Selena Gomez is in a bikini, then naked

By brendon August 01, 2011 @ 10:05 AM


That headline is a blatant lie, by the way, but it really helps my google placement when I have the words “selena gomez” and “bikini” and “naked” in a headline. I tried to work in “blowjob” too but I don’t have that much headline space. Someone needs to look into that.

If it’s any consolation she did wear a little bikini at her hotel pool in Orlando yesterday, and then untied the straps when she laid on her stomach. So did I use photoshop to crop the pictures and zoom in on her ass and cleavage with serial killer like precision?

I think we both know the answer to that. (Hint: the answer is yes, followed by an exclamation point.)

(image source = splash)

Batman fights Bane outside a courthouse, apparently

By brendon August 01, 2011 @ 1:29 AM


‘The Dark Knight Rises’ filmed in Pittsburgh over the weekend, and if you liked the first two Christopher Nolan Batman movies but thought they needed more fighting on courthouse steps, good news, because that shit totally happens in the third one. Specifically Batman fighting Bane on some steps. And though he’s not listed by the paparazzi agency and I can’t find any mention of him, that also looks like the first picture of Joseph Gordon Levitt, who plays a beat cop named John Blake.

Oh, um, “spoiler alert”.

Actually, after that Marion Cotillard arrived and ruined all kinds of shit that I probably didn’t want to know about, so, seriously, THERE MAY BE HEAVY SPOILERS HERE. Don’t keep reading if you don’t want to know.

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Jasmine Waltz is dead to me

By brendon August 01, 2011 @ 12:02 AM


Jasmine Waltz had a bikini photo shoot on the beach in Malibu yesterday, and I really hope this is just some horrific make-up because when she jumped out of the tabloids and into my heart less than a year ago, she looked like Megan Fox.

Now, her ass still looks great but I don’t know what the hell is going on with her face. Not only should her plastic surgeon have his license taken away, but they should slam his hands in a car door.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Victoria Silvstedt bought a new hat

By brendon July 29, 2011 @ 6:03 PM


The sad part is that even if she wasn’t in a bikini, today has been so slow that Victoria Silvstedt buying a hat suddenly seems exciting. But luckily she was in a bikini this afternoon on a beach in St. Tropez, and I don’t care what anyone says, I think she might be the hottest middle aged prostitute in the entire world. It’s a controversial stand I take, but go ahead, prove me wrong.

(image source = bauer griffin)

its the secret Captain America / Avengers footage

By brendon July 29, 2011 @ 4:05 PM

If you’ve seen ‘Captain America’ by now, you know that it ends with the first look at ‘the Avengers’. And if you havent seen it by now, um, well it ends with the first look at ‘the Avengers’. But why sit through an entire movie (like a fool!) when you can use the internet to see Thor throw a hammer in the woods today, right now! Why is he throwing a hammer? Because fuck those trees, that’s why.

(HD copies here)

Lady Gaga is a daywalker

By brendon July 29, 2011 @ 2:10 PM


Lady Gaga was being all Lady Gaga-like yesterday for an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show, first by rehearsing in nothing but a bra, panties and whatever the hell those tights things are, then by making herself look like a old timey movie vampire. And when she saw Jimmy backstage, she looked into his eyes and held up the palm of her hand to hypnotize him. And in a heavy Transylvanian accent she said, “Jeemy Keemel, come to me! Your vill is strong Jeemy Keemel, but soon you vill join me and the cheeldren ov the night!” I swear to God that really happened. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it before now.

(image source = fame)

Mitch Winehouse is on top of the world

By brendon July 29, 2011 @ 12:36 PM


Mitch Winehouse has been having the time of his life ever since that spotlight-stealing daughter of his finally died. He’s been going on TV, and doing interviews, and last night he held a party at Amy’s favorite bar (the Jazz After Dark in London). Because that’s a completely appropriate way to mourn someone who drank themselves to death 5 days ago. “God I wish she had died when she still had all her money,” he probably thought to himself. “But nooo, Little Mary Live-A-Lot had to drag that shit out for 5 years, like some kind of white-trash Rasputin.”

(image source = pacific coast and fame)

Ashley Green is part of an awesome trend

By brendon July 29, 2011 @ 9:00 AM


Just a few hours after Kourtney Kardashian went shopping yesterday on Melrose, dressed in a flimsy and awesomely short skirt (shorts?), Ashley Green wore something almost identical in Beverly Hills. And both outfits had floral prints on them that were so astoundingly ugly that if flowers actually looked like that, people would burn them wherever they appeared.

So either this is my favorite new fashion trend, or it’s just a cool coincidence. Or it could also be that Ashley and Kourtney are secret lovers, and they spent Wednesday night fucking each other senseless in a room full of whips and blindfolds and straps to tie each other down, and vibrators so powerful that the lights dim when they plug them in, and then the next morning one of them just grabbed something out of the closet because her clothes from the night before were all sweaty and ripped and burned.

In case it wasn’t clear, of the three scenarios, my preference is that last one.

(image source = pacific coast and fame)