By Matt November 11, 2014 @ 6:11 AM
Miami drag queen Elaine Lancaster is taking credit for teaching Dennis Rodman the nuances of North Korea’s domestic policies. Her bragging is once removed from Rodman’s claim he freed an American reporter who his gimpy buddy Kim had imprisoned but in actuality just got drunk and exchanged bottles of unfiltered sake for the chance to look at his cock. Lancaster took to Facebook and humbly bragged about being more informed than Rodman on the topic of how fucked up North Korea is, a distinction that would apply to virtually every adult in the world who doesn’t live in North Korea:
“Before he returned to North Korea the 2nd time, I told Dennis over lunch don’t let these trips be in vain & ask him if he knew about the gulags and the detention camps? He said no, so I explained it to him… I said, try to do what you can, but don’t get yourself killed. It looks as if it may have paid off for a few imprisoned Americans.”
Usually a Miami drag queen isn’t the best source of diplomatic information, but when your brain is pierced and you’re lit on Seagram’s 24/7 any information helps. Talking to Rodman is like reinventing the wheel. You have to revisit the Immaculate Conception in an attempt to inform him of the basic concept of government. Even then he’ll just stare at you and nod while he plots his spectacular suicide then asks you to spot him a hundo for his kids.
Photo Credit: Facebook
By Lex June 16, 2014 @ 10:56 AM
You have to wonder how rich the Events department brainstorming session was that selected Dennis Rodman to headline their Vegas pool party. Presumably, that dude who pretended his son was in a runaway hot air balloon and Tara Reid’s most recent abortion had scheduling conflicts. Let’s see, who do we know who’s a traitor to their country, a raging tranny alcoholic, and looks like a magnified version of a gonorrhea bug? Last one in the pool’s a rotten egg.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News
By Jack February 10, 2014 @ 7:12 PM
Dennis Rodman went on quite a big bender in North Korea. How big? Shit, piss, and puke all over your hotel kind of big. Rodman was in North Korea putting on an exhibition game and figuring out ways to betray his country through sheer stupidity. After he did an angry U.S. TV interviews that seemed to defend the maniacal practices of Great Leader Jr., Rodman saved face by declaring himself an alcoholic and checked into rehab. Everyone thought he was playing the sad addict card, but according to The South Korean news story, he hit bottom pretty gooey:
“[Dennis Rodman] was drunk the whole week of his stay. And the night before he left for the U.S., he was drunk, unconscious, and vomiting everywhere he turned. He even urinated and emptied the bowels in the hallway.”
You have to feel sorry for the indentured servant forced to clean up the kimchee clogged colon droppings of a large man like Rodman. Maybe Rodman isn’t a traitor after all, Perhaps he allowed the NSA to secrete several micro intelligence gathering devices in his gastrointestinal tubes that are now spread throughout the North Korean countryside collecting data. Maybe one day there will be a statue of Rodman secretly built, crated, and hidden away in that Raiders warehouse with the ark. Or maybe one day he’ll just be found dead and diseased in a gutter. If I were a betting man, I’d go with door number two.
By Jack January 20, 2014 @ 1:21 PM
Traitorous dick and former drag queen Dennis Rodman checked himself into rehab after returning from his latest stay in North Korea. We told you about this dumb fuck’s repeated trips to meet with BFF Kim Jong-Un, a brutal dictator who just recently fed his uncle and his circle of friends to a bunch of wild dogs. Apparently, Rodman went on quite the bender while visiting his favorite evil despot. It’s no surprise as the Kim family is known to drink more Courvoisier than a 70′s pimp. Rodman checked into a 30 day facility to get clean. Rodman was universally criticized for his defense of the tubby little Korean tyrant. But why all of a sudden was he drinking so much? His agent says,
“The pressure that was put on him to be a combination ‘super human’ political figure and ‘fixer’ got the better of him.”
What in the name of St. Fuckety Fuck does that mean? Who asked this pituitary case to be the world’s most retarded diplomat in the first place? He should just stick to being a broke ex-athlete and avoid child support and the law the way God intended. It’s so convenient for him to go to rehab now so he can claim that it was the booze that was making him betray his country and suck a dictator’s pencil dick. My only regret is that he didn’t the Uncle treatment from Kim, just to teach a lesson to other drunk assholes who want attention that they need to be on reality TV shows, not meeting with our enemies.
By Lex January 09, 2014 @ 7:41 PM
Who will weep for Dennis Rodman when he’s finally fed to the hunting dogs in North Korea? Well, maybe weep for the poor hounds who get his rank meat after a couple weeks of starvation. The lost and wandering soul with the disturbing nose ring made his way to North Korean once more to shill for the latest Great Leader of North Korea. Maybe Kim Jong Un is helping Rodman pay out on his outstanding child support liens or something. It’s hard to imagine he’s being a traitorous dickbag for something other than money. His latest trip included singing Happy Birthday to Kim Jong Un at a basketball exhibition. He also got liquored up and went on CNN to defend North Korea’s imprisonment of American journalist Kenneth Bae for talking about how awesome Jesus is while in-country. Kenneth Bae’s family accepted Rodman’s apology the next day but noted that being drunk was not actually a good excuse for being a jackass who consorts with the enemy. I doubt we’d let Junior Jihadists in America use that excuse when we bust them building bombs in their Newark adjacent apartments. Fuck, man, I was drunk. I wasn’t really going to blow up kids. Allahu Akhbar, God Bless America. Rodman ought to be arrested if for no other reason than introducing basketball to a nation where the men run about 5’7″ in their tattered stockings. They already have no food, now impossible NBA dreams.
Photo Credit: WENN
By Jack December 20, 2013 @ 3:29 PM
Broke-ass traitor Dennis Rodman is back in North Korea today ahead of an exhibition game in January. The former basketball player and least attractive drag queen ever is putting the game together in honor of North Korea’s ruthless boy dictator Kim Jong Un. You’ll recall that Rodman has visited the brutal police state before and is now BFF’s with lil’ Kim, (the tyrant not the fat rapper). He tried to explain himself and only made himself look like an even bigger moron:
“You know, they’re still afraid to come here, but I’m just telling them, you know, don’t be afraid man, it’s all love, it’s all love here. I understand what’s going on with the political stuff, and I say, I don’t go into that venture, I’m just doing one thing for these kids here, and for this country, and for my country, and for the world pretty much.”
Yeah, if you consider starving your people to death while you drink Courvoisier and get your knob polished love, then yes, it all about love. Though most sane people in the world would say that you are just a stooge for one of the most dangerous regimes on the planet. I don’t give a fuck who this asshole is or how big a star he was in the 90′s. Dennis Rodman is consorting with self-declared enemies of this nation. That used to mean prison. It should once again. If we’d caught him playing b-ball with Bin Laden, Seal Team Six would’ve shot him dead and asked him questions he couldn’t answer later.