MARCIA CROSS IS A MAN

By brendon August 25, 2008 @ 8:29 AM

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!  (full size pic here, source = splash news)

AMERICAN IDOL GETS A NEW JUDGE

By brendon August 25, 2008 @ 7:14 AM

After the lowest ratings ever last year, American Idol is mixing things up this season and adding a fourth judge.  She is songwriter Kara DioGuardi, and she’s written songs for Britney, Gwen Stefani, Pink, Leona Lewis, and Nicole whats-her-name from the Pussycat Dolls (pictured above) among others.  Although I looked at the list (on her website here) and I’ve only heard of one of these fuckin songs, and that one sucked.  So I guess you could say I’m not impressed.  Anyway, Us magazine says,

DioGuardi will appear at the judges' table with Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson on the eighth season of the hit show, which premieres in January.
“We are turning the heat up on Idol this year and are thrilled to welcome Kara to the judges' table," show creator and executive producer Simon Fuller said in a statement.
"She is a smart, sassy lady, and one of America's most successful songwriters. We know she will bring a new level of energy and excitement to the show," Fuller added.

Oh it's working already Mr. Fuller.  This has added so much excitement I can barely control my breathing.  I can’t believe they got Kara Diogardy.  They must have paid her a fortune.  Karla DioGarmi will bring in viewers by the dozen.  "Boy that Tara D’Gwardi really had something to say", people will exclaim.



NO ONE CARES ABOUT HER STUPID FOOT

By brendon August 25, 2008 @ 6:36 AM

Kim Kardashian slashed her foot open on a glass coffee table and was rushed to the hospital last night in New York.  TMZ says…

No word on how many stitches she needed, but a source tells TMZ there was "so much blood, it looked like a murder scene. (*)"

TMZ goes on to say the accident may jeopardize Kim’s place on this seasons "Dancing With The Stars".  But let's hope not.  Seeing Kim make it on broadcast television would be a ray of hope to little girls everywhere.  At least little girls whose plans include fucking black guys on tape and then releasing it to the public so they can be famous.

(* note – maybe not the greatest analogy if you’re talking about Kim Kardashian, who was rich because her dad was OJs defense lawyer after he chopped off his wifes head.)



VANESSA HUDGENS IS ADORABLE

By brendon August 22, 2008 @ 11:27 AM

I haven’t had to stand up in a dress as many times as you might think, but it looks like something I could do.  Without flashing my underwear.  I hope this doesn’t sound like I'm bragging.  (picture source = pacific coast news)



BOOBS AND RED BULL. GUESS WHO.

By brendon August 22, 2008 @ 10:30 AM

Does that gas station have a hair salon and MAC counter in it, because Lindsay Lohan stepped out of it and looked amazing.  Cigarettes, Red Bull and Cheezits must be packed with vitamins.

NO ONE LIKES KATIE HOLMES OR SOMETHING

By brendon August 22, 2008 @ 8:33 AM

Katie Holmes is just beginning her first run on Broadway in the Author Miller play, "All My Sons".  It stars John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest, Patrick Wilson and Katie, and it’s about a guy selling defective plane parts in WWII, yet for some reason Katie is the one getting blamed for poor ticket sales.  MSNBC says…

One needs to look no further than the successes of “A Chorus Line” and “Spamalot” for proof that celebrities sell Broadway tickets, but in the case of “All My Sons,” that rule might not necessarily apply.
Ticket sales for the show, which stars Katie Holmes and Patrick Wilson, are thus far “definitely off from what the production hoped,” according to a source close to “Sons.” It’s hard to know what exactly is to blame.
“You can’t say it’s the economy,” says the source, “because there are shows, like ‘Mamma Mia’ that are selling out.” One possibility bandied about is that audiences are too nostalgic for Holmes’ “Dawson’s Creek” persona to clamor for tickets. “It’s not that Katie’s bad in the part. She’s good enough. The producers are just getting the feeling people still want to view Katie as sweet little Joey Potter.”

WTF are they talking about?  It’s a drama about dead kids and romance and airplane parts.  This shit is boring, that’s not Katie’s fault.  Put her in a play called "Tits Ahoy" if you wanna sell some tickets.

YOU CAN MEET AUDRINA FOR $4,250

By brendon August 22, 2008 @ 6:22 AM

The website charityfolks.com has an auction up where you can bid on a dream vacation to LA for the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards.  You get to walk the red carpet, attend the VMAs and even meet Audrina from "the Hills".  Be still my heart.

Be a true VIP when you experience the glitz and glamour of the MTV Video Music Awards & After Party in Los Angeles on September 7, 2008!  Stay in the heart of downtown LA in a Huge Room at The Standard, Downtown LA, meet some of your favorite stars and more!  This once-in-a-lifetime package includes:
* 2 Tickets to the VMA Awards
* 2 Tickets to the Ultra-Exclusive VMA After Party
* Walk Down the Red Carpet
* Meet and Greet with Audrina from The Hills
* 3 Night Stay in a Huge Room at The Standard, Downtown LA

Wow that really would be a dream vacation.  As it turns out, my dream is to wander anonymously amongst people who don’t know or like me.  I was gonna travel back in time to relive four years of high school, but this seems much more practical.

SPORTY GOT KNOCKED UP

By brendon August 22, 2008 @ 6:07 AM

Melanie Chisholm, way better known as Sporty Spice, is pregnant with her first child.  She and her boyfriend for the past 6 years made the announcement on her website.  People magazine says…

"Some happy news," she wrote. "I can now announce that Tom and I are expecting a baby and we are very happy."  Baby buzz building began last week, when Chisholm wore a baggy dress during a show in Liverpool last week.

Sometimes I feel like People magazine is just fucking with me.  Did it?  Did “baby buzz” start to build last week when she wore a baggy dress in Liverpool?  Is that how it went?   Because if anything baby related gets you attention, expect Paris Hilton to take pictures of hers one day inside a pentagram of its own blood.