what a sexy easter

By brendon April 13, 2009 @ 4:05 AM

It was a mostly traditional Easter egg hunt in Beverly Hills yesterday, where Kate Beckinsale wore bunny ears and a fluffy white tail.  “Traditional” in the sense that the women hid easter eggs and candy, but different because every guy had to hide something too.  Namely, their resentment because their wife doesn't look like this, and also their erections, perhaps with a hat or, if they can, the life-saving tuck-it-under-the-belt move.

By the way little dude, I’m pretty sure boys aren’t supposed to go to Easter egg hunts dressed as a Transformer, and I’m 100 percent sure they’re not supposed to wear bunny ears.  I wish I had been there so I could have called him Optimus Fag all day.  And I don’t mean “been there as an 8-year-old”, I mean now. 

(image source = pacific coast)

lindsay got replaced already

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 2:08 PM

I’ve never been dumped of course, but I bet when you are you at least like to think that the other person is sitting at home crying, miserable and alone.  I know that’s what Lindsay Lohan is thinking.  Unfortunately for her Sam is doing the 100 percent opposite of that.

A source at the Chateau Marmont says Sam was ''clearly with another woman — somewhat of a Lindsay look-alike, but with very dark hair … They sure looked very cozy, if you know what I mean.''
Another Ronson pal reports a mystery woman named ''Cindy'' — and matching the description of the Ronson date at the Friday night fete — was seen coming out of Ronson's Los Angeles home on Sunday.

I wonder if that's why Lindsay dyed her hair dark this week.  If Sam wants a Lindsay look-alike with dark hair, maybe Lindsay thinks she could look like this Lindsay look-alike with dark hair, if only she (Lindsay 1) dyes her hair dark (like Lindsay 2).  It’s a dumb plan of course, but remember this: Lindsay is an idiot.  Never underestimate the power of shitty thinking.

wtf is reese wearing

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 2:07 PM

Knights used to try to chop off each others heads with less protection than Reese Witherspoon used to shag a fly ground balls yesterday in Culver City.  People who test bulletproof vests don’t wear anything over their face, yet for some reason Reese needed all this to save her from the giant ball rolling toward her in the grass.  Ironically she can’t seem to see the damn ball, meaning this mask actually forces you to get hit in the face because you can't see anything, and will probably fall down in the balls path. This “safety equipment” only invites more danger.  It would be like you put on pads to go into a tiger cage, but you couldn't find any real pads so you instead you made some pants out of meat.

(image source = pacific coast)

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 11:34 AM

ED WESTWICK - the Gossip Girl star has apparently gotten so fat they had to buy an entirely new wardrobe for the show.  This could be a real problem, especially if some magic spell causes more than 300 people on earth to know who that fuck is.  (source = imdb)

GORE VERBINSKI – the director of Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2 and 3 announced that he will not be directing number 4, set to be released in 2010.  Johnny Depp is signed to star, but Keira Knightley has also said she will not be returning.  Let's cross our fingers that producers can still make a 3-hour nonsensical aimless mess without them.  (source = variety)

ADRIANA LIMA – I don’t mean to brag, but I think I would have noticed if Adriana had 32G breasts before, as she appears to in the March issue of El Pais Semanal magazine.  Adriana Lima is good to go, she doesn't need to be “improved” with photoshop. If anything this is just distracting.  It would be like putting a hat on a girl to make the blow-job better.

madonna is moving to africa. sorta.

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 10:09 AM

Even though the government there told her to F off last week when she tried to adopt a little girl, Madonna is said to be building a home in the African nation of Malawi.  The Sun says…

(She) has instructed her architects to draw up plans for a home in the African country, as she believes adopted son David would benefit from a connection to his birthplace.
“Madonna has a big, beautiful plot of land over there already. She’s planning to build a girl’s school in the Chinkhota village and those designs are well under way.  But she’s gone back to the designers and asked if they could accommodate a family home on the plot or on adjacent land.”

Oh what the fuck ever Madonna.  Here’s the answer: No.  No, David would not benefit from a connection to his birthplace, because his birthplace is a jungle of monkey attacks, genocide and science-fiction type plagues.  What the hell is he supposed to learn from that, heart pounding fear?

audrina might have had work done

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 8:27 AM

Say what you will about Audrina Patridge, but that bitch is cool under pressure.  Someone asked her if she’s had any plastic surgery, and she looked them square in the eye and said no.  And they asked a follow up, and said it again.  She's like a serial killer.

"People think I've got my nose done. My chin done. I just laugh at it. I'm just losing my baby fat – everyone grows up and changes."
"There's always rumors.  People are always going to point things out and it's entertainment. It's funny. Doesn't bother me. Goes in one ear, out the other. I read it, forget it."

Yeah.  Nose.  Chin.  That's what everyone is always sayin.  Oh and also there's this.  From this to this.  I have to believe she was only asked her face, but still.  You would have thought this reporter would have been able to wring the truth out of her, but I guess it's sort of implied that if your job is to interview people like Audrina, you're kind of a doofus.  His previous set of questions was probably with poison control because he ate the packet that came inside his new shoes again.

rachel sterling is popular

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 6:00 AM

That banner picture is from a set taken Wednesday night entitled “Rachel Sterling glowing as she steps out in Hollywood with boyfriend JC Chasez.”  Those picture are mixed in below with pictures from a set taken last Wednesday called “Simon Rex and Rachel Sterling are a new couple.”  I don’t know why Rachel Sterling has two boyfriends, but I don’t know why she has the exact same outfit and bag two Wednesdays in a row either.  I don’t know much as it turns out, including what a proton does or why dogs have wet noses.  I do know she’s super hot, and an actress who first got popular as a Juggy on “The Man Show”.  If you were wondering how one might get a job as a Juggy, I would recommend looking awesome topless (like this – 1, 2, 3, 4 – or this).  Another good idea would be to stop doing softcore porn pictures under the name “Angel Veil”, like this for example.  A final good idea would to be have sex with me, which might somehow help in some fashion.  Kharma?   

(source = splash news and pacific coast)

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 2:54 PM

CELINE DION – is in talks to buy the NHL’s Montreal Canadians.  And maybe after that Bette Middler can buy the UFC, and we’ll just fag up all the good sports one by one.  (source = reuters)

KANYE WEST – "South Park" ripped him apart last night, and on his blog he wrote that it hurt his feelings, and "I JUST WANT TO BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM."  Actually a better way to start would be to turn off the GD caps lock key.  (source = the ap)

JENNIFER LOPEZ – she has so many wigs she has a room just for them.  "Jennifer keeps the door locked and hardly ever lets anyone in the room, not even Marc.  The shelves on the walls are full of plastic heads holding the best hairpieces money can buy."  Talk about crazy.  A Puerto Rican woman in a wig?!  Now I’ve heard everything. (source = star and wenn)