Cameron Diaz is ripped, ugly

By brendon February 18, 2011 @ 9:43 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Cameron Diaz & Alex Rodriguez Leaving A Gym

Cameron Diaz and her lover Alex Rodriguez spent some time at a gym in Venice yesterday, and HOLY SHIT. I haven’t seen arms that ripped since I looked in the mirror about 10 minutes ago. Now I know what girls must feel like when they see me on the weekends, out on the ranch, with my shirt off, and my sweaty muscles glistening in the sun as I work with abused horses. And they come up and tell me, “wow, those horses sure are lucky to have someone like you.” But you know who the lucky one really is? It’s me, my friends. It’s me.

(image source = flynet)

afternoon headlines

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 6:24 PM

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SHERLOCK HOLMES 2 – will officially be called, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. A title which is just barely better than having no title at all. (mtv)

CRAIG MORGAN – is a country singer, apparently, and he saved two kids from a house that was on fire. “The lady who owned the home came out with a fire extinguisher. I tried to put it out but it didn’t work.” It was then that the lady told Morgan that her children were inside. But at least she saved the fire extinguisher. (fox)

MEGAN FOX – filmed some snowboarding scenes today for Friends with Kids with Jon Hamm. Needless to say she looked great. Which makes sense considering that she was practically named “Mega Fox”.

JWoww wants to pose for Playboy again

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 5:38 PM

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Back in September, JWoww was offered $400,000 to pose fully naked in Playboy. Amazingly, and I say that because I assume she’s kind of slutty, she turned it down.

But not for good, as it turns out. E! says…

“…I do feel like it’s a strong thing for women to do. And as long as they cover up certain parts, I’m good,” she laughed. “We have to cover up the vajajay cooka. And then it’s like, Why not? You see my boobs out half the time anyway.”

Yes, exactly. So what’s the point. It’s Playboy. If she’s not gonna take her clothes off, why bother. If strategically placed hands were so great, I could have spent my teens jacking off to ads for dishwashing liquid.

(image source = getty)

The Kardashians made $65 million last year

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 4:30 PM

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The Kardashians don’t actually do anything of course, and you could very definitely argue they would be doing even less if Kim didn’t have really big tits and make a sex tape, but she does and she did, and so now the Hollywood Reporter says the family grossed a collective 65 million dollars in 2010.

These days, Kim reportedly charges as much as $25,000 to mention a brand in a tweet — and most family members include a “Twitter clause” in their contracts.
One talent wrangler tells THR that Kim can charge up to $100,000 to $250,000 to appear at an event — and even $1 million abroad.
Jenner isn’t shy about how long she’d like to sustain her brood’s success. “My fantasy is to have Keeping Up With Kardashians, Season 26…Who knew it would be this profitable? I should have had more kids.”

Ok that last part was a little chilling, but not nearly as disturbing as the fact that the Kardashians made more than Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock and Tom Cruise, combined. Stunning, right? So take that Sandra Bullock! Look at you, talkin shit the whole time. Not so tough now, are you!

this is how Karissa Shannon changes a tire

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 2:38 PM

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Karissa Shannon and her drug dealer boyfriend Sam Jones got a flat tire yesterday, and to make matters worse, it was raining too. So to make sure her shirt didn’t get wet, Karissa took it off and changed the tire in her bra.

The bad news is that these might be the laziest staged photos we’ve ever seen.

The good news is that these two almost certainly died about a mile after getting back into the car because I question how much torque she’s getting on that wrench while standing 3 feet away and bent over with her legs straight, or while pushing her tits together. I’m no mechanic but that really doesn’t look right.

(image source = pacific coast)

Lady Gaga is better like this

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 1:13 PM

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And by “like this” I mean facing the other way and essentially naked from the back. Because like this she looks pretty good. Unfortunately she has to turn around at some point.

If we were having sex, and she was on her hands and knees, and then she looked back at me over her shoulder, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that I would scream.

(image source = inf daily and pacific coast)

Adrianne Palicki is our new Wonder Woman

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 10:23 AM

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Deadline says today that Adrianne Palicki of Friday Night Lights has not only won the role of Wonder Woman in the new NBC series, but she was the only actress even invited to test for it.

Unfortunately that’s not Palicki in the headline. That’s Denise Milani. Palicki is apparently a good actress, HitFix seems to think she’s perfect for this, but it won’t really matter.

Let’s not kid each other; Wonder Woman is pretty useless. Her only weapon is a lasso. A rope, with a hoop on the end. You ever been in a bad neighborhood and thought, “man, if only I had a rope with a hoop on the end right now.” If your baby calf is running away, there’s no one more qualified to help than Wonder Woman. Other than that she’s basically a tall Hooters waitress who took some tae-bo classes.

This show is actually fascinating because it could be one of the most shockingly bad and confusing shows to ever air on television. The Daily Beast got a copy of the script for the pilot, and suffice to say that Diana Prince/Wonder Woman is a bit different now.

Los Angeles-based mega-billionaire Diana—who collects planes and a multitude of transforming aircraft called “Ultimates” (no invisible plane in sight here)—as she attempts to take down an evil pharmaceutical company run by morally corrupt scientist Veronica Cale, who is mass-producing a human-growth hormone that is causing its users, mostly black inner city youth, to die. Along the way, she tackles criminals, a Senate subcommittee, and a broken heart, the latter courtesy of lost love Steve Trevor.

She also has some third identity; “mousy assistant Diana Price”.

Go ahead and read that again you want. You can read it every day until you’re a hundred and it’s still not gonna make an ounce of sense. I was hoping they’d at least cast some hot piece of ass with big tits. Like they did with Lynda Carter. I’d watch a home movie about my girlfriend being gangbanged if they stuck a topless picture of Lynda Carter in the corner. But no. No they didn’t do that.

afternoon headlines

By brendon February 16, 2011 @ 7:43 PM

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AMANDA SEYFRIED – moved into a new house today, but without the help of her boyfriend Ryan Phillipe. Probably because he was busy hitting on Rihanna. But what do you expect, he’s not magic, he can’t be in two places at once. Be reasonable. (us.com)

GLEE – has only been on the air for 2 seasons, but they’ve now had 113 songs on the Billboard Top 100, breaking the previous record of 108, held by Elvis. Hopefully this little fact won’t get mentioned in a Memphis hate crime trial at some point. (e!)

HALLE BERRY – and her ex Gabriel Aubry have reached an amicable custody arrangement for their daughter. At least that’s what the headline implied. I got pretty bored after that. (huff post)

VANESSA HUDGENS – gets it. Even in New York, in February, she still wears really short dresses that show off her legs. But not too short. Hopefully someone was nice enough to point out that you can’t see her vagina, even if you look really hard. I bet she would appreciate that.