Khloe Kardashian Bottom Dwelling

By Lex September 01, 2015 @ 9:25 AM

Khloe Kardashian Big Booty In Super Tight Dress
I don’t know the precise construction of ass, but at some point if you keep pumping it full of saline and evaporated fat, it’s going to explode like any other container. Khloe Kardashian may have spotted an opening in the family whore tote board race to the Cadillac, but she’s playing with physics fire. That diaper she’s wearing isn’t going to do squat to limit the blast radius. Clear a three block perimeter and send in the RC robot to detonate that shit burger. O.J. can make more daughters.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Tyga Wrote a Song About Underaged Pussy (VIDEO)

By Lex September 01, 2015 @ 9:08 AM

Tyga wrote a song about how ‘Stimulated’ he gets for teen pussy. It’s a love song of sorts for Kylie Jenner who tries to appear natural in the video even as her low credit score rapper boyfriend is scratching out Jared Fogle inspired lyrics on his detective notepad.

They say she young, I shoulda waited
She a big girl, dog, when she stimulated
She a big girl, dog
I’m gonna do what the fuck I wanna do when I wanna do
She a big girl, dog
I’m puttin’ in, I’m penetratin
I’m gettin’ big, I’m stimulated.

Now that it’s in music video format, everybody can act up in arms about the statutory rape that nobody cared about before. It’s Calabasas, Jake. Mom wants her kids to fuck for fame. Vagina Dad wants to eat crackers off a dick. And Child Protective Services doesn’t care to remember the entry codes at gated communities. Why not write a song about fucking teen girls? Call it My Baby Making Black Thunder Cock Is Banging White High School Girls and You Can’t Do Shit. You’ve already won. Take a lap.

Britney Spears Still Built Like a Brick Shithouse

By Lex September 01, 2015 @ 7:50 AM

Britney Spears Showy Performance In Las Vegas
Britney Spears spent six months on hiatus from her Vegas show to work out, make smart nutrition a part of her lifestyle, and attend her boys’ soccer games without a bra to remind the neighbors she once filled the Tokyo Dome. She still looks thick. Maybe it’s the settling effect. Or the costumes. Something isn’t working. It’s possible that Mississippi just sticks something voodoo fierce. She could be absorbing fat through a subterranean network of tubes acting much like a virtual grease trap. Or it’s the Cool Whip. Some things you can’t dance away. Leave dad his thirty percent at the door. Nobody gets skinny in the asylum.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton DJs Polish Fashion Week

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 12:26 PM

Paris Hilton DJs Polish Fashion Week
Paris Hilton flew into Poland where she’s the big name get for Poland Fashion Week. The previous big get at Poland Fashion Week was a billy goat that looked strikingly like Lech Walesa. Hilton DJed the big pre-show party, pressing the PLAY button and holding her hands up to her headphones to hear her Galaxy text to speech read all the dirty emails from her Polish suitors. Hilton just dropped her 18th signature fragrance onto the market certifying her commercial stink as the most purchased celebrity scent in the history of all things bought by people with image problems. She can’t lose for winning. Money can’t buy you a tracking retina, but it can pay for a pretty sweet mixing board with lots of controls that guy at Radio Shack told you never to touch. Every time you hate Paris Hilton, she makes another dollar. Still cheaper than loving her. Either way, you get herpes. Save your money.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

The Tits Of The VMAs

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 11:48 AM

Miley Cyrus 2015 MTV VMAS
Nothing says pay no attention to the crappy music in the background like taped up, strung up, and largely revealed tits. Stop looking at my cold sores. Have you seen my tits? Last nights VMAs set a new record for tits. Singers showed off their tits. Actresses showed off their tits. Whatever Chrissy Teigen is showed off her tits. Britney Spears tits were so dominant hardly anybody noticed Kuato emerging from her knees. Who dies next on MTV? Nobody with tits if everything is running smoothly.

Photo Credit: Getty

The Hulkster Is Sad And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 31, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

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WWE legend and black person hater Hulk Hogan is sad because people think he’s a racist because he said all those racist things. He got so down he contemplated suicide. He really thinks all men are brothers, brother.

He’s been body slammed by life. (TMZ)

Carla Gugino gets her boobs squeezed on Masters of Sex. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Apple and Tidal are fighting over Drake…whhhhyyyy? (Dlisted)

Raiders’ cheerleader Jennifer Embler is hot as fuck. (Busted Coverage)

Gigi Hadid bikinis because it’s her job. (COED)

Chloe Moretz in a short skirt makes me think bad thoughts. (Drunken Stepfather)

Kim Kardashian looks like a slut alien in C magazine. (Hollywood Tuna)

Justin Bieber Guppy Tears (VIDEO)

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 9:02 AM

It remains unclear why Justin Bieber broke down in tears following two shitty songs performed with harness at the MTV VMAs. Some are suggesting it was a stress induced menstrual gush. But he’s a boy, dammit! As Bieber tilts his head forward in his hand the show producers played what was an obviously pre-recorded track with Bieber sharing his philosophy on life, such as, it’s a journey, not a destination, and remember to pay your Brazilian hookers a bonus for shutting the fuck up about your wee dick. The MTV VMAs are chock full of wonderfully candid completely rehearsed moments. If Bieber’s salty drops helped just one girl realize that she’s too gullible to ever live outside a monitored living situation, it was all worthwhile. Do we have a start date for those non-citizen deportations yet?

Duggar Sisters Provide Pro Side to TLC Child Sex Abuse Special

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 8:30 AM

The-Duggar-Sisters

On Sunday night, TLC aired their special about the horrors of child sexual abuse and how viewers could find such abuse showing regularly on TLC under the guise of reality programming. TLC included key segments in the show featuring Jessa and Jill Duggar, two of the sisters Josh Duggar violated in what would’ve been their grade school years had they been allowed to attend school. The Duggar sisters shared wonderful insights into sexual assault victim rationalization like forgive and forget, only Jesus can judge, and we feel pretty good that we were only 80% responsible because we wore our nightgowns above the ankles. In a previous interview on Fox, the girls blamed Josh going through puberty for most of his kiddy fondling. He’s really the victim if you think about it.

It’s amazing to understand that there are so many people that deal with this exact same thing in their own families. So just being educated is very good. — Jill, the relatively smart one

Yes, so many of us grew up in religious compounds with nineteen kids and eleven still borns, some of whom raped us but were fixed through the power of woodworking and psalms. I’m not sure TLC understands how to show contrition for their child abuse heavy original programming. You can’t just pump Honey Boo Boo full of sodium rich water until she’s too fat for her mom’s boyfriend to finger fuck. It would’ve been nice if the program ended with TLC executives surrendering themselves to the police followed by a quick trial and a hanging. The world is an ugly place, but I think I just provided a great example of how to make it better.