Bill Belichick Freedom Fighter

If you're over the age of 60 and Caucasian, chances are most people think you're racist. But Bill Belichick doesn't care about your feelings or what you think. read more

Country Club Ceases Discrimination Against American Patriot

Tom Brady is all about equal opportunity oppression. It isn't just for minorities anymore. Wait. Can you culturally appropriate oppression? read more

The R. Kelly Sex Cult Sounds Amazing

R. Kelly's lawyer would like you to know that he's not currently operating a sex cult with a half-dozen young women under his spell in Chicago and Atlanta condos. Though if he were operating such a sex cult, the women would all be of legal age. There's nothing illegal... read more

Bella Thorne Honorary Kardashian

Bella Thorne's vagina is the take a penny leave a penny of the celebrity world. But the social media sensation and bucket of dicks made it clear on two morning show appearances that she never received Scott Disick. Too cramped in there. When the sole subject of your... read more

Disney Buries the Old Kermit

Veteran Muppets employee Steve Whitmire was anointed Kermit the Frog after Jim Henson's death in 1990. The Henson family handpicked Whitmore out of the freaky hand stuffed puppet cult. He's been Kermit ever since, or until he got fired this past week for what the military... read more

Emily Ratajkowski Feminist Mammary Glands

Emily Ratajkowski's big heaving milk bags continue to be the victims of marginalization in an unenlightened world. The modest supermodel opens up to Allure about the curse that is being sexualized for flashing your amazing tits twenty-four seven. read more

Trump Babes Might Move the Needle

While college educated and TV actress white women are desperately distancing themselves from Trump via Starbucks latte clutching paid-time-off marches, they aren't all women. Some women voted for Trump. Others merely want you to have a non-partisan desire to finish on... read more

Phoebe Cates Birthday Boobs and Shit Around the Web

The new female Dr. Who nude, Julianne Hough hot honeymoon pics, and more! read more

Kendall Jenner Jet Lag Undertits

This weekend Kendall Jenner bravely shared her raggedy jet lagged body on Instagram in a shirt that's downright modest for the Jenndashian clan. Someone's on her way to church. We've already seen all that Jenner has to offer, but that isn't stopping her from teasing her... read more

Ariel Winter Has a Point

Ariel Winter can discuss two topics. How people should leave her alone about wearing tiny outfits that show off her tits and ass. And how much she loves her boyfriend. In summary, she's like every other high school girl. Though she's 19 and never really attended.  read more

Aaron Carter Doing Well

Pop sensation Aaron Carter was doing his updated version of Aaron's Party - drinking, smoking weed, and driving with a prostitute girlfriend - when he was slapped with a DUI by the Habersham County, GA police. He was also charged with possession of Marijuana. Carter's... read more

Disney's Live-Action Aladdin to Be a Multicultural Teachable Moment

As a simple Hollywood rule, if you're rebooting a movie about white guys, you simply recast them with black dudes or women to meet corporate political goals. Cynical gesturing doesn't always tank. Remaking Captain America and calling it Wonder Woman did quite well. read more