Raccoon Steals Bra

Lest you buy into the partisan politics that Russia is a well groomed Bond villain capable of manipulating mass media and global sentiment -- nope. Still drunks and shoddy porn producing fiends who can't find their pants in the morning. read more

Yellow Ranger Now a Lesbian

The Yellow Ranger is now a lesbian.White, black, Hispanic, Asian, female, all checked off. This was the last great barrier to break in the kids low budget anime action quintet. read more

WWE's Paige Sex Tapes Leaked

Pro wrestler Paige had her personal files stolen and leaked without her consent. They are wild. Included are three videos, one of which is a traditional male/female scene shot POV style from behind in a hotel room. read more

Devon Windsor Bikinis At The Beach And Shit Around The Web

Devon Windsor is one of the lesser renown Victoria's Secret model. On the upside, that likely means a smaller DiCaprio and Bieber viral footprint. read more

Tom Brady's Jersey Thief Identified (VIDEO)

The FBI has an official suspect in the thievery of Tom Brady's Super Bowl jersey. They're also hot on the case of a mattress dealer in Van Nuys who has been removing the warning labels. read more

Ask Tyler: Give and Take

Tyler:I am at that stage with my girlfriend where I love her to death. We have dated long enough and I am old enough to know I want to be with her and marry her. But! The more I love her, the less I see her as a sex object. When I have sex I want to feel like I am f*cking... read more

Prince William Lets Loose

It's a lonely being future king. And recessively bald at twenty-two thanks to regal breeding protocols. Who will cry for the princes of the world locked in their gilded cages? read more

Lisa Belkin Can't Let Her Trump Go

It's worth Googling the names of reporters who write long form pieces on Donald Trump. There's a massive scramble for thinly veiled hit pieces that manage to capture none of Trump's obvious and significant flaws while digging deep into things that make the reporters... read more

Mariah and Bryan Flaming Passion

There's no book on how to maintain your beard that isn't chiefly about facial hair grooming. You'd think by now one of the more successful female entertainers would've put together a How-To guide to running your male companion show pony. read more

Katy Perry Prayed the Gay Away

The Human Rights Campaign for gay human rights routinely hands out awards to straight Hollywood celebrities to watch those silly straights struggle to invent gay credibility stories. The NAACP does the same to witness white actors talk about the jazz musicians their old... read more

K-Pop Girls Under the Knife

A manager for Korean female pop group SixBomb spent a hundred grand in plastic surgery to make the four band members look even more like big breasted skinny twelve year old schoolgirls. It's only gross if you ask her who she has for homeroom. read more

Germans Are Hard to Take Seriously

Nobody thinks of the Germans until something bad happens with Germany. That's an inferior public relations position. You're the John Travolta of nations. Be like Sweden. Export funny girls and decent porn. When bad shit happens in Sweden, the world responds with... read more