Johnny Manziel Almost Punched A Guy

By Matt November 25, 2014 @ 6:33 AM

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Johnny Manziel may or may not have punched a dude who was bothering him in the building he lives in. Some convicted felon and all around scumbag named Chris Gonos approached Manziel and asked him for a hug near the elevator while probably definitely not sober. At that point shit got weird and Manziel’s roommate punched the guy. Gonos says Manziel punched someone in his group but I don’t trust guys named Gonos. The most interesting part of this story is that Manziel has a roommate who no doubt sleeps in earmuffs as Manziel loudly slaps skins with every skank in Cleveland proper thrice nightly. If you’re sleeping in bunks and being paid by the NFL you may want to fire your agent. Manziel is not named as a suspect in the police report. Odds he bumps into Gonos and the two clear the air over an arm wrestling match and a few lines of blow in a Cleveland bathroom stall at some point remain high.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Demi Lovato No Longer Down With Miley Cyrus

By Matt November 25, 2014 @ 6:07 AM

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Demi Lovato announced she “has nothing in common” with Miley Cyrus because she was conducting an interview and had to say something quote worthy. Cyrus and Lovato were best friends until Lovato had a nervous breakdown and was found to be a bipolar bulimic self harming cocaine addict. This is known to happen in the company of Cyrus as your post dildo themed rave serotonin levels dip until your body tells itself it’s dead now. The two are on a different trajectory. Cyrus may not reach the rehab milestone for years to come and it will probably coincide with nobody giving a shit about her anymore. In the meantime it’s best the two avoid each other. While Lovato struggles to maintain her sobriety, Cyrus is currently struggling to remain not sober. It’s a constant battle but usually ends well with anonymous sex you can’t remember. With any luck the two can rekindle their friendship. It would be a Shakespearian tragedy if Lovato’s relapses should coincide with Cyrus’ eventual rehab stints.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Rose McGowan Can’t Be Topless Enough

By colin November 24, 2014 @ 1:11 PM

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I’m not sure if Rose McGowan made a bet with a friend who she’s just the only go-to named actress in Hollywood who will flash her bare cans for a reasonable rate, but she seems to be topless in half the style and arts magazines this month. I could explain how Rose is ten times the feminist any of the ranting ladies of the Northeastern college corridor, but I’m kind of busy looking at her tits again. That’s her genius right there.

Photo credit: Flatt Magazine

Mexicans Coming Through Yonder Window

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 12:33 PM

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This cartoon never stood a chance. It’s racist against the Mexican race of peoples who invented chocolate and soccer and fake names to share with border patrol agents when crossing the Sonoran into the U.S.  Cartoonist Gary Varvel had his turn at mocking the Obama executive order allowing five million potential deportees to hang out in the U.S. until such time as Chili’s no longer needs their tables bussed. Once the cry racism trolls started in on the Indianapolis Star, they wiped off the invading dude’s mustache, because a mustache is the international symbol of Central Americans. I think you’ll see that in most Atlases of the World.

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That was pretty fucking stupid. Though not as inane as Indianapolis Star Executive Editor Jeff Taylor confirming his status as champion of free speech and diverse thought with the following takedown statement:

On Friday, we posted a Gary Varvel cartoon at indystar.com that offended a wide group of readers. Many of them labeled it as racist. Gary did not intend to be racially insensitive in his attempt to express his strong views about President Barack Obama’s decision to temporarily prevent the deportation of millions of immigrants living and working illegally in the United States. But we erred in publishing it. The cartoon depicted an immigrant family climbing through a window of a white family’s home as Thanksgiving dinner was served. I was uncomfortable with the depiction when I saw it after it was posted.

Oh, fuck no. You were uncomfortable? Readers were offended? I wish the mildly decomposing remains of Ben Bradley could rise from the grave and give you the good bone to ass fucking you deserve. This is one cartoonist’s political point of view. It’s hardly KKK blindly hateful pamphleteering. Now grow some sack and pretend you’re a newspaper man.

Surprise, Kirk Cameron Hates Gays And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 24, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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A video went viral over the weekend of Kirk Cameron talking about how Sodomites are all going to Hell. Everybody was outraged after looking up the word Sodomite in the urban dictionary.

Have Kirk teach you how to talk to “The Gays”. (Dlisted)

DC’s crack smoking party funtime mayor Marion Barry dies. (TMZ)

The trailer Star Wars 7 is coming out and nerds everywhere are cumming in their pants. (Huffington Post)

Martha Hunt shows off her magnificent tits in Marie Claire Italy. (Drunken Stepfather)

Paz Vega’s titties are pretty fucking amazing. (Hollywood Tuna)

I would like to go to the Xenia Deli and eat her with some hot mustard. (Popoholic)

Kelly Brook reminds us that she’s hotter than all our girlfriends. (COED)

Robin Thicke Seems Recovered

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 11:27 AM

April Love Geary Is Robin Thickes Young New Girlfriend
On the inside, he’s a broken man. Deeper on the inside Robin Thicke’s now banging this nineteen year old semi-working model, April Love Geary. Many people are calling this revenge. Me and Occam’s Razor are calling it an older dude who can pull teen model pussy doing just that. This chick has been posting selfies of herself in Robin Thicke’s bedroom. It’s how the social caste system is decided in the circle of young models in Los Angeles. What are you wearing and who are you fucking? Robin Thicke isn’t exactly an elite score, but it’ll get you into most 21 and over clubs and you don’t have to wake up with Wilmer Valderrama.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Nobody Wore Bras to the American Music Awards

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:48 AM

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Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it’s better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don’t belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you’re on every short list, including the Cosby mentor program speed dial.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Katy Perry Bikini Pictures Grinding One Out

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:15 AM

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It takes nothing more than a boatful of backup dancer and a couple Foster’s to get Katy Perry shaking her ass. It also might be the privacy of an offshore yacht, bolstered by the conference that telescopic lenses on cameras will not be invented until 2037. I’m just glad Katy’s happy again after going through all the things she’s been through, not much of which seems particularly difficult, but struggle makes for good magazine copy. I’m not going to comment on her thighs because I don’t want the hate mail. But were I too comment, I might tell her next husband to beware, he’s getting Lammily, not Barbie.

Photo credit: INF Photos