, not that you bothered to ask. Jeez. What am I, invisible.

sofia vergara was see-thru. apparently.

By brendon March 05, 2010 @ 7:23 PM

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I guess I was so consumed by the sight of her amazing boobs that I never even considered that Sofia Vergaras dress from yesterday might have been see-thru. In my defense it’s just barely see thru, and the only people who find that kind of thing are lonely nerds with nothing better to do than scan dozens of pictures in desperate hopes of seeing what might be a pair of panties. And so that’s what I did. OMG you can totally see her panties!!!!

bouncy bouncy

By brendon March 05, 2010 @ 5:56 PM

Kourtney & Khloe Kardashian Arriving At Dash In Miami With Baby

Everyone agrees that pregnant women are gross and creepy looking, so even though Kourtney Kardashian has always been the hottest Kardashian (she even makes out with other girls) when there was some kind of animal living inside of her and feeding off her as its host, her ranking slipped far below Kim Kardashian, who was coincidentally getting into the best shape of her life at the same time.

But now Kourtney has been cured, and the only lasting effects of her sickness is that her breasts are now three times bigger. Her body really has snapped right back. Unlike Britney for example, who looked like a monster after being pregnant because she ate so much junk food that her babies got cool ranch flavored breast milk.

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