Carmen Electra Resurfaces (VIDEO)

By Matt October 21, 2014 @ 6:32 AM

Carmen Electra appeared on Oprah’s “Where Are They Now?” and talked about her marriage to Dennis Rodman and some other shit that even Oprah couldn’t pretend to care about any more. Getting screen time is a bitch these days, so why not dredge up some old gossip for a younger generation of unemployed single parents and stay at home chardonnay drinking divorcees who can still locate Oprah on their Magnavox floor units.

“Our relationship was very passionate. When it was good, it was amazing. And when it was bad, it was the worst.”

Often times gigantic cross-dressing manic depressive alcoholics are a bit volatile. Few people needed this update, but the subject matter is neither here nor there. Electra wants you to know she is still a hot piece of ass and is available for acting in the role of escort or real escort work if the price is right. Naturally, Oprah gets a taste. If this were charity, she’d build another rape school in Africa.

Jay Leno Declared Officially Funny

By Matt October 21, 2014 @ 6:02 AM

Leno

Jay Leno was honored at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Leno has been hypnotizing his vanilla wafer eating audience into a state of catatonia for the past two millennia. When you lack a memorable sense of humor you need a non-prestigious award named after a long dead guy to kick you in into obscurity. Leno was surrounded by a ton of colleagues since he lacks friends after having run a few too many of his watered down jokes by them at Dockers clad backyard barbecues. The ceremony was attended by Jerry Seinfeld, Jimmy Fallon, and Wanda Sykes among other who will have a shot at winning this garage sale bargain bin item if they convince someone to donate a shit load of money to the Kennedy Center. There’s no finer moment for an entertainer than nailing a big honor in Washington D.C. It means they don’t hate you, they really really don’t hate you.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Stella Maxwell Wears Lingerie

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 2:22 PM

Stella Maxwell Wears Lingerie For Victorias Secret
I’m going to assume Victoria’s Secret is more rigorous with their age screening process for models than they are for the garment workers in their swank Myanmar warehouses. I can abide toddler sewing slaves, but the notion that I might be thinking adult thoughts about a girl who is still a full week away from being allowed to shoot ass to mouth porn rattles my moral compass. That eighteen rule is the fine line that separates us from slipping into Georgia. I take it pretty seriously.

Photo Credit: Victorias Secret

Sometimes It’s Hard to Kill a Woman

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 1:24 PM

Jodi-Arias-Modeling-Photo

Arizona is still trying to get the death penalty for Jodi Arias over six years after she shot, stabbed, and carved up her boyfriend because she got lost a little in her crazy girlfriend role. Arizona has always struck me as a place where they move pretty quickly on shit that needs getting done. The O.K. Corral, stealing old people from Floriday, the University of Phoenix passing out college degrees in less time than it used to take to download a Cindy Margolis jpeg on a 14.4 modem.  But they just can’t seem to bring themselves to agree on the death penalty for this convicted murderer.

If you give defense attorneys enough time, they will bring the fucking kitchen sink into the defense of their client. Especially in a death penalty sentencing phase because the thought of murdering murders is abhorrent to many.

Jodi Arias [now claims] that ex-lover Travis Alexander wrote letters to her apologizing for an alleged incident in which she said she caught him masturbating while looking at pictures of young boys.

It’s sort of unclear how even if true that goes to mitigating her butchering him to death in the shower. Was she defending the integrity of America’s youth from being virtually spunked? Did he force her to call herself Billy and dress in Little League uniforms during sex play? I’m not a death penalty proponent but I’m so tired of this chick I might grab some Good and Plenty’s and go watch if there’s tickets.

It’s hard for many people to order the execution of a woman, especially when she’s dressed like their mom. This is especially true of men. Most women would order the slow painful execution of a chick for not returning a scarf or making eyes at their man. Men are inherently inferior at dealing with the dirty jobs in life. It’s probably because they’ve never experienced child birth. Also, because they imagine if they spare Jodi Arias her life they might somehow get to fuck her during conjugal visits and see for themselves just how crazy she gets in the sack.

Kim Kardashian Assplay Cinema

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 12:10 PM

Kim-Kardashian-Wears-Jean-Shorts-While-Going-To-A-Movie-In-Calabasas-LB2
Sometimes you just want to take your best gal to a weekend matinee. Maybe grandma. Or the nieces and nephews. You don’t want to have to explain to a bunch of high fructose corn syrup jacked up grade schoolers where Kim Kardashian ass babies come from. Do you need to go backless at the mall theater? This isn’t the seventh grade pool party where you’re showing off your newly growing girl body. You’re inflated to maximum capacity. You’ve got to wrap that dramatically warped flesh frame in some kind of prairie frock before boys at the mall start experiencing the overwhelming desire to slap their girlfriend on the ass and start calling her bitch.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Ray Rice Might Play And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 20, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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It looks like Ray Rice’s indefinite suspension may not be so indefinite. He may get to play as soon as next month. If you think about it, he’s less likely to hit his wife if he gets to spend Sundays with the guys. If you think about it.

Read all about Ray Rice’s lucky break. (The Superficial)

Apparently, it’s not too late to make some money off Fappening extortion. (TMZ)

Kim Kardashian dresses like a whore to go to Taco Bell. Surprised? (Huffington Post)

Maryna Linchuk naked in Allure Russia will make your wiener’s day. (Drunken Stepfather)

But let me tell you about Rita Ora’s tits. They are big. (Hollywood Tuna)

All I want for Chanukah is Natasha Barnard in lingerie. (Popoholic)

The rise and fall of a giant French art butt plug. (Dlisted)

Nina Dobrev In A Bikini

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 11:33 AM

Nina Dobrev In A Bikini In Recent Episode Of Vampire Diaries
89% of television is now softcore gay vampire fare. I think this is what Jerry Falwell was forecasting would happen back in the 1970′s if Hollywood heathens were allowed to start making television shows without his supervision. In defense of the immortal content crap are Anna Paquin’s bisexual tits and Nina Dobrev in a bikini. It’s hard to say if Nina Dobrev is a talented actress. It’s hard to even care. She is one good looking woman who shows up to work on time and doesn’t bitch about showing off her body. That makes her perfect for a short-lived career in the television or stripping industries. I could easily ditch my cable bill and purchase lap dances if she ever decides to switch things up professionally.

Photo Credit: Vampire Diaries

Iggy Azalea’s Ex Is Not So Good at Threats

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Iggy Azalea Wears Shorts While Singing At The University of Minnesota Homecoming
Nobody goes through life without at least one shit heel of an ex. It speaks to our stupidity as a species. Dung beetles know better than to mate because ‘they’re in love’. Humans insist on hooking up with whoever makes our genitals moist and pisses off our parents. That’s why the beetles will be here long after we’re gone. Jackass D-list rap producer Hefe Wine claims he and Iggy Azalea were legally married when she was a teen and he wants half her shit. He’s threatening to tell the whole world she gave him an STD if she doesn’t pay him cash money out of court. I’m not sure Hefe understands how blackmail works, but maybe on the next one.

It’s not within my emotional skill set to feel sorry for albino aborigines who inject rendered baby lamb fat into their ass to look more stereotypically black. That seems disrespectful to somebody, to the baby lambs at least. If this Hefe Wine character got pancaked by a steam roller, the world would be a marginally better place. If hip hop went away, it would be a much better place. But we’re going to need a much bigger steam roller.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI